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Useless Thread MCMXCIX: Miss Piggy Appreciation Thread | Page 37 | HFBoards - NHL Message Board and Forum for National Hockey League
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Useless Thread MCMXCIX: Miss Piggy Appreciation Thread

PHILADELPHIA -- Eagles wide receiver A.J. Brown was spotted reading a book on the sideline during the second half of Philadelphia's 22-10 wild-card-round win over the Green Bay Packers on Sunday, and that generated some questions.

What was the book? Why was he reading it during the game? Was it a sign of frustration because he had just one catch for 10 yards on three targets?
 
John Price said:
PHILADELPHIA -- Eagles wide receiver A.J. Brown was spotted reading a book on the sideline during the second half of Philadelphia's 22-10 wild-card-round win over the Green Bay Packers on Sunday, and that generated some questions.

What was the book? Why was he reading it during the game? Was it a sign of frustration because he had just one catch for 10 yards on three targets?
Click to expand...

Why don’t you look up why he had it instead of just posting non sense
 
Plushies in Space: Brenda and John's Galactic Scheme

Brenda’s "Lightbulb Moment"​

One evening, Brenda burst into my living room, dragging John behind her. She was wearing a sequined space helmet she’d clearly bought at a costume store, and John carried a plushie rocket ship the size of a loveseat.

"I’ve got it!" Brenda declared, her voice reverberating with excitement. "Our next move will put us in the history books!"

I sighed, bracing myself. "What is it this time? Another game show? Running for mayor? Opening a plushie-themed diner?"

"Better," Brenda said, her eyes gleaming. "We’re going to send plushies into space!"

John, munching on a bag of chips, nodded. "It’s genius. Plushies in zero gravity? That’s YouTube gold. Plus, aliens might collect plushies too."

"Aliens?" I repeated, already regretting my life choices.

Brenda waved a hand dismissively. "Aliens, astronauts, whoever. The point is, no one’s done it before. We’ll be pioneers!"

Step 1: Fundraising​

Of course, they didn’t have the funds to charter a rocket. Brenda decided to raise money by organizing a "Plushie Parade for Space." The parade featured Brenda in a homemade astronaut suit made of tin foil and duct tape, leading a procession of kids dressed as plushies. John followed behind in his plushie-covered car, which he’d dubbed the "Plushie Rover."

They charged $10 per person to march, and Brenda loudly promised, "Every dollar brings us closer to the stars!"

The parade was a disaster. Only six people showed up, and one of them was a guy dressed as a plushie shark who tried to steal John’s collection mid-parade.

Step 2: Partnering with SpaceX​

Undeterred, Brenda emailed SpaceX directly, addressing the email to Elon Musk himself. The subject line? "Collaboration Opportunity: Plushies in Space!"

Shockingly, she got a response—but not from Musk. A low-level PR intern politely informed Brenda that SpaceX wasn’t interested in sending plush toys into orbit. Brenda, naturally, took this as a personal insult.

"They’re just jealous of our vision," she huffed.

"Totally," John agreed, taping glow-in-the-dark stars to his plushie rocket.

Step 3: Building Their Own Rocket​

Rejected by SpaceX, Brenda and John decided to build their own rocket. They named it The Plushie Explorer.

Construction took place in Brenda’s backyard, where she and John duct-taped several garbage cans together, attached PVC pipes for "thrusters," and spray-painted the whole contraption silver.

When I stopped by to check on them, Brenda was strapping plushies into tiny "astronaut harnesses" inside the rocket.

"Does this… actually fly?" I asked, staring at the monstrosity.

Brenda scoffed. "Of course not. That’s why we’re going to launch it with fireworks."

"Fireworks?!"

"Big ones," John added, holding up a box labeled "Mega Ultra Blaster Rockets—Not Legal in Most States."

The "Launch"​

The launch was set for Saturday night at a local park. Brenda sent out flyers advertising it as "The First Plushie Space Mission," and a surprisingly large crowd gathered to watch.

As Brenda counted down dramatically, John lit the fuse on their "rocket."

"Three… two… one… LIFT-OFF!"

The rocket exploded on the ground, sending flaming plushie fragments flying in every direction. Kids screamed. Parents ran for cover. The fire department arrived within minutes.

Brenda, covered in soot but still determined, yelled to the crowd, "This is only a minor setback! The plushies will reach space, mark my words!"

Epilogue​

The "Plushies in Space" incident went viral, with footage of the disastrous launch becoming an internet sensation. Brenda and John became infamous as "those crazy plushie people," and the meme of John holding a burnt plushie while shrugging became an internet classic.

