Useless Thread MM: Brenda Walsh Appreciation Thread

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Pucks, Plushies, and Pandemonium


Chapter 21: Chaos at the Bell Centre​

After a wildly unsuccessful day at the Jean-Talon Market (during which Brenda sold exactly one lasagna to a confused tourist), she hatched a new plan: infiltrate a Montreal Canadiens game at the Bell Centre.

"Think about it!" Brenda exclaimed as we trudged through the snowy streets. "Thousands of hockey fans! A captive audience! We’ll toss plushies from the stands during intermission. It’ll be a viral marketing campaign!”

“Or a quick way to get arrested,” I muttered.

Juan, still clinging to his stuffed warthog, nodded solemnly. “The plushies must be avenged.”

I didn’t even ask what that meant anymore.


Chapter 22: The Setup​

Brenda had somehow procured tickets to the game—nosebleed seats, naturally. I don’t know how she managed it, but judging by the ticket seller’s lingering look of horror, I assumed it involved lasagna.

The three of us shuffled into the Bell Centre, Juan lugging a duffle bag stuffed with plushies of every imaginable animal. Hargrave, as usual, was tailing us, now disguised in a Canadiens jersey.

Brenda grinned as the teams hit the ice. “This is it. The Plushie Party makes its big debut!”

“This is a bad idea,” I hissed.

“Relax,” she said, pulling out a small stuffed penguin. “What could possibly go wrong?”


Chapter 23: Intermission Mayhem​

As the first intermission began, Brenda stood up and waved her arms dramatically.

“ATTENTION, HOCKEY FANS!” she bellowed, her voice carrying surprisingly well. “Today, we bring you joy in the form of—”

Before she could finish, Juan began chucking plushies into the crowd with alarming enthusiasm. Penguins, warthogs, and koalas flew through the air, smacking unsuspecting fans in the face.

A hush fell over the crowd as a stuffed giraffe soared onto the ice, landing unceremoniously near the Zamboni.

“What… the… heck?” one man muttered, holding up a plushie covered in marinara sauce.

The crowd erupted into chaos.


Chapter 24: The Plushie Fight​

It started innocently enough. A kid in the front row picked up a plush penguin and lobbed it back toward the stands. A second later, another fan joined in. Before long, plushies were flying in every direction, and the arena turned into an all-out war zone.

“This is marketing genius!” Brenda yelled, pelting a security guard with a stuffed turtle.

“This is a crime!” I shouted back, ducking under a plush moose.

Juan, meanwhile, was in his element. Standing on his seat, he hurled plushies with a manic fervor, screaming, “THE PLUSHIES WILL NOT BE SILENCED!”

On the ice, the players stopped warming up to watch the carnage unfold. A Canadiens player picked up a warthog and tossed it at a referee, who retaliated with a well-aimed penguin.


Chapter 25: The Great Escape​

It didn’t take long for security to swarm our section.

“We’re in trouble,” I hissed.

Brenda grinned. “Relax. This is just a publicity stunt.”

“PUBLICITY STUNT?” Hargrave’s voice boomed behind us. He had shed his disguise and now looked thoroughly unimpressed. “Do you three have any idea how many laws you just broke?”

“Not specifically,” Brenda said, hurling a plush otter at him.

“Enough!” Hargrave snapped, grabbing the duffle bag from Juan. “We’re leaving. NOW.”

With security hot on our heels, Hargrave led us through a series of back hallways and out into the freezing Montreal night.


Chapter 26: A New Catchphrase​

Back in our dingy motel room, Brenda paced furiously.

“Well, that didn’t go as planned,” she admitted.

“You think?” I said, rubbing my temples.

Juan, undeterred, sat cross-legged on the floor, cuddling his warthog. “It was still a glorious battle.”

Hargrave, who was nursing a black eye courtesy of a rogue plush platypus, glared at us. “If you pull another stunt like that, I’m leaving you to rot in a Canadian prison.”

Brenda ignored him, a thoughtful expression on her face. Finally, she grinned.

“I’ve got it!” she declared. “A new catchphrase for the Plushie Party: ‘When life gives you pucks, throw plushies!’”

I groaned. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

But Brenda and Juan were already plotting their next move—and I had a sinking feeling the chaos was far from over.
 
Plushies on Parliament


Chapter 27: A Plushie Proposal​

After the Bell Centre debacle, Brenda was more determined than ever. "If we can conquer Canada, the Plushie Party will become unstoppable!" she declared, her eyes sparkling with manic energy.

“We didn’t ‘conquer’ anything,” I pointed out. “We were chased out by security and a very angry Zamboni driver.”

“Details,” she said, waving me off.

