OT: 119th Obsequious Banter Thread: April Foods Day

[Beef Invictus]

You will not fool the people. I was the first to complain about this.

A base ploy

 

[Cody Webster]

9 - 6 good guys.

We were without our two centers, so I went up to top line center. 2 goals, 3 assists.

I peeped the scoresheet this morning...saw your name on there quite a few times. Nicely done! Our other center marked himself as in, so I didn't feel too bad. Guess Torts late scratched him.

 

[Cody Webster]

Jesus H. Christ

View attachment 958938

I've been getting this on mobile. It's absolutely infuriating. HF trying to extort money by getting people to become a sponsor

Also, how do I change back to dark mode on my desktop? It automatically switched back on my phone

 

[VladDrag]

I peeped the scoresheet this morning...saw your name on there quite a few times. Nicely done! Our other center marked himself as in, so I didn't feel too bad. Guess Torts late scratched him.

Where can you find the scoresheet?

 

[Cody Webster]

Where can you find the scoresheet?

Sent ya a PM

 

[Surrounded By Ahos]

I've been getting this on mobile. It's absolutely infuriating. HF trying to extort money by getting people to become a sponsor

Also, how do I change back to dark mode on my desktop? It automatically switched back on my phone

I've been trying and failing to change it back to dark mode on my phone and my laptop. Even though I've saved the dark style variation, I'm still staring at a white hfboards.

 

[Beef Invictus]

I've been trying and failing to change it back to dark mode on my phone and my laptop. Even though I've saved the dark style variation, I'm still staring at a white hfboards.

Git Gud

 

[Tripod]

Anybody ever have a colonoscopy done?

I have one scheduled for Monday, my first one ever. Not looking forward to it.

 

[Lord Defect]

Anybody ever have a colonoscopy done?

I have one scheduled for Monday, my first one ever. Not looking forward to it.

Worst part is the drink. I’ll never touch a yellow Gatorade again.
The cleanse isn’t even that bad. It’s drinking the drink that brings the cleanse. If they offer the pill for the cleanse, take it.

 

[Surrounded By Ahos]

Anybody ever have a colonoscopy done?

I have one scheduled for Monday, my first one ever. Not looking forward to it.

I'm still young enough that I haven't, but I have taken several other to get theirs done.

Every single person has been quite loopy when recovering from the anesthesia. It's hilarious.

 

[sabremike]

Anybody ever have a colonoscopy done?

I have one scheduled for Monday, my first one ever. Not looking forward to it.

Had my first this past June. The worst part is easily the cleansing process: the stuff you have to drink is ridiculously sweet and some people find that pretty awful but the worst thing is you will be sitting on the toilet for a loooooooooooooooong time and you will keep having to go to the toilet for a looooooooooong time. The procedure itself isn't bad at all, I was out and the next thing I knew it was like 30 minutes later and I was in recovery.

 

[BernieParent]

Anybody ever have a colonoscopy done?

I have one scheduled for Monday, my first one ever. Not looking forward to it.

The technician will be looking backward to it.

It wasn't bad. I was determined to stay awake and view it all. I failed miserably.

 

[Magua]

There’s definitely hacks to ease the colonoscopy prep. My dad is a GI, and I’m pretty sure he and my mom just take miraLAX + Gatorade for their own. Along with Jell-O, etc. I don’t believe they drink the nasty shit.

 

[Kermit the Prog]

Anybody ever have a colonoscopy done?

I have one scheduled for Monday, my first one ever. Not looking forward to it.

Horror story for me.

The fasting was awful. My body spitefully decided to get overly hungry in the 24-hour period before my procedure. Now, this was a while ago, but they blew air into my sphincter and snaked a cable up my ass. They had put me in partial - or "twilight" - anesthesia mode where I wasn't supposed to feel anything.

Oh, I felt EVERYTHING.

They let me watch on a little monitor, y'know, for some light comedy. At the last minute while I was lying on my side with a black metal serpent up my jaxie, and in moderate pain, the doctor said, "Oh, you wouldn't mind if I invite in some medical students to observe, would you?" In walked about a dozen students - half of which were attractive women - and me uttering a muffled, "hrhrphrr" in response.

Knowing I couldn't sink any lower, I just gave myself over to abject humiliation. After it was over and one of the orderlies was busy mopping up my dignity which had spilled all over the floor (just the dignity, thankfully), I was shuttled to an area with paper-thin curtains surrounding me. That's when the air, which was pumped into me earlier, came erupting out of the stern with the force of the Star Blazers' Wave Motion Gun - all within sniffling distance of the waiting room.

They found nothing, but I lost everything.

Good luck!

 

[Embiid]

Anybody ever have a colonoscopy done?

I have one scheduled for Monday, my first one ever. Not looking forward to it.

I have had 2....people should start getting them at 45 ..not 50. Also, every 10 years is BS....should be 5. I'm at my 5th year this year and intend to get another one.

The prep is a pain...I hate the gatorade and Miralax...some people have tolerance issues with the pill for some reason.

Horror story for me.

The fasting was awful. My body spitefully decided to get overly hungry in the 24-hour period before my procedure. Now, this was a while ago, but they blew air into my sphincter and snaked a cable up my ass. They had put me in partial - or "twilight" - anesthesia mode where I wasn't supposed to feel anything.

Oh, I felt EVERYTHING.

They let me watch on a little monitor, y'know, for some light comedy. At the last minute while I was lying on my side with a black metal serpent up my jaxie, and in moderate pain, the doctor said, "Oh, you wouldn't mind if I invite in some medical students to observe, would you?" In walked about a dozen students - half of which were attractive women - and me uttering a muffled, "hrhrphrr" in response.

