Confirmed with Link: I like you guys

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I just realized, I have a lot of ****posting to do to get back over 50K. :(

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Like this?
 
Last time it was Friday the 13th was I think January. I had a terrible toothache and I was on the way to the dentist for what eventually turned out to be a root canal. I was almost there when an old man pulled out in front of me onto the highway and I rear-ended him going 40 mph. I stood around in the cold and rain for over an hour, in agonizing pain mind you, waiting for my wife to come pick me up after the tow truck hauled off my poor totalled car. She took me to the dentist, I got some pain meds and a bottle of bourbon on the way home and went to bed. Woke up 3-4 hours later to find my iPad underneath my butt, with the screen shattered into a bajillion pieces. Later that night we had a big storm which blew about half the roof off the house. I don't **** around with Friday the 13th anymore, I ain't leaving the house today.
 
Last time it was Friday the 13th was I think January. I had a terrible toothache and I was on the way to the dentist for what eventually turned out to be a root canal. I was almost there when an old man pulled out in front of me onto the highway and I rear-ended him going 40 mph. I stood around in the cold and rain for over an hour, in agonizing pain mind you, waiting for my wife to come pick me up after the tow truck hauled off my poor totalled car. She took me to the dentist, I got some pain meds and a bottle of bourbon on the way home and went to bed. Woke up 3-4 hours later to find my iPad underneath my butt, with the screen shattered into a bajillion pieces. Later that night we had a big storm which blew about half the roof off the house. I don't **** around with Friday the 13th anymore, I ain't leaving the house today.

So, let's unpack this and go back to the ipad part...
 
Last time it was Friday the 13th was I think January. I had a terrible toothache and I was on the way to the dentist for what eventually turned out to be a root canal. I was almost there when an old man pulled out in front of me onto the highway and I rear-ended him going 40 mph. I stood around in the cold and rain for over an hour, in agonizing pain mind you, waiting for my wife to come pick me up after the tow truck hauled off my poor totalled car. She took me to the dentist, I got some pain meds and a bottle of bourbon on the way home and went to bed. Woke up 3-4 hours later to find my iPad underneath my butt, with the screen shattered into a bajillion pieces. Later that night we had a big storm which blew about half the roof off the house. I don't **** around with Friday the 13th anymore, I ain't leaving the house today.

On the other hand, bourbon and pain meds...

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