As for Brenda, she immediately started planning their next scheme: a plushie amusement park called Plushie Land, complete with a rollercoaster shaped like a stuffed snake.

And me? I just tried to avoid the fallout, though I had a sinking feeling I’d be roped into it eventually. After all, with Brenda and John, the chaos never truly ends.
 
Plushie Land: Dreams, Disasters, and a Dark Secret

Plushie Land: The Grand Vision​

“Picture it!” Brenda proclaimed, standing on her makeshift stage in the living room, which was really just a stack of old lasagna boxes. “A place where families come together, where the magic of plushies reigns supreme! Plushie Land—the happiest place on Earth!”

John, dressed in a T-shirt that read "King of Plushies" and sporting a foam crown, nodded eagerly. “We’ll have rides! A Ferris wheel shaped like a plushie cat! A water slide that looks like a giant stuffed octopus! And—wait for it—a plushie museum featuring my collection.”

I groaned. “You’re actually serious about this?”

Brenda shot me a look. “Dead serious. This isn’t just a dream. This is our destiny!” She waved a hand toward a poorly drawn blueprint of the park that was taped to the wall. Most of it was just pictures of plushies with names like Fluffy the Fox Ferris Wheel and Snuggle Bear Snack Shack.

“How are you going to pay for this?” I asked, knowing I’d regret the question.

Brenda grinned. “We’ve already got investors!”

“Who in their right mind would invest in this?”

“Well,” Brenda began, avoiding eye contact, “we kind of… maxed out a few credit cards. But it’s fine! Once the park opens, we’ll be rolling in cash!”

Catching Brenda in the Act​

A few days later, I stopped by their house to drop off some paperwork I owed Brenda (she’d somehow roped me into being Plushie Land’s “legal advisor”).

As I walked up to the house, I heard… noises. Strange noises.

I paused on the porch. It sounded like heavy breathing and muffled grunts. Concerned, I opened the door and stepped inside.

What I saw made me wish I’d stayed outside.

There was Brenda—on the living room floor—on top of a giant plushie panda. She froze when she saw me, her face turning crimson.

“WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING?!” I yelled, shielding my eyes.

Brenda scrambled to her feet, yanking the plushie up with her. “This isn’t what it looks like!”

“It looks like you were—”

“I WASN’T!” Brenda screamed, clutching the panda to her chest. “I—I was testing its durability! For the park! You know, to make sure it’s safe for the kids!”

“Durability?!” I said, incredulous.

“Yes! That’s all it was! You can’t prove otherwise!”

At that moment, John walked in, holding a bag of plushie-sized cowboy hats. “What’s going on?” he asked, looking between us.

“She was—” I began.

Brenda cut me off, pointing an accusatory finger at me. “HE was doing something weird with the plushies!”

John’s eyes narrowed. “Dude, what’s wrong with you?”

“What?!” I sputtered. “That’s not true! She’s lying!”

Brenda nodded furiously. “He’s always been jealous of our plushie empire, John. He’s trying to sabotage us!”

“Mom,” John said, shaking his head, “you’re right. This guy has bad vibes.”

“WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!” I shouted, but they were already ignoring me.

The Plushie Land Disaster​

Despite the awkward incident, Brenda and John forged ahead with their plans for Plushie Land. They rented an abandoned mini-golf course and started setting up attractions.

It was… a nightmare.

The Ferris wheel, which was literally just a repainted carnival ride, broke down during its test run. The plushie-themed snacks turned out to be inedible (Brenda’s attempt at “plushie-shaped lasagna bites” ended with three taste testers in the hospital). And the plushie museum? John insisted on displaying every single item from his collection, including the ones he’d clearly “customized” during his lonely nights.

When opening day finally came, only a handful of people showed up, mostly out of morbid curiosity.

Brenda tried to stay optimistic. “It’s a slow start, but once people see the magic of plushies, they’ll come flocking in!”

Then the Ferris wheel caught fire.

Epilogue​

By the end of the day, Plushie Land was shut down by the fire department, the health department, and some very angry parents who demanded refunds. Brenda and John sat on the curb outside, surrounded by smoke and deflated dreams.

“Well,” Brenda said, trying to muster a smile, “at least we tried.”

John patted her on the shoulder. “Yeah. And hey, I kept one of the plushie pandas from the museum. It’s in my room now. You know, for emotional support.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I’d seen the way Brenda looked at that panda. Some secrets are better left unsaid.

As for me, I walked away from the smoldering ruins of Plushie Land with one thought in my mind: I needed new friends.
 
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