OT: Youth hockey guidance

[SPV]

I know a lot of you have exposure to youth hockey and wanted to get some information.

My son is 8, and playing in a small travel hockey program. They got smoked twice these past few weekends by more than 15 goals per game. I noticed the coaches of the other team still running their top guys out and letting them skate around everyone even when the game was out of hand. Seems common, and I guess what else are they going to do. Also, I'm not an advocate for the participation medals, and think that losing team sports is a good life lesson.

Just curious what my expectations should be for my son. I think his team is decent, but obviously not up to the level of many of the bigger travel programs in the Boston area. He loves the game, and I want to foster that and not have him get discouraged at this age by getting trounced.

I guess they try to figure out a parity schedule, so maybe that will provide better level of competition, and more fun games for them. Our program director hasn't talked to the parents at all, so I really don't know what to expect.

Just thought I'd see if anyone has any good input to give me more information going forward.

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[Glove Malfunction]

I know a lot of you have exposure to youth hockey and wanted to get some information.

My son is 8, and playing in a small travel hockey program. They got smoked twice these past few weekends by more than 15 goals per game. I noticed the coaches of the other team still running their top guys out and letting them skate around everyone even when the game was out of hand. Seems common, and I guess what else are they going to do. Also, I'm not an advocate for the participation medals, and think that losing team sports is a good life lesson.

Just curious what my expectations should be for my son. I think his team is decent, but obviously not up to the level of many of the bigger travel programs in the Boston area. He loves the game, and I want to foster that and not have him get discouraged at this age by getting trounced.

I guess they try to figure out a parity schedule, so maybe that will provide better level of competition, and more fun games for them. Our program director hasn't talked to the parents at all, so I really don't know what to expect.

Just thought I'd see if anyone has any good input to give me more information going forward.

As you already noted, this weekend was one of the parity weekends, and during those, a lot of coaches won't call off the dogs and will score as many goals as possible to help their parity standing. Once you get past parity, a bunch of teams will look to make more passes and some will stop shooting almost altogether. Unfortunately, the parity weekends can be kinda brutal. But after parity, your son's team should be in a more competitive division.

As far as what to expect, I'd be surprised if the program director says anything at all to the parents, and it's probably a crapshoot that the coach says anything unless you go to him. The best you can expect is that your son has fun, enjoys the game and improves over the course of the season. As long as he's still looking forward to going to practice and games, then you're in good shape.

 

[BlackCrowes]

I know a lot of you have exposure to youth hockey and wanted to get some information.

My son is 8, and playing in a small travel hockey program. They got smoked twice these past few weekends by more than 15 goals per game. I noticed the coaches of the other team still running their top guys out and letting them skate around everyone even when the game was out of hand. Seems common, and I guess what else are they going to do. Also, I'm not an advocate for the participation medals, and think that losing team sports is a good life lesson.

Just curious what my expectations should be for my son. I think his team is decent, but obviously not up to the level of many of the bigger travel programs in the Boston area. He loves the game, and I want to foster that and not have him get discouraged at this age by getting trounced.

I guess they try to figure out a parity schedule, so maybe that will provide better level of competition, and more fun games for them. Our program director hasn't talked to the parents at all, so I really don't know what to expect.

Just thought I'd see if anyone has any good input to give me more information going forward.

Hey- I'm in my second year of coaching my son's PeeWee (U12 I guess we're calling it now) team. We had a decent team last year, but did have one game where we got lit up 15-0. It was the closest I came to actually saying something to the other coach all year, but figured like you there was no good that could come from it. That guy wanted to run the score up, I guess. And this might not help with Mites age, but I tried to use it as a learning experience for the kids. I told them after the second "Look, you can't control what they do. It's a good lesson in life. What you can control, and what I expect, is that you play the remaining 15 minutes as hard as you can, and cleanly, and DO NOT GIVE UP. And for crying out loud, have fun. I know losing is not fun at all, but you're playing hockey. It's better than homework..." and we proceeded to give up 5 more goals, but what can you do.

As for the schedule, I know that here in CT a lot or organizations will change who they play after a few games based on the talent of the team. It does no good for either team to be in a blow out.

As for your son, if he loves that game that's all you can ask for. Make sure it stays fun for him! I ask the kids every day, every practice, "Did you have fun today? Wasn't that fun??" Good luck and I hope the season gets a bit easier for you guys!

 

[SPV]

Thanks for the feedback

This is our first go-around with parity, so hopefully it will improve once things are settled. They did well in their other games, so it probably will.