Juan, now wearing a Canadian flag as a cape, nodded solemnly. “We need to hit the heart of this country. The capital. Ottawa.”

Hargrave groaned. “Why am I still babysitting you lunatics?”

“Because you care,” Brenda replied sweetly, patting his cheek.

I sighed. “So what’s the plan now?”

Brenda grinned. “We’re going to Parliament Hill. And we’re bringing the plushies.”


Chapter 28: The Plushie Parade​

The next morning, we arrived in Ottawa. Brenda had somehow commandeered a parade float left over from a winter festival, and by commandeered, I mean she stole it. It was shaped like a giant snowflake and had been hastily decorated with plushies tied to every available surface.

“Behold, the Plushie Party Express!” Brenda announced, throwing her arms wide.

“It’s hideous,” Hargrave muttered.

“It’s art,” Juan countered, draping himself dramatically over a stuffed panda.

We rolled up to Parliament Hill, Brenda on a megaphone shouting, “Join the Plushie Party! A plushie for every Canadian!”

Security guards watched us with a mix of confusion and irritation as we parked the float in front of the iconic Peace Tower.


Chapter 29: Plushie Pandemonium​

Things escalated quickly.

Brenda began throwing plushies into the small crowd of tourists, yelling, “Hug your way to happiness!”

Juan, meanwhile, was leading a chant: “Plushies! Plushies! Plushies!”

I was trying to hide behind a life-sized stuffed giraffe when Hargrave grabbed my arm.

“This is going to end badly,” he hissed.

As if on cue, a Canadian Member of Parliament happened to walk by. Brenda, spotting her opportunity, rushed over and shoved a plush moose into his hands.

“This is our proposal!” she declared. “Make plushies the national mascot of Canada!”

The MP stared at her in disbelief. “What?”

“Think about it,” Brenda pressed. “Plushies unite people. Plushies bring joy. Plushies could even replace currency!”

“That’s… not how government works,” he said, backing away.


Chapter 30: The Mounties Arrive​

Before Brenda could launch into another tirade, a squad of Royal Canadian Mounted Police arrived, looking distinctly unimpressed.

“Ma’am, is this your float?” one of them asked.

“Of course!” Brenda said proudly. “We’re spreading the word about the Plushie Party.”

“You’re blocking access to Parliament Hill,” the Mountie said sternly. “And littering. And possibly violating some sort of parade permit law.”

Juan stepped forward, clutching his warthog. “The plushies must be avenged!” he bellowed, hurling the stuffed animal at the Mountie.

Chaos erupted.

The Mounties tried to confiscate the plushies, which only enraged Brenda. She began pelting them with stuffed penguins while yelling, “You can’t silence the Plushie Party!”

Hargrave and I made a break for it, but not before I saw Brenda climb onto the float, waving her megaphone like a sword.


Chapter 31: A Narrow Escape​

Somehow, we managed to avoid arrest. Hargrave, ever the reluctant hero, commandeered a tourist bus and whisked us away from the scene.

Brenda was breathless with excitement. “That was incredible! Did you see how many people took plushies? The movement is growing!”

“You mean the movement to have us deported?” I muttered.

Juan, unfazed, held up his warthog triumphantly. “We’ll be back, stronger than ever.”

Hargrave, gripping the steering wheel tightly, glared at us through the rearview mirror. “You people are unbelievable.”

“And yet you’re still here,” Brenda said with a wink.


Chapter 32: Onward to Toronto​

As the bus barreled down the highway, Brenda began plotting her next move.

“Toronto,” she said decisively. “It’s the biggest city in Canada. If we can win over Toronto, we’ll be unstoppable!”

I buried my face in my hands. “Please tell me you’re not planning another plushie parade.”

“Of course not,” she said with a grin. “This time, we’re going straight to the top.”

“Meaning what?” Hargrave asked warily.

“Meaning we’re going to crash a Maple Leafs game,” she declared.

I groaned. Hargrave swore under his breath. Juan hugged his warthog.

And so, our ridiculous journey continued.
 
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surprising considering your noted dislike of Marvel intellectual property :(

That because people are repeatedly wrong about which movies are great. Such as Ragnarok and Endgame being criminally overrated.

I mean, I definitely won't be paying any money to see it, but the trailer is good enough to not make me think "who cares".
 
Someone tell Marvel that it's possible to make a superhero movie where every meaningful moment doesn't get immediately ruined by a dumbass unfunny joke.

A movie can be entertaining by telling a compelling story, you don't need an overwhelming amount of cheap laughs.

There's lightening the mood and then there's ruining the moment by never letting a serious moment hold any meaning.
 
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Chiefs and the refs eeking out another weak victory against a team they're supposedly better than.

So tired of this shit, please lose and f*** off already
 
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