Mac and Charlie Kelly enter the NHL headquarters basement in distress...
Dude I am freaking out. The Golden Knights weren't supposed to do this well and they swept the Kings! They swept the Kings! An expansion team got a sweep in their first ever series! I mean the Jets only won their first series this year and the Blue Jackets still haven't won one! I thought it was a joke when Dennis bet on the Knights to win it all but now he's gonna be rich and buy us out of the bar! I am so stressed out!
You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about STRESS?!? Okay?!?
I've stumbled onto a major NHL conspiracy, Mac. How about that for stress? The NHL is a sham and the Golden Knight's "magical run" is a farce.
And I've got a paper trail to prove it! Check this out!
Jesus Christ, Charlie!
Can I talk about the expansion draft, Mac? I've been DYING to talk to you about the expansion draft all day. The league gives this joke of a desert franchise the most favorable rules ever and they just get free range to draft the league's best players and make a totally unfair superteam. And don't think the "firing" of Gerard Gallant was kosher either, are you kidding? The NHL forced Florida to fire Gallant and give the Knights Marchesseault and Smith. And that William Karlsson? Are you seriously trying to tell me the league isn't pumping that kid with performance enhancing drugs? Are you really gonna tell me that, Mac?
Uhhh.
And the reffing...ohhhh ho ho buddy the reffing. Let me tell ya.
I mean James Neal hits Connor Hellebuyck right in the face as the Knights are taking a shot and they ALLOWED the goal? With no penalty on the play? Erik Haula buttends Anze Kopitar right in the face and gets nothing for it? But they suspend Drew Doughty for a PLAYOFF game for that nothing hit?
And the refs NEVER call Vegas for ANYTHING, Mac. They had one of the lowest penalty counts in the entire league despite being one of the dirtiest teams to ever hit the ice. The league doesn't care that their Golden Boys are basically allowing Gallant to send out his gang of thugs, the..."Las Vegas Boulevard Bullies" if you will, to go out and basically murder people and get nothing for it.
And so I needed an explanation. I needed some clarity. So I decide to go to the boss himself and march my way down to Gary Bettman's office...
And I knock on his door and I say "Gaaaaaaaaryyyyy....Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrryyy. I gotta talk to you about the Golden Knights!" and he refuses to open the door, Mac. All I got was an email saying "trust the process and stop asking questions, Charlie."
I mean how can it be that this expansion team just...keeps...winning? How?!?
Mac...the league is fixing these playoffs so the Golden Knights will make history by winning the cup in their first year!
What do you think about that?
Okay Charlie, I'm gonna stop you right there. Not only did the Golden Knights beat the Kings fair and square on the back of terrific goaltending from Marc Andre Fleury, and great all around systems defense. But the Kings had 14 powerplays while the Knights only had 11! There is no conspiracy, Charlie!
And now they're probably gonna beat the Sharks, especially if Fleury can stay in god mode. I mean look at my vest! It's teal! I need the Sharks to win and I just don't know if they'll be able to man. I am having a full on panic attack!
All right, you know what, Taro, will you give this guy a cigarette? He's freaking out.
Who the hell are you talking to, Charlie?
You know? Taro Tsujimoto. Former Buffalo Sabres draft pick and the guy who's been bribing the refs for Bill Foley and George McPhee.
What are you talking about man? Taro Tsujimoto doesn't exist!
You don't see the, oh holy ****! Where the hell'd he...
...
You've lost your mind! You've lost your GODDAMN mind, Charlie!
Kane-Pavelski-Donskoi
Hertl-Couture-Boedker
Meier-Tierney-Labanc
Sorensen-Fehr-Karlsson
Martin-Burns
Vlasic-Braun
Dillon-Demelo
Jones
Marchessault Karlsson Smith
Tuch Haula Neal
Perron Eakin Carpenter
Nosek Bellemare Carrier
McNabb Schmidt
Theodore Engelland
Merrill Miller
Fleury
WHO WILL WIN???