I just want to do my part to foster his love for the game, and don't want to be an over involved parent. I just bring him to practice, games, and try to focus in on the fun and positives from everything.

Also good to hear that we probably won't hear anything from the program director or possibly even the coach; it lowers that expectation.

I played house league my whole life, my folks were poor; so this travel hockey stuff is all new to me!!

 

[BNHL]

]Hey- I'm in my second year of coaching my son's PeeWee (U12 I guess we're calling it now) team. We had a decent team last year, but did have one game where we got lit up 15-0.[/B] It was the closest I came to actually saying something to the other coach all year, but figured like you there was no good that could come from it. That guy wanted to run the score up, I guess. And this might not help with Mites age, but I tried to use it as a learning experience for the kids. I told them after the second "Look, you can't control what they do. It's a good lesson in life. What you can control, and what I expect, is that you play the remaining 15 minutes as hard as you can, and cleanly, and DO NOT GIVE UP. And for crying out loud, have fun. I know losing is not fun at all, but you're playing hockey. It's better than homework..." and we proceeded to give up 5 more goals, but what can you do.

As for the schedule, I know that here in CT a lot or organizations will change who they play after a few games based on the talent of the team. It does no good for either team to be in a blow out.

As for your son, if he loves that game that's all you can ask for. Make sure it stays fun for him! I ask the kids every day, every practice, "Did you have fun today? Wasn't that fun??" Good luck and I hope the season gets a bit easier for you guys!

That coach is a clueless jackass. His kids are getting a bad deal and bad example. Definitely a chance to teach kids that they will encounter jackasses at many points in life and to just move on.

 

[Mpasta]

I know a lot of you have exposure to youth hockey and wanted to get some information.

My son is 8, and playing in a small travel hockey program. They got smoked twice these past few weekends by more than 15 goals per game. I noticed the coaches of the other team still running their top guys out and letting them skate around everyone even when the game was out of hand. Seems common, and I guess what else are they going to do. Also, I'm not an advocate for the participation medals, and think that losing team sports is a good life lesson.

Just curious what my expectations should be for my son. I think his team is decent, but obviously not up to the level of many of the bigger travel programs in the Boston area. He loves the game, and I want to foster that and not have him get discouraged at this age by getting trounced.

I guess they try to figure out a parity schedule, so maybe that will provide better level of competition, and more fun games for them. Our program director hasn't talked to the parents at all, so I really don't know what to expect.

Just thought I'd see if anyone has any good input to give me more information going forward.

The thing is when it's 8 year olds, the coach isn't going to sit anybody on the bench typically. Everybody is supposed to get about the same amount of playing time even if the game is out of hand. Also, it's really hard to tell 8 year olds to not try as hard or to not shoot the puck.

Your son's team shouldn't be playing those types of teams all season so I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[TCDaniels]

The thing is when it's 8 year olds, the coach isn't going to sit anybody on the bench typically. Everybody is supposed to get about the same amount of playing time even if the game is out of hand. Also, it's really hard to tell 8 year olds to not try as hard or to not shoot the puck.

Your son's team shouldn't be playing those types of teams all season so I wouldn't worry about it.

I'll write more later, as I'm at work - but I've been a coach for about 25 years... Everything from Learn-To-Skate / Mites to High School Hockey, and everything in between. My oldest son just turned 9, so (for those with less-than-stellar math skills), I coached sans kids being involved for like 15 years. (great opportunity to get the perspective from outside the parent's myopic vision of the way things should be)

I did want to make one quick comment about the bolded above: You're right - it IS difficult... but it's not impossible.

My son was a "Travel Mite" last year, and we played against teams that would beat us 15-2... We also played against teams that we could easily beat 15-2.

The difference is that when we played against a "weak" team, I told my kids "Look - you KNOW you can beat these guys by as many goals as you feel like scoring... But that does nothing to help us learn anything in the long run. AND - you know what it's like to be on the wrong end of a blow-out. So- here's the deal - we're going to practice our positioning and our passing. The rule is 3 good passes before you take a shot. I don't care if you're standing alone in front of the net with the puck... I don't care if the goalie has fallen down in the corner - if you haven't made 3 good passes - don't shoot"

We get out onto the ice, and one of the girls on our team finds herself on a complete breakaway. She gets to about 10-15 feet in front of the net all by herself, stops, turns around with the puck, and passes it back to one of her teammates who was 10-15 feet behind her.

