Useless Thread MMI: Babe Woof Depreciation Thread

[Kshahdoo]

 

[Sega Dreamcast]

Nikki Bella at #30 and Charlotte winning, lol, f*** off

 

[Sega Dreamcast]

And no one gave a shit about f***wit Logan Paul coming back, except to boo him

 

[SoupNazi]

Plushies on the Suez: The General’s Latest Disaster​

We barely had time to process our catastrophic diplomatic failure in Russia before we were unceremoniously deported to Egypt.

Why Egypt? No idea. But given our track record, I figured we’d be kicked out soon enough.

Juan, however, saw this as an opportunity.

“The Suez Canal!” he declared proudly, standing on the dusty streets of Port Said, overlooking one of the busiest trade routes in the world. “A global center of commerce! And you know what’s missing here?”

Brenda yawned. “Somewhere to get a good lasagna?”

“A plushie stand,” Juan announced.

I rubbed my temples. Of course.

The Suez Canal Plushie Experience™​

Within two days, Juan had somehow acquired a rickety wooden cart and set up a makeshift stand right on the edge of the canal.

A massive hand-painted sign hung over the stall, reading:

"General Freedom's Suez Canal Plushie Experience™: Where Commerce Meets Cuddles!"

His inventory included:

• Plush camels wearing little sailor hats
• Miniature plush oil tankers with "SUEZ OR BUST" written on the sides
• A stuffed eagle named Captain Canal, which Juan claimed was a "good luck charm for smooth sailing."

Brenda, meanwhile, decided to contribute by selling "Sphinx-Inspired Egyptian Lasagna," which was somehow stuffed with falafel and coated in hummus.

It was an abomination.

The Incident​

Business was… slow.

Cargo ships glided past us, captains staring in confusion at Juan, who stood on the shore, dramatically waving a plushie camel in the air.

"YOU NEED THIS FOR YOUR JOURNEY, CAPTAIN! CUDDLES FOR SAFE PASSAGE!"

Not a single ship stopped.

Then Juan, in his infinite wisdom, decided the problem was visibility.

“We need to make a bigger impact,” he mused.

I should have stopped him right there. I didn’t.

And that’s how, less than an hour later, Juan hijacked a small fishing boat, loaded it with plushies, and tried to sail into the canal to personally distribute them to passing ships.

What happened next?

• Juan’s boat stalled in the middle of the canal.
• A massive cargo ship had to swerve to avoid hitting him.
• The ship wedged itself sideways in the canal.
• Global trade came to a screeching halt.

We had single-handedly recreated the Ever Given crisis.

Brenda watched the chaos unfold, chewing on her horrific lasagna.

“Now that’s what I call a banger of a pinched log.”

Deportation (Again)​

Authorities weren’t thrilled.

Within minutes, armed Egyptian police swarmed our plushie stand, shouting angrily in Arabic.

Juan tried his usual trick—offering a plushie as a peace offering.

It did not work.

By nightfall, we were on a plane out of Egypt.

To where?

Nobody told us.

Juan, however, was unbothered.

As he reclined in his airplane seat, munching on the last of Brenda’s nightmare lasagna, he mused:

“You know… I hear Zimbabwe has a booming market for plushies.”

I stared at him.

I turned to Brenda.

Brenda just grinned.

Oh no.