Flat earth society has members all around the globe
Make me laugh boys
- Thread starter These Are The Days
- Start date
JMCx4
#HopeForHUTCH
A friend of mine called her doctor's office to schedule a checkup. The woman at the office said: "Your doctor's first opening is on April 12th." My friend checked her calendar & replied: "That can't be right. April 12th is a Sunday - it's Easter." To which the office worker replied, in a very serious tone: "No, ma'am, Easter is on a Monday this year."
HisIceness
This is Hurricanes Hockey
67 others
Registered User
When i was in college, A well known BJJ guy came to teach bjj/catch wrestling classes at the university gym. Me and this one girl were the only advanced people, so he kept pairing us up. He also had her roll almost exclusively with me because she was like 100 lbs and he only trusted me to roll real light and not use my weight/any strength
One day we were drilling a technique (forgot what it was) from when your opponent is in your guard but keeps his head pressed down. When I was on top, she kept pulling my head into her chest and was basically smothering my face into her titties. I got a raging boner and it was really awkward. I didn't know whether I should acknowledge it or what, but she acted like she didn't notice
Then he had us go into rolling, and I was still hard, but I tucked it into my waistband. The girl said she wanted to work on being on top in halfguard, and she went on top and kept (accidentally?) grinding her thigh into my crotch and making it worse for the whole time. I don't know if it was on purpose, but I would hate to roll with a gay guy who was going through the flood of emotions that i was going throug
HansonBro
Registered User
- May 3, 2006
- 4,943
- 3,460
Stylizer1
Teflon Don
Stylizer1
Teflon Don
Mantis
I am a doctah
HansonBro
Registered User
- May 3, 2006
- 4,943
- 3,460
ViktorBaeArvidsson
Greenville Swamp Rabbits fan lol
i was driving in my car going down i-4 and there was an advertisement for boardwalk burgers, which is like this little burger spot where like homeless people i guess just throw them on a grill or something and the sign said "come try the new boardwalk burgers" and i saw it out of the corner of my eyes and i was like boardwalk burgers, more like bored burgers, cause the those burgers look like they aren't having any fun.
cupcrazyman
Stupid Sexy Flanders
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Boy.” I call mine “Sex.”
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like to have one too.” When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, “Every room in the place is for sex.” I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too.”
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on T.V.” He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The judge said, “Me too.” Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, “Me too.”
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I said, “I’m looking for Sex.”
My case comes up Friday.
Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like to have one too.” When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, “Every room in the place is for sex.” I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too.”
One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said, “I had hoped to have Sex on T.V.” He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married.” The judge said, “Me too.” Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, “Me too.”
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, “What are you doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I said, “I’m looking for Sex.”
My case comes up Friday.
Legionnaire
Help On The Way
I am sad to say the Human Sacrifice Channel will suspend all live programming due to concerns of Covid19. Your dark cable provider will send you encrypted messages regarding refunds or whereabouts of your loved ones, depending on your subscription. Pass this on.... cough...
HockeyAddict
Registered User
JMCx4
#HopeForHUTCH
This COVID-19 related line is making its way around social media: "I used to cough to cover up my fart, but now I fart to cover up my cough."
buzzbee
nude hockey player
Slightly naughty, but...
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong sock this morning
Bones Malone
Owner - HF Boards
The Real JT
The percentage you’re paying is too high priced
Confession
I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.
Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
When the priest came in, I said to him,“Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
He replied, “You moron, you're on my side.”
I went into the confessional box after many years of being away from the Catholic Church.
Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there was a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses.
On the other wall was a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
When the priest came in, I said to him,“Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
He replied, “You moron, you're on my side.”
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