It IS difficult to get 8-9 year-olds to stop shooting, but it's not impossible. You just have to coach them about empathy, knowing when enough is enough, and be able to present why, sometimes it is a good idea to NOT score a ton of goals.

 

[BNHL]

I'll write more later, as I'm at work - but I've been a coach for about 25 years... Everything from Learn-To-Skate / Mites to High School Hockey, and everything in between. My oldest son just turned 9, so (for those with less-than-stellar math skills), I coached sans kids being involved for like 15 years. (great opportunity to get the perspective from outside the parent's myopic vision of the way things should be)

I did want to make one quick comment about the bolded above: You're right - it IS difficult... but it's not impossible.

My son was a "Travel Mite" last year, and we played against teams that would beat us 15-2... We also played against teams that we could easily beat 15-2.

The difference is that when we played against a "weak" team, I told my kids "Look - you KNOW you can beat these guys by as many goals as you feel like scoring... But that does nothing to help us learn anything in the long run. AND - you know what it's like to be on the wrong end of a blow-out. So- here's the deal - we're going to practice our positioning and our passing. The rule is 3 good passes before you take a shot. I don't care if you're standing alone in front of the net with the puck... I don't care if the goalie has fallen down in the corner - if you haven't made 3 good passes - don't shoot"

We get out onto the ice, and one of the girls on our team finds herself on a complete breakaway. She gets to about 10-15 feet in front of the net all by herself, stops, turns around with the puck, and passes it back to one of her teammates who was 10-15 feet behind her.

It IS difficult to get 8-9 year-olds to stop shooting, but it's not impossible. You just have to coach them about empathy, knowing when enough is enough, and be able to present why, sometimes it is a good idea to NOT score a ton of goals.

Since almost no one is making it to the big show,it's about fun,learning to work as a team,sportsmanship,respect and humility. 10 goal differentials send all the wrong messages. Personally,I'd restrict my defense to the redline at the very least.

 

[TCDaniels]

Since almost no one is making it to the big show,it's about fun,learning to work as a team,sportsmanship,respect and humility. 10 goal differentials send all the wrong messages. Personally,I'd restrict my defense to the redline at the very least.

Bingo - as part of my pre-game speech before a game where we know we can destroy the other team, I would always remind them of the games where we got our ***** handed to us.

"Remember how you guys felt when we played Team-X? Not a ton of fun, right? Well - I want you to remember that when you go out on the ice as well. You don't have to score 15 goals to be having a good time. You don't have to score 15 goals to be "learning something".

And believe me - there's nobody in this locker room that needs to score 15 goals to prove that we can beat this other team... We all know that we can beat them. Sometimes it's not all about winning - it's about playing fair. Remember your game against Team X and picture yourself on the other end of the score when you think about hot-dogging around the entire team to score a meaningless goal."

 

[BNHL]

Bingo - as part of my pre-game speech before a game where we know we can destroy the other team, I would always remind them of the games where we got our ***** handed to us.

"Remember how you guys felt when we played Team-X? Not a ton of fun, right? Well - I want you to remember that when you go out on the ice as well. You don't have to score 15 goals to be having a good time. You don't have to score 15 goals to be "learning something".

And believe me - there's nobody in this locker room that needs to score 15 goals to prove that we can beat this other team... We all know that we can beat them. Sometimes it's not all about winning - it's about playing fair. Remember your game against Team X and picture yourself on the other end of the score when you think about hot-dogging around the entire team to score a meaningless goal."

It boggles the mind what some adults are thinking. Good thing that most kids get over stuff in the blink of an eye.

 

[BigGoalBrad]

Not directing this at anyone or in responding to any posts.

Blowouts are character building. Not to mention fluke results happen in kids sports just like adult sports a team that beats another 12-0 one game may not lose the rematch when the two teams play again but they certainly won't blow them out 12-0 again. And when you play that team that beat you 12-0 for the second time in a season and lose 5-3 it shows remarkable improvement. And yes in youth hockey a team can get drilled by 10 goals and tie the team that did it in the rematch.


As the coach of the team blowing someone out the kids won't listen to telling them to stop playing or they'll serious start to goof off and get into bad habits. You just tap the best players on the shoulder and tell them not to score any more and only go for assists. But the younger and lesser players on the better team get to maybe score their only goal of the season or maybe get a hat trick which will give them confidence in these games.


