Useless Thread MCMXCIX: Miss Piggy Appreciation Thread

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Thank goodness these inane stories will end soon. I think only one person reads them here.

I mean I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but you may want to consider doing something else.

"Did you have any thoughts on Mrs. Featherbottom."

No I just scroll by when I see paragraphs and paragraphs of long text.
 
Thank goodness these inane stories will end soon. I think only one person reads them here.

I mean I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but you may want to consider doing something else.
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I mean I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but you may want to consider doing something else.
 
Cincinnati Reds Announce Terry Francona as New Manager

October 4, 2024 – The Cincinnati Reds are pleased to announce the appointment of Terry Francona as the club's new field manager. Francona has agreed to a three-year contract through the 2027 season, with a club option for 2028, becoming the 65th manager in franchise history.
MLB.com

Francona, 65, brings a wealth of experience and a proven track record to the Reds. Over his 23-year managerial career, he has amassed a record of 1,950-1,672, leading teams such as the Philadelphia Phillies, Boston Red Sox, and Cleveland Guardians. Notably, Francona guided the Red Sox to World Series titles in 2004 and 2007 and led the Guardians to the World Series in 2016. He is a three-time American League Manager of the Year, earning the honor in 2013, 2016, and 2022.
Reuters

"We are thrilled to welcome Terry Francona back to Cincinnati," said Reds President of Baseball Operations Nick Krall. "His leadership, experience, and commitment to excellence make him the ideal choice to guide our team as we continue to build a championship-caliber organization."

Francona's connection to Cincinnati dates back to his playing days; he appeared in 102 games for the Reds during the 1987 season. Reflecting on his return, Francona stated, "This opportunity with the Reds just felt right. The team's young talent and the city's rich baseball history make this a truly exciting time to be here."
Reuters

Francona replaces David Bell, who managed the Reds from 2019 to 2024, compiling a 409-456 record over six seasons. The Reds finished the 2024 season with a 77-85 record, showing promise with a roster featuring emerging stars.
Reuters

A formal introduction of Terry Francona as the Reds' new manager will take place at a press conference on Monday, October 7, at 10 a.m. at Great American Ball Park.

For more information, please contact www.reds.com.
 
I mean I like your contributions to this UT and it's good that it's active, and the stories were fine at first but when they're posted ad nauseum, often 3 or 4 consecutive times with long text, it gets hard to read

Why not do one story a day and keep it at that. I still wouldn't read it anyway but it would be less of an eyesore

 
The FINAL part of the (North American) saga:

The Plushie Legacy: A Surprise Ending


Six Months Later​

Life had settled into its strange, chaotic normalcy after the Plushie Land debacle. Brenda and John, ever resilient, continued to dream up harebrained schemes. John was now selling "custom plushie life insurance" online (don’t ask), while Brenda had started a YouTube channel called Brenda’s Bangers, where she reviewed lasagna recipes from around the world.

I thought I was finally free from their madness. Until one evening, when I opened my front door and found Brenda and John standing on my porch, looking suspiciously giddy.

“We’ve done it,” Brenda said, holding a stack of papers.

“Oh no,” I groaned. “What now?”

“We’re going to be rich,” John chimed in, clutching a plushie shaped like a gold bar.

Brenda shoved the papers into my hands. “We’ve sold the rights to our story! Some big-shot Hollywood producer heard about Plushie Land and wants to turn it into a movie! Can you believe it?”

I stared at the contract. “Wait… this is real? Someone actually bought the rights to your disaster of a life?”

Brenda beamed. “Of course! Who wouldn’t want to see Plushies: The Movie on the big screen?”

John grinned. “They’re even bringing in A-list actors! Mom’s being played by Melissa McCarthy, and guess who’s playing me? Chris Pratt!”

I blinked. “Chris Pratt? As you?”

John flexed his arm, revealing zero muscle. “Yeah, they said they’d have to ‘take some creative liberties.’ But hey, it’s Hollywood!”


Premiere Night​

Months later, the movie premiered to massive fanfare. Against all odds, Plushies: The Movie became a surprise box-office hit, with critics praising its "unintentionally absurd humor." Brenda and John basked in the glow of their newfound fame, giving interviews, signing autographs, and selling plushie-themed merchandise.

I watched it all unfold with a mix of disbelief and mild horror. They were rich, famous, and, for once, respected.

I thought that was the end of it. But, of course, with Brenda and John, there’s always one more twist.


The Surprise Ending​

One morning, I woke up to a knock on my door. When I opened it, I was greeted by a man in a black suit holding a briefcase.

“Are you [Narrator]?” he asked.

“Uh… yeah?”

He opened the briefcase, revealing a badge. “CIA. We need to talk about your friends, Brenda and John.”

My stomach dropped. “Oh no. What did they do this time?”

The agent’s face was grim. “It’s not what they did. It’s who they are.”

I blinked. “What are you talking about?”

The agent leaned closer. “Brenda and John Price aren’t who you think they are. They’re part of a long-lost North Korean sleeper cell. Their ridiculous schemes? Just a cover to gather intel. Even the plushies—they’ve been embedding microchips in them for years. Their entire lives have been leading to this.”

My jaw dropped. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I wish I were,” the agent said. “We need your help to bring them in. You’re the only one who knows how they think.”


The Final Confrontation​

That evening, I found myself at Brenda and John’s mansion, now decked out in plushie-themed décor, including a plushie-shaped fountain in the front yard.

“Surprise!” Brenda yelled as I walked in. “We just bought you your very own plushie! Isn’t it adorable?”

It was a life-sized plushie shaped like me. I shuddered.

“Listen,” I said, cutting to the chase. “I know everything. The plushie chips. The sleeper cell. The whole North Korean thing.”

Brenda froze, her lasagna fork hovering mid-air. John dropped his plushie gold bar.

“How… how did you find out?” Brenda whispered.

“You’re not exactly subtle,” I said, pointing to a framed photo of Kim Jong Un on their wall.

For a moment, they said nothing. Then Brenda sighed. “Well, I guess the jig is up.”

“Wait, Mom,” John said, a spark of hope in his eyes. “What if we just blame him?” He pointed at me.

Before I could protest, the sound of helicopters filled the air. Spotlights lit up the mansion as a voice boomed over a megaphone: “This is the CIA. Come out with your hands up!”

Brenda grabbed her purse and yelled, “It’s been real, sweetheart! Time to pinch out a log and flee!”

“Mom, wait for me!” John cried, stuffing plushies into a duffel bag as they bolted for the secret escape tunnel I didn’t know existed.


Epilogue​

They were gone by the time the CIA stormed the mansion. The agents found nothing but plushies and a half-eaten lasagna.

As for Brenda and John? Rumors say they’re somewhere in South America, starting a new life under fake names: Sandy and Juan Plushero.

And me? I’m finally free. Or so I think. Because every time I walk past a stuffed animal in a store, I can’t help but wonder: Is this the end? Or just the beginning of another plushie-fueled nightmare?

The End… for now.
 

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