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Christ almighty it never ends.

I’ve done A LOT better personally in the nearly year since many of you joined forces to show me tremendous kindness. In the department of personal matters, I have the least debt ever and a slowly but surely climbing credit score, so thank you all. This is not THAT kind of post. Things are working out. Not exactly thriving over here, but doing pretty good.

I think most of you know that the new girlfriend got pregnant and L Dog is now unexpectedly expecting a daughter in July. That’s all been well and good - we have embraced it and been very good together and are happy, even though it was unplanned and far earlier than we ever even intended to discuss. This is the actual least of the problems, but mama to be was having a very difficult pregnancy to begin with (hyperemesis gravidarum, if anyone is familiar) and then caught flu/stomach bug, couldn’t keep a sip of water down, became dehydrated to the point of jaundice, had to be hospitalized for 3 days on an IV to rehydrate/get past the flu and that all sucked. Plus, while she makes good money, she’s a hair dresses so she doesn’t have benefits and we’re not married so she’s not on my benefits… thus we now have a hefty-ish bill.

But, that’s passed, she’s much better, things are good at home, work is good, blah, blah.

So of course, life has to come around carrying a big stick and f*** L Dog up. My youngest sister gave birth on the 19th and shortly after was passing out with a BP of 80/50. She was initially diagnosed with staph, but then a blood culture showed the antibiotics weren’t working and she was resistant so she was transferred to the infectious disease ward at UVA (she lives in Virginia). Now they’re saying they want to try a hysterectomy to remove all of the tissue that carries the infection because they’re not sure how to stop it from spreading. She hasn’t held her newborn yet.

Cool. That all sounds amazing. Parents have gone down to VA to be there, etc.

Well… what does my brother (second oldest of the four of us) do while the folks are out of town? Get into a severe domestic with his 22 year old girlfriend. She’s a moronic, narcissistic club scene party girl and he turns 34 this month. Well she went to the ER and decided to press charges. He is now being held on $5000 bail for felony assault with a deadly weapon. Since my dad is in VA focused on my sister, I’m dealing with my brother.

I’ve got one sibling who just gave birth on their death bed and the other facing a 5 year minimum prison sentence within the past 5 days. I’m having trouble coping. He’s my best friend. She’s my sister. I’ve been guzzling bourbon like it’s oxygen. I’m stressed. Theres more with the brother thing. I advised him. He ignored me. He f***ed up so bad. I’m mad at him, but scared for him. I’m frustrated. And drunk-ish.
 
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LokiDog said:
Christ almighty it never ends.

I’ve done A LOT better personally in the nearly year since many of you joined forces to show me tremendous kindness. In the department of personal matters, I have the least debt ever and a slowly but surely climbing credit score, so thank you all. This is not THAT kind of post. Things are working out. Not exactly thriving over here, but doing pretty good.

I think most of you know that the new girlfriend got pregnant and L Dog is now unexpectedly expecting a daughter in July. That’s all been well and good - we have embraced it and been very good together and are happy, even though it was unplanned and far earlier than we ever even intended to discuss. This is the actual least of the problems, but mama to be was having a very difficult pregnancy to begin with (hyperemesis gravidarum, if anyone is familiar) and then caught flu/stomach bug, couldn’t keep a sip of water down, became dehydrated to the point of jaundice, had to be hospitalized for 3 days on an IV to rehydrate/get past the flu and that all sucked. Plus, while she makes good money, she’s a hair dresses so she doesn’t have benefits and we’re not married so she’s not on my benefits… thus we now have a hefty-ish bill.

But, that’s passed, she’s much better, things are good at home, work is good, blah, blah.

So of course, life has to come around carrying a big stick and f*** L Dog up. My youngest sister gave birth on the 19th and shortly after was passing out with a BP of 80/50. She was initially diagnosed with staph, but then a blood culture showed the antibiotics weren’t working and she was resistant so she was transferred to the infectious disease ward at UVA (she lives in Virginia). Now they’re saying they want to try a hysterectomy to remove all of the tissue that carries the infection because they’re not sure how to stop it from spreading. She hasn’t held her newborn yet.

Cool. That all sounds amazing. Parents have gone down to VA to be there, etc.

Well… what does my brother (second oldest of the four of us) do while the folks are out of town? Get into a severe domestic with his 22 year old girlfriend. She’s a moronic, narcissistic club scene party girl and he turns 34 this month. Well she went to the ER and decided to press charges. He is now being held on $5000 bail for felony assault with a deadly weapon. Since my dad is in VA focused on my sister, I’m dealing with my brother.