The scoreboard of course needs to be frozen/turned off after a certain goal margin for kids younger than high school and the clock should be run but that is about it. Lopsided results happen don't blame the kids or the other coaches. In all likely hood the team that got creamed will likely play better next game and the team that won will not be as focused and motivated and will underperform. Often the lopsided results are merely due to a weaker backup goalie having a rough game and letting in a load of softies and the kids losing interest early its sports it happens.

 

[TCDaniels]

Not directing this at anyone or in responding to any posts.

Blowouts are character building. Not to mention fluke results happen in kids sports just like adult sports a team that beats another 12-0 one game may not lose the rematch when the two teams play again but they certainly won't blow them out 12-0 again. And when you play that team that beat you 12-0 for the second time in a season and lose 5-3 it shows remarkable improvement. And yes in youth hockey a team can get drilled by 10 goals and tie the team that did it in the rematch.


As the coach of the team blowing someone out the kids won't listen to telling them to stop playing or they'll serious start to goof off and get into bad habits. You just tap the best players on the shoulder and tell them not to score any more and only go for assists. But the younger and lesser players on the better team get to maybe score their only goal of the season or maybe get a hat trick which will give them confidence in these games.


The scoreboard of course needs to be frozen/turned off after a certain goal margin for kids younger than high school and the clock should be run but that is about it. Lopsided results happen don't blame the kids or the other coaches. In all likely hood the team that got creamed will likely play better next game and the team that won will not be as focused and motivated and will underperform. Often the lopsided results are merely due to a weaker backup goalie having a rough game and letting in a load of softies and the kids losing interest early its sports it happens.

Don't know if you've ever coached young kids, but this is definitely not the case with the younger ones (say U-10).

 

[Bruwinz37]

I feel like I could write a book at this point. Son is a First year bantam.

Best advice.....find a coach that focuses on development, skills and skating. Any guy trying to teach systems to mites and squirts are doing a disservice. Stay away from summer tournaments for the most part. Total waste of time and money. Sure do one or two for fun if you want but time is better spent on skills and more importantly playing lax or baseball.

I have met some of my best friends and great people in youth hockey and many more who are selfish, political know it all a-holes....who really don't know anything.

Admittedly I have been the worst hockey parent and at times the best (or at least good). I am lucky my son loves the sport because I likely could have ruined for him. Also, please note that all of the above I mentioned I probably did wrong too so learn from my mistakes.

Most of all NEVER let some coach or anyone else tell you it matters how well your kid plays in a tournament as a mite or if they "have to do this tournament " or "have to go to this camp". It's all about the $$$$$.

When it comes time to be noticed as long as your kid can play they won't care what he did in Squirts.

 

[PlayMakers]

I agree with everything Bruwinz said...

It's all about skill development, and mentality. Find a coach who focuses on skill development. As a parent, help your kid focus on the effort and not the results. That doesn't mean winning doesn't matter, but too many times, I've seen "loves to win" turn into "hates to lose" which creates a host of negative baggage. Hating to lose creates anxiety over big games. Some kids won't try as hard in games they think they can't win, and then play like world beaters against weaker teams because that fear of losing is removed... The key is to get kids to love to compete. Love the battle, love the challenge. Those kids get excited for playoff games, not nervous. Studies have also shown they try harder and are more persistent when they encounter challenges. And hockey development is nothing but constant challenge.

And don't worry about those recent scores. I know it's not fun for kids to get blown out but parity will sort that out and get them playing competitive games.

 

[Gee Wally]

I feel like I could write a book at this point. Son is a First year bantam.

Best advice.....find a coach that focuses on development, skills and skating. Any guy trying to teach systems to mites and squirts are doing a disservice. Stay away from summer tournaments for the most part. Total waste of time and money. Sure do one or two for fun if you want but time is better spent on skills and more importantly playing lax or baseball.

I have met some of my best friends and great people in youth hockey and many more who are selfish, political know it all a-holes....who really don't know anything.

Admittedly I have been the worst hockey parent and at times the best (or at least good). I am lucky my son loves the sport because I likely could have ruined for him. Also, please note that all of the above I mentioned I probably did wrong too so learn from my mistakes.

Most of all NEVER let some coach or anyone else tell you it matters how well your kid plays in a tournament as a mite or if they "have to do this tournament " or "have to go to this camp". It's all about the $$$$$.

When it comes time to be noticed as long as your kid can play they won't care what he did in Squirts.

Great advice there.

 

[ODAAT]

I know a lot of you have exposure to youth hockey and wanted to get some information.