Knowing I couldn't sink any lower, I just gave myself over to abject humiliation. After it was over and one of the orderlies was busy mopping up my dignity which had spilled all over the floor (just the dignity, thankfully), I was shuttled to an area with paper-thin curtains surrounding me. That's when the air, which was pumped into me earlier, came erupting out of the stern with the force of the Star Blazers' Wave Motion Gun - all within sniffling distance of the waiting room.

They found nothing, but I lost everything.

Good luck!

Did they shave your ass?

 

[BackToTheBrierePatch]

Anybody ever have a colonoscopy done?

I have one scheduled for Monday, my first one ever. Not looking forward to it.

10 years ago I did. The prep the day before sucks. The procedure itself is a piece of cake. I was asleep for it. I had no intention of watching what they did.

 

[Kermit the Prog]

I have had 2....people should start getting them at 45 ..not 50. Also, every 10 years is BS....should be 5. I'm at my 5th year this year and intend to get another one.

The prep is a pain...I hate the gatorade and Miralax...some people have tolerance issues with the pill for some reason.


Did they shave your ass?

No, I did that on my own.

 

[Embiid]

No, I did that on my own.

Et tu Booty?

Dude Decides to Shave His Butt, Regrets It Immediately - This Is the Funniest Story We've Read in Ages! - Mumslounge

There are many tales of woe following a poorly made decision to shave certain areas, and this story has to be the best one ever.

mumslounge.com.au

 

[DancingPanther]

There’s definitely hacks to ease the colonoscopy prep. My dad is a GI, and I’m pretty sure he and my mom just take miraLAX + Gatorade for their own. Along with Jell-O, etc. I don’t believe they drink the nasty shit.

Just make sure the Gatorade and/or jello isn't red or purple lol

Then it looks like blood when you scope it

 

[Lord Defect]

Horror story for me.

The fasting was awful. My body spitefully decided to get overly hungry in the 24-hour period before my procedure. Now, this was a while ago, but they blew air into my sphincter and snaked a cable up my ass. They had put me in partial - or "twilight" - anesthesia mode where I wasn't supposed to feel anything.

Oh, I felt EVERYTHING.

They let me watch on a little monitor, y'know, for some light comedy. At the last minute while I was lying on my side with a black metal serpent up my jaxie, and in moderate pain, the doctor said, "Oh, you wouldn't mind if I invite in some medical students to observe, would you?" In walked about a dozen students - half of which were attractive women - and me uttering a muffled, "hrhrphrr" in response.

Knowing I couldn't sink any lower, I just gave myself over to abject humiliation. After it was over and one of the orderlies was busy mopping up my dignity which had spilled all over the floor (just the dignity, thankfully), I was shuttled to an area with paper-thin curtains surrounding me. That's when the air, which was pumped into me earlier, came erupting out of the stern with the force of the Star Blazers' Wave Motion Gun - all within sniffling distance of the waiting room.

They found nothing, but I lost everything.

Good luck!

I’d like you to write a book. I don’t care about which topic. I was engrossed the entire read.

 

[trostol]

 

[Tripod]

View attachment 959387

Was expecting an Uranus joke

 

[Danko]

Did they shave your ass?

This reminds me of a story about my younger brother. My brother in his 30's had to have his tonsils removed a few years ago. He came over to our house for dinner and we noticed he shaved his beard off. We asked him why, and he said for his surgery. My guy, a full grown man believed they would be cutting into his neck to remove his tonsils.

 

[Chicken N Raffls]

Horror story for me.

The fasting was awful. My body spitefully decided to get overly hungry in the 24-hour period before my procedure. Now, this was a while ago, but they blew air into my sphincter and snaked a cable up my ass. They had put me in partial - or "twilight" - anesthesia mode where I wasn't supposed to feel anything.

Oh, I felt EVERYTHING.

They let me watch on a little monitor, y'know, for some light comedy. At the last minute while I was lying on my side with a black metal serpent up my jaxie, and in moderate pain, the doctor said, "Oh, you wouldn't mind if I invite in some medical students to observe, would you?" In walked about a dozen students - half of which were attractive women - and me uttering a muffled, "hrhrphrr" in response.

Knowing I couldn't sink any lower, I just gave myself over to abject humiliation. After it was over and one of the orderlies was busy mopping up my dignity which had spilled all over the floor (just the dignity, thankfully), I was shuttled to an area with paper-thin curtains surrounding me. That's when the air, which was pumped into me earlier, came erupting out of the stern with the force of the Star Blazers' Wave Motion Gun - all within sniffling distance of the waiting room.

They found nothing, but I lost everything.

Good luck!

Around 15 years ago, I was in the hospital after a nasty fall where I broke my ass. The plus side was that the hospital happened to be UPenn. So, great hospital, and full of students, many of which were attractive young women.

Around day 3 I had become so constipated from the opiates that I needed to request a suppository to release the tension. Of course the one to do this was my most regular attendee who was very cute. Some things you just can't get over.

 

[Embiid]

Around 15 years ago, I was in the hospital after a nasty fall where I broke my ass. The plus side was that the hospital happened to be UPenn. So, great hospital, and full of students, many of which were attractive young women.

Around day 3 I had become so constipated from the opiates that I needed to request a suppository to release the tension. Of course the one to do this was my most regular attendee who was very cute. Some things you just can't get over.

I had a huge boil in my inner thigh near my groin once...

Went to the dermatologist and she had her aide who was very attractive inject it with cortisone. While she attempted to inject the boil, my ball sack pretty much landed on the top of her hand. All she said was..."ahh this is pretty awkward."