I was perfectly fine with you not understanding my preference. All that I asked was that you accept it (despite not understanding it) and you flat out told me that you couldn't. You repeatedly said that it seemed "narrow minded" to you and peppered me with imagined hypotheticals to try to find common ground that you could accept. You even just admitted that you were "interrogating" me for an explanation that you could respect. That doesn't seem like being happy to leave it as a misunderstanding or that not being good enough for me. I know that you meant well, but how you came across is that you couldn't accept my preference unless I helped you to understand it, called it narrow minded, asked repeated hypothetical questions that I shouldn't have needed to answer to gain your respect and thought that you were doing me a favor.
I wasn't comparing the two disputes. I don't even really understand what you two are arguing about. I was just comparing you wondering why he can't accept your different value judgement with me wondering last week why you couldn't accept mine. That's all.
I should clarify that I'm happy to "agree to disagree", but I don't think I said that I'm happy to "accept your preference," which to be honest I'm still not totally sure what that specifically means. I can certainly "acknowledge" your preference as being what it is, though. I don't think you're lying about it, but if I actively don't understand it, what more can I say?
As for the comparison, I think the circumstances are meaningfully different.
I was wondering why he felt the need to leap to a presumptuous strawman when the difference in the specific value judgement in question seemed to be a pretty cut and dry explanation (sure seemed like we disagreed mainly on the value of minimalism). If he doesn't feel that it's cut and dry, then fair enough, that can be further disputed and clarified, although I'm not sure any point of confusion justifies throwing around baseless claims-- that seems unfair regardless, so I took exception to it.
You're wondering why I similarly feel the need to bring up hypotheticals and the possibility of an unflattering explanation instead of chalking it up to a difference in value judgment. My answer to that is:
(1) I don't feel that the preference in question IS a cut and dry value judgement-- it contains qualifiers that bring to mind potential contradictions and complications, and I don't agree that all value judgements should be automatically considered valid as a matter of preference (which seems to be what you're asking for),
(2) I don't feel that I'm actually asserting anything to begin with by bringing these thoughts up, let alone unfairly. Comments like "that comes across as a bit ignorant/narrowminded, doesn't it?" or "I cannot understand why you feel that way, aside from maybe nostalgia" seem like pretty non-committal, non-accusational thoughts that contain enough respectful caveats and qualifiers that they ideally should be considered harmless food for thought. You might associate negative connotations with them that can feel uncomfortable to entertain, and I apologize if you felt slighted, but ultimately, I do feel that that's fair discourse rather than something nasty. Again, you did something similar when trying to understand why I "cared so much about your opinion", by wondering out loud about my insecurity. I didn't like hearing that questioned, sure, but ultimately, I think it would be unreasonable of me to have a problem with you doing that (unless we had a bad history of pettiness/getting personal, maybe). It's certainly possible, you're not unfairly claiming it outright, it's not meant as an insult, and without a compelling explanation from me, who could blame you for merely entertaining that notion?
If I slipped up and outright CLAIMED that you were "probably" narrowminded (aka. actually calling you it rather than bringing up the thought/possibility), I can definitely apologize for that, as I agree that that would be egregiously out of line and would be wildly unfair of me. I tried to make an effort not to go that far, though, and that's where the line is for me.
I'm also not sure I understand why interrogation in hopes of respecting a position more is a bad thing. If it really really matters to you, I can TRY to refrain from that kind of talk in the future (I might subconsciously either way because you reacted this way), but it would be begrudgingly out of courtesy/sensitivity rather than a genuine belief that it's the right way to discuss things.