My son is 8, and playing in a small travel hockey program. They got smoked twice these past few weekends by more than 15 goals per game. I noticed the coaches of the other team still running their top guys out and letting them skate around everyone even when the game was out of hand. Seems common, and I guess what else are they going to do. Also, I'm not an advocate for the participation medals, and think that losing team sports is a good life lesson.

Just curious what my expectations should be for my son. I think his team is decent, but obviously not up to the level of many of the bigger travel programs in the Boston area. He loves the game, and I want to foster that and not have him get discouraged at this age by getting trounced.

I guess they try to figure out a parity schedule, so maybe that will provide better level of competition, and more fun games for them. Our program director hasn't talked to the parents at all, so I really don't know what to expect.

Just thought I'd see if anyone has any good input to give me more information going forward.

no matter the sport, there will always be a few coaches out there who act like the one you described above.

I`ve coached or assisted in house leagues and AA. While there is most definitely a difference in how I approached practices, my emphasis was ALWAYS on development and fun.

If a game got out of hand (for either team) I used to mix the lines up a ton, not to try to spur a comeback on or to rub the score in but giving a player who typically was a 3rd line grinder or a touch less talented, time with our more skilled players. More often than not, when mixing it up a bit, the score rarely changed but the kids had fun.

Thankfully I didn`t encounter too many opposing coaches who ran up the score so I can`t really speak to it, certainly been involved in games where the score was lopsided but more often than not it was simply a case of one team having it while the other didn`t, I didn`t feel a coach was consistently putting out his top lines to run it up

When I coached house leage, for a 50 minute session, we practiced development drills skating/passing/shooting for the first half hour and I ALWAYS finished with a mini scrimmage which, as we all know, every kid loves

 

[SPV]

Thank you all for the input again.

I'm really just interested in making sure he continues to enjoy the game. And with my limited knowledge of travel hockey, I just didn't know a lot about parity games, etc. And I know that getting beat 15-0 isn't going to be a way to keep him interested. But if I understand correctly, they will sort them out and it should be more fun the rest of the year.

As long as he still has fun, that is my ultimate goal.

 

[Beesfan]

I know a lot of you have exposure to youth hockey and wanted to get some information.

My son is 8, and playing in a small travel hockey program. They got smoked twice these past few weekends by more than 15 goals per game. I noticed the coaches of the other team still running their top guys out and letting them skate around everyone even when the game was out of hand. Seems common, and I guess what else are they going to do. Also, I'm not an advocate for the participation medals, and think that losing team sports is a good life lesson.

Just curious what my expectations should be for my son. I think his team is decent, but obviously not up to the level of many of the bigger travel programs in the Boston area. He loves the game, and I want to foster that and not have him get discouraged at this age by getting trounced.

I guess they try to figure out a parity schedule, so maybe that will provide better level of competition, and more fun games for them. Our program director hasn't talked to the parents at all, so I really don't know what to expect.

Just thought I'd see if anyone has any good input to give me more information going forward.

Stick with it. I see you're from New Hampshire. I grew up playing youth hockey and then high school hockey in New Hampshire ('86-'00). I had a great experience, especially in youth hockey. I started travel hockey around 7, and always played on the local "A" team, except we typically would play at the State "B" level because the teams from Concord and Manchester had a far greater talent pool to draw from. Consequently, we were always competitive and won a couple state championships. I played high school hockey at the DI level for three years, which was a bit of a tough adjustment, but one were mostly able to make (team was a bit over .500).

My major point is that you are right to try to locate the correct level of competition for your team. It will be more fun, which is what this is really about, and I think it can help development too. An occasional blowout, especially against a great team, is no big deal and can also be fun.

 

[ODAAT]

Just another brief point. My 'career' if you could call it that came to an end as I had pretty much maxed out as far as I could go but more than that, I stopped having any fun playing. There`s a difference between being competitive and challenged by coaches than being humiliated, berated by them which I wasn`t necessarily the recipient of, but wasn`t close to being comfortable being exposed to

 

[GloryDaze4877]

I feel like I could write a book at this point. Son is a First year bantam.

Best advice.....find a coach that focuses on development, skills and skating. Any guy trying to teach systems to mites and squirts are doing a disservice. Stay away from summer tournaments for the most part. Total waste of time and money. Sure do one or two for fun if you want but time is better spent on skills and more importantly playing lax or baseball.

I have met some of my best friends and great people in youth hockey and many more who are selfish, political know it all a-holes....who really don't know anything.

