OT: 116th Obsequious Banter Thread: October is National Pizza Month

[Embiid]

You people are sick...sick. I would be that guy on Oprah who after seeing his wife deliver their child he was left so traumatized that he couldn't be intimate anymore with her. All the manhaters in the audience pummeled the dude with jeers and Oprah wanted to put him in a bear hug like King Kong Bundy..lol.

 

[BernieParent]

I always figured that if I had kids I'd be down in the hospital bar and get a text from the doc when it was safe to come up.

I sat in the chair next to Mrs. Parent's hospital bed all day making phone calls to family (my official job) and reading Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys. Once, early in the contractions she seemed to be in pain so I lovingly (so I thought) put my hand on her shoulder. She said in a measured tone: "I wish you wouldn't touch me right now." Thank you for the warning and allowing me to keep my arm in its socket.

 

[ajgoal]

I sat in the chair next to Mrs. Parent's hospital bed all day making phone calls to family (my official job) and reading Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys. Once, early in the contractions she seemed to be in pain so I lovingly (so I thought) put my hand on her shoulder. She said in a measured tone: "I wish you wouldn't touch me right now." Thank you for the warning and allowing me to keep my arm in its socket.

My wife pretty much didn't leave my room after my donation last year, which I appreciated but was also somewhat embarrassed as I couldn't easily get out of or back into bed on my own and the slightest cough, sneeze, or movement made me scream in pain. I'm pretty sure she touched my shoulder once and I had a similar reaction because that really hurt.

 

[Lord Defect]

At the hospital....it's happening

Good luck!

I always figured that if I had kids I'd be down in the hospital bar and get a text from the doc when it was safe to come up.

Chicken shit

 

[ajgoal]

Chicken shit

No doubt.

I can see people get blown up, etc., but step inside a hospital room where there are needles, cutting? I'm out. I don't know what's different about it, but I can't handle that kind of blood.

 

[Embiid]

Friday the 13th already horrific....took the vehicle in for inspection....front axle needs replacing. Gonna burn a hole in my pocket. Not worth going through insurance....you get pinged as at fault and deductible pretty much the cost of the repair. Yup my fault for living in Philly and my car cratering into potholes larger than Lizzo's orafices......no doubt how it happened. I recall one pot hole hit in particular that was so loud I cursed like a sailor....had to be it.

 

[Cody Webster]

Great news everyone, everything went well and we've got ourselves a chunky, head full of hair, healthy little girl. Wife opted for a c section, so they took her back into the OR around 7:30 and by 7:55 the monster was set free. I did get to get the cord, which was awesome. It's such an amazing feeling becoming a parent

 

[Young Sandwich]

Great news everyone, everything went well and we've got ourselves a chunky, head full of hair, healthy little girl. Wife opted for a c section, so they took her back into the OR around 7:30 and by 7:55 the monster was set free. I did get to get the cord, which was awesome. It's such an amazing feeling becoming a parent

Congrats Cody! Make sure to soak up every single moment no matter how chaotic things get over the next few days, weeks, and months. There are plenty of fathers on here if you need any tip or tricks to get through some of the tough times. One thing is for sure, your life just changed even more than you can imagine.

 

[Starat327]

Great news everyone, everything went well and we've got ourselves a chunky, head full of hair, healthy little girl. Wife opted for a c section, so they took her back into the OR around 7:30 and by 7:55 the monster was set free. I did get to get the cord, which was awesome. It's such an amazing feeling becoming a parent

Come back in three months and try to say this again with a straight face.

Congratulations, though!

 

[BernieParent]

Great news everyone, everything went well and we've got ourselves a chunky, head full of hair, healthy little girl. Wife opted for a c section, so they took her back into the OR around 7:30 and by 7:55 the monster was set free. I did get to get the cord, which was awesome. It's such an amazing feeling becoming a parent

Congratulations to you both for bringing a new life into the world. Prayers for good health for all, especially this precious little child.

 

[Lord Defect]

Great news everyone, everything went well and we've got ourselves a chunky, head full of hair, healthy little girl. Wife opted for a c section, so they took her back into the OR around 7:30 and by 7:55 the monster was set free. I did get to get the cord, which was awesome. It's such an amazing feeling becoming a parent

Congratulations man!

