Sentinel
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𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐬 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐠 (2022). An OK flick about a girl that grew up and lives all by herself in a house on a swamp in North Carolina. A mix of romance and courtroom drama that is cute but strains all credibility. An alleged female Candid from the wilderness who doesn’t have a proverbial pot to piss in has beautiful dresses, immaculate face and hair, and carries herself with grace that would make Audrey Hepburn (post-Professor Higgins treatment) proud! She also has a lifetime supply of gasoline for her boat, a natural eye for natural beauty, and some serious artistic abilities. Needless to say, boys trip over themselves to fall for her (once – from a great height). She is perpetually wronged by the world, from her terrible parents to the said boys, and the only people who do not hurt her in some way are the black local haberdashery owners. One of the said boys ends up dead, and she is accused of murder (even though the case against her is paper thin and would probably be thrown out without a trial). Another “strong and independent woman against the world of men” but with enough romance to please both sexes. Not a total waste of time if you have nothing else to do with your SO but not the best usage of your remote control either. Critics rating – 35%. Audience rating – 96%. Make of it what you want. 6/10
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𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐧 (2022). Excess and depravity of 1920s Hollywood are portrayed with excessive depravity. The first half of this movie is gross, the second half is boring. With two bona fide superstars (Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie), it was truly a Herculean task to make a film so indigestible and lame, and these two legends must still be wondering how did they end up in this mess. Director Damienne Chazelle tries hard to be Frederico Fellini, Baz Luhrmann, and Quentin Tarantino all at once but lacks Luhrmann’s coherence and vision, Tarantino’s storytelling and cleverness, and Fellini’s talent. Defecation, vomiting, golden showers – this movie has it all… in the beginning, until the director actually remembers that he has a movie to make. And then he makes it dull. Horrible dialogue completes the picture (“You don’t become a star, baby! You’re born a star!”). Given that Chazelle has two exceptional films in his filmography – 𝐋𝐚 𝐋𝐚 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐝 and 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡 – this catastrophe is pretty inexplicable. I guess he was due for a dud. 2/10
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𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐋𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 (1999). Another overlooked late 90s Woody Allen movie but, unlike 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 and 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲, it’s best stayed overlooked. Not often Woody Allen protagonists are as utterly unlikeable and downright detestable as the self-proclaimed “world’s second best guitarist” Emmet Ray (luckily, not played by Allen, but by Sean Penn). There is literally nothing about him I could admire or even relate to. Even the villains in 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 and 𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐩 are more attractive and sympathetic than this obnoxious jerk, and even Penn, a master of portraying complex personalities, cannot redeem him. His final epiphany about his wasted life left me completely cold. In fact, the only sympathetic character here is his first real love, a mute laundry girl Hattie (Samantha Morton, who is so adorable here, no wonder Steven Spielberg noticed her and cast her as another oddity in 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭). Allen’s mandatory psychoanalysis takes the shape of Uma Thurman in her prime but she is categorically miscast. But the worst sin of all: this movie is boring. Aside from a couple of cute vignettes (mainly – the gas station holdup), there is nothing remarkable here, and, frankly, I couldn’t wait for it to end. 4/10
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𝐁𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐧 (2022). Excess and depravity of 1920s Hollywood are portrayed with excessive depravity. The first half of this movie is gross, the second half is boring. With two bona fide superstars (Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie), it was truly a Herculean task to make a film so indigestible and lame, and these two legends must still be wondering how did they end up in this mess. Director Damienne Chazelle tries hard to be Frederico Fellini, Baz Luhrmann, and Quentin Tarantino all at once but lacks Luhrmann’s coherence and vision, Tarantino’s storytelling and cleverness, and Fellini’s talent. Defecation, vomiting, golden showers – this movie has it all… in the beginning, until the director actually remembers that he has a movie to make. And then he makes it dull. Horrible dialogue completes the picture (“You don’t become a star, baby! You’re born a star!”). Given that Chazelle has two exceptional films in his filmography – 𝐋𝐚 𝐋𝐚 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐝 and 𝐖𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡 – this catastrophe is pretty inexplicable. I guess he was due for a dud. 2/10
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𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐋𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 (1999). Another overlooked late 90s Woody Allen movie but, unlike 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 and 𝐂𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲, it’s best stayed overlooked. Not often Woody Allen protagonists are as utterly unlikeable and downright detestable as the self-proclaimed “world’s second best guitarist” Emmet Ray (luckily, not played by Allen, but by Sean Penn). There is literally nothing about him I could admire or even relate to. Even the villains in 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 and 𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐩 are more attractive and sympathetic than this obnoxious jerk, and even Penn, a master of portraying complex personalities, cannot redeem him. His final epiphany about his wasted life left me completely cold. In fact, the only sympathetic character here is his first real love, a mute laundry girl Hattie (Samantha Morton, who is so adorable here, no wonder Steven Spielberg noticed her and cast her as another oddity in 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭). Allen’s mandatory psychoanalysis takes the shape of Uma Thurman in her prime but she is categorically miscast. But the worst sin of all: this movie is boring. Aside from a couple of cute vignettes (mainly – the gas station holdup), there is nothing remarkable here, and, frankly, I couldn’t wait for it to end. 4/10
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