Admittedly I have been the worst hockey parent and at times the best (or at least good). I am lucky my son loves the sport because I likely could have ruined for him. Also, please note that all of the above I mentioned I probably did wrong too so learn from my mistakes.

Most of all NEVER let some coach or anyone else tell you it matters how well your kid plays in a tournament as a mite or if they "have to do this tournament " or "have to go to this camp". It's all about the $$$$$.

When it comes time to be noticed as long as your kid can play they won't care what he did in Squirts.

BJ, good stuff here.

I would like to add a few things. My son is the same age as yours, an 03 (first year Bantam). He's small, but feisty, unselfish, doesn't care about his stats, has a good hockey IQ and is the first one to back up a teammate (whether he likes him off the ice or not). The problem is that he's not the best skater (quick, but not fast), and needs work on his edges and strides. The organization he played for (a house league team) had a power skating coach come in and work with the kids 4-6 times a season and I always assumed that would be enough. As a consequence, he has often been overlooked at "Evals" because he's a much better game player than he is during line drills.

This happened again this past season (and at the Bantam Evals). He played on a B level team, despite the fact that he would outperform many kids on the A team when he was "called up" for Independent games. Towards the end of the season, I asked him what he wanted to do with hockey, and his answer was simple...I want to play for our HS team. He realizes that he will make the team regardless because we are a small town, but he wants to play, not sit, during his years on the team. I was honest with him and said if that was then case, he had some work to do.

It was his idea to take part in a summer program. As BJ said, I have been told that playing for these summer tournament teams is not a great idea. Instead he chose a program that practices twice a week for an hour and also does an hour of off ice conditioning those same nights. In addition, they play 3v3 games on Sunday nights. It was good for his skating to stay on the ice all summer, but the one thing he took away from the program which I think affected him the most was the realization that just busting it at practice and games wasn't enough. He knows now that if he wants to reach HIS goals, he needs to do more. Diet, off ice work, etc. Kids will alway need some prodding, but I can't stress enough that they have to be having fun and want it for themselves, otherwise there isn't much point to it. We lucked out because he met a few kids this summer doing that program and he ended up getting an invite to play for an independent team that I would say is a very good place for him. Not an "elite" travel team, but better than the House League teams and some of the Premeir teams (less money as well). His teammate's are good and seem to all be serious about the game (well, as serious as an 13 year old can be ). He is in the bottom third of the team talent wise, which means that he will have to push all season to keep up and compete (which is what I wanted for him).

I kick myself a bit because while he is in a good place, I may have waited too long. I'm not a crazy parent that thinks my son is going to be a pro, or even play in college (obviously I don't tell him this), but I should have asked him what he wanted to do earlier. I should have explored other options (travel programs, off ice programs) earlier than I did (at Pee Wees). Another HUGE thing, is considering private lessons. No matter how good a program/coach is, they usually have 11-15 kids they are responsible for during practice and with a limited amount of time, it's extremely difficult to pay attention to the individual areas of need each kid has in that situation. BJ and others are correct, choose a coach/program that is going to stress development and fun over winning and system play, but don't expect them to be able to do everything for your son/daughter. My son has recently been working with a guy that is a coach, ex-AHL player and has a son in the Q. In only three sessions I have seen a marked improvement in the areas they have been working on.

The best advice I can give is that at younger ages, encourage and nurture their love of the game, and as they get older, talk to them, see what they want to do so that you can make good choices to give them the best experience they can have, whether that's having fun, or trying to play at an Elite level.

 

[TCDaniels]

BJ, good stuff here.

I would like to add a few things. My son is the same age as yours, an 03 (first year Bantam). He's small, but feisty, unselfish, doesn't care about his stats, has a good hockey IQ and is the first one to back up a teammate (whether he likes him off the ice or not). The problem is that he's not the best skater (quick, but not fast), and needs work on his edges and strides. The organization he played for (a house league team) had a power skating coach come in and work with the kids 4-6 times a season and I always assumed that would be enough. As a consequence, he has often been overlooked at "Evals" because he's a much better game player than he is during line drills.

This happened again this past season (and at the Bantam Evals). He played on a B level team, despite the fact that he would outperform many kids on the A team when he was "called up" for Independent games. Towards the end of the season, I asked him what he wanted to do with hockey, and his answer was simple...I want to play for our HS team. He realizes that he will make the team regardless because we are a small town, but he wants to play, not sit, during his years on the team. I was honest with him and said if that was then case, he had some work to do.