 

[trostol]

Great news everyone, everything went well and we've got ourselves a chunky, head full of hair, healthy little girl. Wife opted for a c section, so they took her back into the OR around 7:30 and by 7:55 the monster was set free. I did get to get the cord, which was awesome. It's such an amazing feeling becoming a parent

Congo rats!!!

 

[BackToTheBrierePatch]

Great news everyone, everything went well and we've got ourselves a chunky, head full of hair, healthy little girl. Wife opted for a c section, so they took her back into the OR around 7:30 and by 7:55 the monster was set free. I did get to get the cord, which was awesome. It's such an amazing feeling becoming a parent

Congratulations and say goodbye to sleeping for the foreseeable future

 

[Chicken N Raffls]

Great news everyone, everything went well and we've got ourselves a chunky, head full of hair, healthy little girl. Wife opted for a c section, so they took her back into the OR around 7:30 and by 7:55 the monster was set free. I did get to get the cord, which was awesome. It's such an amazing feeling becoming a parent

Congratulations dude!!

 

[Cody Webster]

Thanks everyone for the kind words. Appreciate it!

I'll leave you all with this

 

[VladDrag]

@Cody Webster congrats my guy! Buy her a set of clubs and get her out on the course!

 

[Cody Webster]

@Cody Webster congrats my guy! Buy her a set of clubs and get her out on the course!

Thank you very much! That's the plan! I'll do my best to make sure she gets a full ride to a D1 school for golf and by my best, I mean make sure I get her lessons from someone who's good

 

[Rebels57]

Thank you very much! That's the plan! I'll do my best to make sure she gets a full ride to a D1 school for golf and by my best, I mean make sure I get her lessons from someone who's good

Congrats man! Just remember, it gets easier. Usually in 3 month increments. First 3 months are the hardest while you guys figure shit out. Savor it all. Goes fast. Cant believe my girl is 7 already.

 

[Cody Webster]

Congrats man! Just remember, it gets easier. Usually in 3 month increments. First 3 months are the hardest while you guys figure shit out. Savor it all. Goes fast. Cant believe my girl is 7 already.

Thanks! It'll definitely be a huge adjustment, that's for sure! Can't wait to watch her live her life

 

[Beef Invictus]

My poor father.

He has spawned 2 offspring. First was me. I came out with the cord around my neck and I was blue and didn't have a great APGAR (that might explain a lot) so the providers cut my cord quickly and carefully then observed how I took my first few hours of life because I could have had brain injury from lack of oxygen or a broken neck or whatever

Second time around my brother came out in a fit of rage and meconium, so he couldn't cut his cord either. No more kids after that

That must suck

I didn't cut the cord on either one. Two reasons:

1) I am not a medical professional and that is a medical procedure
2) I am paying a lot of money for you people to do this work

 

[Beef Invictus]

Thanks! It'll definitely be a huge adjustment, that's for sure! Can't wait to watch her live her life

Also, congrats! You can do it. I did.

 

[Flybynite]

Hope he goes out with a BEST ACTOR Oscar. Both of his wins were supporting.

 

[JojoTheWhale]

Thank you very much! That's the plan! I'll do my best to make sure she gets a full ride to a D1 school for golf and by my best, I mean make sure I get her lessons from someone who's good

Looks like I’m a little late, but congrats!! Hope the whole family is doing well.

I didn't cut the cord on either one. Two reasons:

2) I am paying a lot of money for you people to do this work

@Chinatown88 Beef is a “hotpot is work” guy, isn’t he?

 

[Chinatown88]

Looks like I’m a little late, but congrats!! Hope the whole family is doing well.



@Chinatown88 Beef is a “hotpot is work” guy, isn’t he?

5000000000%

 

[Cody Webster]

Looks like I’m a little late, but congrats!! Hope the whole family is doing well.



@Chinatown88 Beef is a “hotpot is work” guy, isn’t he?

Thanks! So far, everything and everyone are great