I’ve gone one sibling who just gave birth on their death bed and the other facing a 5 year minimum prison sentence within the past 5 days. I’m having trouble coping. He’s my best friend. She’s my sister. I’ve been guzzling bourbon like it’s oxygen. I’m stressed. Theres more with the brother thing. I advised him. He ignored me. He f***ed up so bad. I’m mad at him, but scared for him. I’m frustrated. And drunk-ish.
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I didn't know about the girlfriend.....congrats my friend.
 
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LokiDog said:
Christ almighty it never ends.

I’ve done A LOT better personally in the nearly year since many of you joined forces to show me tremendous kindness. In the department of personal matters, I have the least debt ever and a slowly but surely climbing credit score, so thank you all. This is not THAT kind of post. Things are working out. Not exactly thriving over here, but doing pretty good.

I think most of you know that the new girlfriend got pregnant and L Dog is now unexpectedly expecting a daughter in July. That’s all been well and good - we have embraced it and been very good together and are happy, even though it was unplanned and far earlier than we ever even intended to discuss. This is the actual least of the problems, but mama to be was having a very difficult pregnancy to begin with (hyperemesis gravidarum, if anyone is familiar) and then caught flu/stomach bug, couldn’t keep a sip of water down, became dehydrated to the point of jaundice, had to be hospitalized for 3 days on an IV to rehydrate/get past the flu and that all sucked. Plus, while she makes good money, she’s a hair dresses so she doesn’t have benefits and we’re not married so she’s not on my benefits… thus we now have a hefty-ish bill.

But, that’s passed, she’s much better, things are good at home, work is good, blah, blah.

So of course, life has to come around carrying a big stick and f*** L Dog up. My youngest sister gave birth on the 19th and shortly after was passing out with a BP of 80/50. She was initially diagnosed with staph, but then a blood culture showed the antibiotics weren’t working and she was resistant so she was transferred to the infectious disease ward at UVA (she lives in Virginia). Now they’re saying they want to try a hysterectomy to remove all of the tissue that carries the infection because they’re not sure how to stop it from spreading. She hasn’t held her newborn yet.

Cool. That all sounds amazing. Parents have gone down to VA to be there, etc.

Well… what does my brother (second oldest of the four of us) do while the folks are out of town? Get into a severe domestic with his 22 year old girlfriend. She’s a moronic, narcissistic club scene party girl and he turns 34 this month. Well she went to the ER and decided to press charges. He is now being held on $5000 bail for felony assault with a deadly weapon. Since my dad is in VA focused on my sister, I’m dealing with my brother.

I’ve got one sibling who just gave birth on their death bed and the other facing a 5 year minimum prison sentence within the past 5 days. I’m having trouble coping. He’s my best friend. She’s my sister. I’ve been guzzling bourbon like it’s oxygen. I’m stressed. Theres more with the brother thing. I advised him. He ignored me. He f***ed up so bad. I’m mad at him, but scared for him. I’m frustrated. And drunk-ish.
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I'm very sincerely sorry to read about your family stuff. I understand how tough that must be on you. I don't mean to sound like a jerk but I think you probably should stop with the booze. I respect your honesty but you are smarter than this. You know the answers are not in the bottle. It will not make things better.
 
NickyFotiu said:
I'm very sincerely sorry to read about your family stuff. I understand how tough that must be on you. I don't mean to sound like a jerk but I think you probably should stop with the booze. I respect your honesty but you are smarter than this. You know the answers are not in the bottle. It will not make things better.
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I’m usually okay. I drink too often but I’m not often intoxicated. I just know I’m beating up my liver. This shit however has been stressful and I want to whoop his ass and I’m all the way across the country trying to help him while he ignores my advice (keeping in mind as former military police I dealt with more domestic cases than virtually anything else, so it’s professional advice) and it’s so stupidly frustrating that in between juggling phone calls from him, his friend, his lawyer, our dad, our other sister, our step mom who my dad opted to not share the charges with, so she came to me to find them out, the sheriffs department to get his bail posted, etc. I just said screw it I’m getting actually drunk last night. And I did. I made a steak and had a big ice cream sundae. It was nice lol
 
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LokiDog said:
I’m usually okay. I drink too often but I’m not often intoxicated. I just know I’m beating up my liver. This shit however has been stressful and I want to whoop his ass and I’m all the way across the country trying to help him while he ignores my advice (keeping in mind as former military police I dealt with more domestic cases than virtually anything else, so it’s professional advice) and it’s so stupidly frustrating that in between juggling phone calls from him, his friend, his lawyer, our dad, our other sister, our step mom who my dad opted to not share the charges with, so she came to me to find them out, the sheriffs department to get his bail posted, etc. I just said screw it I’m getting actually drunk last night. And I did. I made a steak and had a big ice cream sundae. It was nice lol
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Okay you know what you can handle via the booze. I did not mean sound harsh and felt bad after posting that. I just do not want you getting in to a bad place after you have improved your life.