It was his idea to take part in a summer program. As BJ said, I have been told that playing for these summer tournament teams is not a great idea. Instead he chose a program that practices twice a week for an hour and also does an hour of off ice conditioning those same nights. In addition, they play 3v3 games on Sunday nights. It was good for his skating to stay on the ice all summer, but the one thing he took away from the program which I think affected him the most was the realization that just busting it at practice and games wasn't enough. He knows now that if he wants to reach HIS goals, he needs to do more. Diet, off ice work, etc. Kids will alway need some prodding, but I can't stress enough that they have to be having fun and want it for themselves, otherwise there isn't much point to it. We lucked out because he met a few kids this summer doing that program and he ended up getting an invite to play for an independent team that I would say is a very good place for him. Not an "elite" travel team, but better than the House League teams and some of the Premeir teams (less money as well). His teammate's are good and seem to all be serious about the game (well, as serious as an 13 year old can be ). He is in the bottom third of the team talent wise, which means that he will have to push all season to keep up and compete (which is what I wanted for him).

I kick myself a bit because while he is in a good place, I may have waited too long. I'm not a crazy parent that thinks my son is going to be a pro, or even play in college (obviously I don't tell him this), but I should have asked him what he wanted to do earlier. I should have explored other options (travel programs, off ice programs) earlier than I did (at Pee Wees). Another HUGE thing, is considering private lessons. No matter how good a program/coach is, they usually have 11-15 kids they are responsible for during practice and with a limited amount of time, it's extremely difficult to pay attention to the individual areas of need each kid has in that situation. BJ and others are correct, choose a coach/program that is going to stress development and fun over winning and system play, but don't expect them to be able to do everything for your son/daughter. My son has recently been working with a guy that is a coach, ex-AHL player and has a son in the Q. In only three sessions I have seen a marked improvement in the areas they have been working on.

The best advice I can give is that at younger ages, encourage and nurture their love of the game, and as they get older, talk to them, see what they want to do so that you can make good choices to give them the best experience they can have, whether that's having fun, or trying to play at an Elite level.

This, too, is very good advice...

As I mentioned - my son is a first-year Squirt (U-10). For the past two summers he has participated in a "Spring Fling" program which involved Skills sessions (primarily edge work), alternating with in-house games.

This past summer, he was part of one of the Select "Tournament Teams".

My wife and I signed him up for these extra-curricular sessions not because we thought it would help prep him for higher level playing opportunities (as I said to my co-workers: How "select" can a kid be at 8?)

We signed him up because he loves to play hockey. This is the kind of kid who hates to miss practice because he just loves being on the ice... he loves to go to be a "shooter" at goalie-camp practices, and loves to go to the local outdoor rink whenever he can.

These were a couple of the very few options we had to get him some "extra ice time"

That said - he also plays Lacrosse, ran track, tried his hand at baseball this summer, and is currently on the town's 4th/5th grade football team...

We TOTALLY understand that he needs to be involved in "other things", and he loves being involved in other things... But he would give them all up in a heartbeat if he had to choose between those other activities and hockey.

And - he just turned 9, so it's not like he's "planning his career trajectory" - I've forewarned him about the truth about kids who just KNOW they're going to be NHL stars. Forewarned him about how good EVERYBODY in the NHL really is, in relationship to the rest of us mere mortals - how truly difficult it is to make it to the NHL.

And he's cool with that - He's just playing because it's fun!

So we try to give him what we can for ice time, because it's what he enjoys doing more than anything else.

 

[BigGoalBrad]

Don't know if you've ever coached young kids, but this is definitely not the case with the younger ones (say U-10).

There are town leagues where the teams will be changed after lopsided results to keep things fun.

Kids are resilient and will be laughing before they even get to the car no matter the result at that age.

GL to everyones kids and their teams in this thread!!!!

 

[GloryDaze4877]

Son was involved in one of those lopsided games we were talking about on Sunday in our first game. As I mentioned, he's playing for an Independent travel team, and we played a mixed Bantam team (02/03 birth years) from CT. All the boys on my son's team are 03 birth years. Apparently, this team beat our team last year 7-1 (they must have lost some players), but we crushed them something like 15-0 (they stopped putting up goals at 7) and held them to one shot for the entire game.

In the second and third periods, our boys moved the puck around a lot before shooting, but at the Bantam level, it's hard to tell these guys not to shoot at all. I almost think (being on the receiving end of some of these) that it's worse when you tell your kids not to score. The other team definitely knows. The game (understandably) got a little chippy, but not too bad.