Dude I am freaking out. The Golden Knights weren't supposed to do this well and they swept the Kings! They swept the Kings! An expansion team got a sweep in their first ever series! I mean the Jets only won their first series this year and the Blue Jackets still haven't won one! I thought it was a joke when Dennis bet on the Knights to win it all but now he's gonna be rich and buy us out of the bar! I am so stressed out!
You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about STRESS?!? Okay?!?
I've stumbled onto a major NHL conspiracy, Mac. How about that for stress? The NHL is a sham and the Golden Knight's "magical run" is a farce.
And I've got a paper trail to prove it! Check this out!
Jesus Christ, Charlie!
Can I talk about the expansion draft, Mac? I've been DYING to talk to you about the expansion draft all day. The league gives this joke of a desert franchise the most favorable rules ever and they just get free range to draft the league's best players and make a totally unfair superteam. And don't think the "firing" of Gerard Gallant was kosher either, are you kidding? The NHL forced Florida to fire Gallant and give the Knights Marchesseault and Smith. And that William Karlsson? Are you seriously trying to tell me the league isn't pumping that kid with performance enhancing drugs? Are you really gonna tell me that, Mac?
Uhhh.
And the reffing...ohhhh ho ho buddy the reffing. Let me tell ya.
I mean James Neal hits Connor Hellebuyck right in the face as the Knights are taking a shot and they ALLOWED the goal? With no penalty on the play? Erik Haula buttends Anze Kopitar right in the face and gets nothing for it? But they suspend Drew Doughty for a PLAYOFF game for that nothing hit?
And the refs NEVER call Vegas for ANYTHING, Mac. They had one of the lowest penalty counts in the entire league despite being one of the dirtiest teams to ever hit the ice. The league doesn't care that their Golden Boys are basically allowing Gallant to send out his gang of thugs, the..."Las Vegas Boulevard Bullies" if you will, to go out and basically murder people and get nothing for it.
And so I needed an explanation. I needed some clarity. So I decide to go to the boss himself and march my way down to Gary Bettman's office...
And I knock on his door and I say "Gaaaaaaaaryyyyy....Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrryyy. I gotta talk to you about the Golden Knights!" and he refuses to open the door, Mac. All I got was an email saying "trust the process and stop asking questions, Charlie."
I mean how can it be that this expansion team just...keeps...winning? How?!?
Mac...the league is fixing these playoffs so the Golden Knights will make history by winning the cup in their first year!
What do you think about that?
Okay Charlie, I'm gonna stop you right there. Not only did the Golden Knights beat the Kings fair and square on the back of terrific goaltending from Marc Andre Fleury, and great all around systems defense. But the Kings had 14 powerplays while the Knights only had 11! There is no conspiracy, Charlie!
And now they're probably gonna beat the Sharks, especially if Fleury can stay in god mode. I mean look at my vest! It's teal! I need the Sharks to win and I just don't know if they'll be able to man. I am having a full on panic attack!
All right, you know what, Taro, will you give this guy a cigarette? He's freaking out.
Who the hell are you talking to, Charlie?
You know? Taro Tsujimoto. Former Buffalo Sabres draft pick and the guy who's been bribing the refs for Bill Foley and George McPhee.
What are you talking about man? Taro Tsujimoto doesn't exist!
You don't see the, oh holy ****! Where the hell'd he...
...
You've lost your mind! You've lost your GODDAMN mind, Charlie!
Kane-Pavelski-Donskoi
Hertl-Couture-Boedker
Meier-Tierney-Labanc
Sorensen-Fehr-Karlsson
Martin-Burns
Vlasic-Braun
Dillon-Demelo
Jones
Marchessault Karlsson Smith
Tuch Haula Neal
Perron Eakin Carpenter
Nosek Bellemare Carrier
McNabb Schmidt
Theodore Engelland
Merrill Miller
Fleury
WHO WILL WIN???
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