I do understand your frustration. All you can do is give your best advice. You are not your brothers keeper so you can not force him to follow it even if it is great advice.

The steak and ice cream sounds like a good way to go. Glad you treated yourself in that manner. :)
 
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NickyFotiu said:
Okay you know what you can handle via the booze. I did not mean sound harsh and felt bad after posting that. I just do not want you getting in to a bad place after you have improved your life.

I do understand your frustration. All you can do is give your best advice. You are not your brothers keeper so you can not force him to follow it even if it is great advice.

The steak and ice cream sounds like a good way to go. Glad you treated yourself in that manner. :)
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Re: the alcohol - I drink too much. There’s no doubt, but it isn’t behavior or intoxication or bad decisions I worry about. It’s never been an issue. My tolerance is absurd - but that’s not a brag, it’s the problem. It’s long term health that has me worried when it comes to my relationship with alcohol. I am the best behaved heavy drinker you’ll ever meet. I may post some silly shit from time to time; that’s about the extent of my inebriated behavior, and that’s usually after I’ve had enough that most people wouldn’t be typing coherently.

I’ve been my brother’s keeper for a decade. That’s part of the problem. In 2016 I was deployed. Our step mom - a cancer survivor (our mother died of cancer as well) ended up in the hospital, as her cancer returned. My brother had been using heroin and while I was overseas and my father was at the hospital with his wife having surgery, my brother hit a car in a 711 parking lot and then panicked when the guy wanted to file a police report so locked himself in the 711 bathroom trying to do/flush as much of his supply as he could before the cops arrived. He ended up being handcuffed face down on a 711 bathroom floor and when he went to court he was given an option between jail and rehab. I got my first sergeant at the time to grant me 5 days emergency leave to fly home from the Middle East and drive my brother to rehab while my dad stayed in the hospital with his wife.

4 months later I returned to TX from my deployment. When my brother got out rehab my dad didn’t want him going back to his old habits in NY, so he went straight from rehab to my doorstep in TX. He lived with my wife (whom I’d just been apart from for 8 months) at the time and I for 8 months. I got him a job on base. When his constant presence in our house put a strain on our relationship, I found him a roommate among the younger airmen in my squadron and helped them get their own housing. Years later, I had separated - he was still working at the base, in the same job, but many promotions later and wanted to return to NY and pursue a better career. I got my boss at the time (when I was working in NYC) to interview him remotely. They offered him a job. He moved back to NY. Again he moved in with my wife and I, and our infant son, in Garfield, NJ. Eventually I moved back to TX. He still is working for the same company in the job I helped him get, again several promotions and years later.

Now my sister is extremely ill at the hospital in Virginia and once again my dad has other obligations and a reason to be at the hospital and my brother has found a way to f*** up his life and land himself in jail again. On top of not taking my advice, it feels like he has flushed the 9 years of progress since he went to rehab and I helped him get on his feet and build a resume and career and remain clean, entirely down the toilet. To say that I am angry is an understatement, but at the same time, he is my little brother and best friend and I don’t even get to BE angry because I also am being there for him and trying to keep him calm, because he’s terrified that he’s going to prison and his life is ruined and saying some very extreme things.

It’s a goddam mess. I’m exhausted. Focusing on work this week is a joke. And I’ve got a pregnant lady to take care of. It’s all just a shit storm. I’m so frustrated.
 
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LokiDog said:
I’ve been his keeper for a decade. That’s part of the problem. In 2016 I was deployed. Our step mom - a cancer survivor (our mother died of cancer as well) ended up in the hospital, as her cancer returned. My brother had been using heroin and while I was overseas and my father was at the hospital with his wife having surgery, my brother hit a car in a 711 parking lot and then panicked when the guy wanted to file a police report so locked himself in the 711 bathroom trying to do/flush as much of his supply as he could before the cops arrived. He ended up being handcuffed face down on a 711 bathroom floor and when he went to court he was given an option between jail and rehab. I got my first sergeant at the time to grant me 5 days emergency leave to fly home from the Middle East and drive my brother to rehab while my dad stayed in the hospital with his wife.

4 months later I returned to TX from my deployment. When my brother got out rehab my dad didn’t want him going back to his old habits in NY, so he went straight from rehab to my doorstep in TX. He loved with my wife at the time and I for 8 months. I got him a job on base. When his constant presence in our house put a strain on our relationship, I found him a roommate among the younger airmen in my squadron and helped them get their own housing. Years later, I had separated - he was still working at the base, in the same job, but many promotions later and wanted to return to NY and pursue a better career. I got my boss at the time (when I was working in NYC) to interview him remotely. They offered him a job. He moved back to NY. Again he moved in with my wife and I, and our infant son, in Garfield, NJ. I moved back to TX. He still is working for the same company in the job I helped him get.