We have to play these guys again at their home rink and they have another better Bantam team. I suspect that we will be facing at least some kids from that team in the return game. I don't blame our coaches for this type of thing at the beginning of the season because it's hard to gauge teams from other leagues and divisions. I'm hoping there are not many more of these.

 

[Therick67]

Son was involved in one of those lopsided games we were talking about on Sunday in our first game. As I mentioned, he's playing for an Independent travel team, and we played a mixed Bantam team (02/03 birth years) from CT. All the boys on my son's team are 03 birth years. Apparently, this team beat our team last year 7-1 (they must have lost some players), but we crushed them something like 15-0 (they stopped putting up goals at 7) and held them to one shot for the entire game.

In the second and third periods, our boys moved the puck around a lot before shooting, but at the Bantam level, it's hard to tell these guys not to shoot at all. I almost think (being on the receiving end of some of these) that it's worse when you tell your kids not to score. The other team definitely knows. The game (understandably) got a little chippy, but not too bad.

We have to play these guys again at their home rink and they have another better Bantam team. I suspect that we will be facing at least some kids from that team in the return game. I don't blame our coaches for this type of thing at the beginning of the season because it's hard to gauge teams from other leagues and divisions. I'm hoping there are not many more of these.

I'm assistant coach on both my sons regular team and his middle school team. We've been on both sides of this. While it's the right thing to do, it does on occasion look worse than if the team that's up big just keeps playing.

Things do get chippy and the team that's losing feels more embarrassed as they know whats going on.

The other thing is, we preach to the kids hard work, play to the whistle, don't give up - then asking them to take the foot off the gas doesn't always work.

The blowouts either way, aren't fun. I almost rather lose a close game 3-2, then win 15-2. The kids get nothing out of that type of game on either team.

 

[Comfort Eagle]

I'm the head coach of my sons Squirt B2 team. This is his second year in youth hockey, and my first as a head coach. I was an assistant last season on his Squirt C team.

We've played two games so far. The first we won 6-0 with one of our kids getting 4 goals and 2 assists. Very impressive. Our last game on Saturday of this past weekend we lost a close one 4-3 with our team thoroughly outplaying the completion the whole game it seemed. Only to make a few mistakes that ended up in our net. I feel we learned more from the close defeat than we did form the blow out win. The kid that had all the points in the first game had nothing in the second. My son was all broken up about this loss as he was playing defense this game(his request), and was on the ice for the goal that put the other team ahead. He played a great game on defense, but thought the last goal was his fault. It wasn't. It was a full team goal against, in that everyone made a mistake on this particular play.

I'm still trying to get a real feel for the team, and where I want each kid to play, but I also want to be able to move them anywhere, and everywhere as I feel that makes someone a better player. We had many occasions last season where we were short handed because of sickness, or kids just not being able to make a game. Couple that with a penalty or two, and you can see that little Johnny may have to play defense even if he doesn't want to.

I will say my parents this year have been good about not bothering me with too much crap, but they are poor communicators with emails, etc. As a coach there is nothing more frustrating than parents that don't communicate. Also the early morning practices and games are a problem for even the coaches, not just the parents. Have some compassion for the volunteers as it is a lot of responsibility, and time. I know I don't make the schedule, so complaining to a coach about a schedule is really not going to get anywhere. we don't want to get up at 4 AM anymore than you do.

One really strange thing happened during the game on Saturday. One of the players from the other team was lining up for a face off in front of our bench. Have you ever had that weird feeling that someone is staring at you? Well I had it, and looked over at this kid giving me a serial killer stare that went right through me. I have no idea what it was all about, but it was creepy. I mentioned it to my son, and said it was number 9. My son said that was the same kid that laughed when my son fell down on a play, and also was saying you suck in the hand shake line. I'll tell you that I told my kids, and parents that I wouldn't stand for our kids doing anything like that , and I would bench a kid for disrespecting an opponent or official. There is no place for that in society, or hockey in my opinion. I hope I don't have to bench a kid for that this season, and I truly doubt I will with this group.

I made a few compliments to opposing players last season as an assistant from the bench, and had a kid from my team look at me, and say I can't say that to the opponent. I looked right at him, and said I can, and I will. Good hockey is good hockey no matter what color sweater you're wearing. Hockey is a family, regardless of what color you wear in my opinion.

So far I love my experience as a coach, but it is a long season, and I'm sure I will hate parts of it along the way.