Now my sister is extremely ill at the hospital in Virginia and once again my dad has other obligations and a reason to be at the hospital and my brother has found a way to f*** up his life and land himself in jail. On top of not taking my advice, it feels like he has flushed the 9 years of progress since he went to rehab and I helped him get on his feet and build a resume and career and remain clean, entirely down the toilet. To say that I am angry is an understatement, but at the same time, he is my little brother and best friend and I don’t even get to BE angry because I also am being there for him and trying to keep him calm, because he’s terrified that he’s going to prison and his life is ruined and saying some very extreme things.

It’s a goddam mess. I’m exhausted. Focusing on work this week is a joke. And I’ve got a pregnant lady to take care of. It’s all just a shit storm. I’m so frustrated.
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Geez that is a lot. But other than that all is good? (joke). :)

It is okay to have sympathy, empathy and also anger with your brother at the same time. I would if I was in your shoes. The frustration is 100% normal. I would be exasperated. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". You can try to lead your brother to a better life but at the end of the day he is an adult. His choices are his choices. It sounds like you have been there for him. If you emotionally take on his bad choices it may drag you down as well.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I hope she rebounds soon. Hopefully she has all the help she will need in the hospital.

Try not to take everything emotionally on your back. You have a child and another on the way. You have your girlfriend. That makes you a lucky man. Take care of them. Be there for your sister. In regards to your brother sometimes you can only do what you can do. Sadly he will have to clean up whatever situation he put himself in. You can not do that for him.
 
NickyFotiu said:
Geez that is a lot. But other than that all is good? (joke). :)

It is okay to have sympathy, empathy and also anger with your brother at the same time. I would if I was in your shoes. The frustration is 100% normal. I would be exasperated. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". You can try to lead your brother to a better life but at the end of the day he is an adult. His choices are his choices. It sounds like you have been there for him. If you emotionally take on his bad choices it may drag you down as well.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I hope she rebounds soon. Hopefully she has all the help she will need in the hospital.

Try not to take everything emotionally on your back. You have a child and another on the way. You have your girlfriend. That makes you a lucky man. Take care of them. Be there for your sister. In regards to your brother sometimes you can only do what you can do. Sadly he will have to clean up whatever situation he put himself in. You can not do that for him.
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I get all of that, and it’s nice to hear it from others sometimes. It’s probably why I vent here, where there is relative anonymity. This is what I’ve done my whole life; I take on everything for everyone. My dad calls me and asks me to call my brother’s lawyer, whose number my dad has, rather than doing it himself. I’ve been everyone’s pack mule for as long as I can remember. I remember everything, keep tabs and track of everyone and everything, as the oldest sibling I’m there for all of their trials and problems. I don’t know why that’s the dynamic. It just is. My dad is financially very successful and emotionally/personally struggles with being a mentor and leader and things like that. My step mom is a 67 year old two time cancer survivor. She’s not gonna shoulder everyone’s burdens. It’s just been this way. I know I don’t have to OWN their problems, but I just end up being the one who gets to hold them for everyone else. While also somehow being the black sheep because I have lots of tattoos and went the military route when everyone else went the corporate route. It’s a pastels and boat shoes family and I’m a leather jacket and boots guy. I’m the problem fixer, but nobodies favorite. It’s weird.

There’s the other 3 and there’s me; I look like the one whose supposed to have been to rehab and prison, I guess:


IMG_1118.jpeg

IMG_1125.jpeg


Anyway, done with the rant. Felt good to get it off my chest!
 
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LokiDog said:
I get all of that, and it’s nice to hear it from others sometimes. It’s probably why I vent here, where there is relative anonymity. This is what I’ve done my whole life; I take on everything for everyone. My dad calls me and asks me to call my brother’s lawyer, whose number my dad has, rather than doing it himself. I’ve been everyone’s pack mule for as long as I can remember. I remember everything, keep tabs and track of everyone and everything, as the oldest sibling I’m there for all of their trials and problems. I don’t know why that’s the dynamic. It just is. My dad is financially very successful and emotionally/personally struggles with being a mentor and leader and things like that. My step mom is a 67 year old two time cancer survivor. She’s not gonna shoulder everyone’s burdens. It’s just been this way. I know I don’t have to OWN their problems, but I just end up being the one who gets to hold them for everyone else. While also somehow being the black sheep because I have lots of tattoos and went the military route when everyone else went the corporate route. It’s a pastels and boat shoes family and I’m a leather jacket and boots guy. I’m the problem fixer, but nobodies favorite. It’s weird.

There’s the other 3 and there’s me; I look like the one whose supposed to have been to rehab and prison, I guess:


View attachment 1003871
View attachment 1003869

Anyway, done with the rant. Felt good to get it off my chest!
Click to expand...

You have a very nice looking family! I wish I had more family.

Rant away any time. That is why we are here. :)
 
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