HFWF: The Reboot X

[KIRK]

I am going to wreck the ghost of Lil’ Conner.

Vince Russo (@THEVinceRusso)
And best of all, you're gonna dine of fish sticks and endless Red Lobster cheddar bay biscuits while standing over his rotting corpse . . .

 

[KIRK]

Guys... we just reached a whole new level.

The @Clare2904 stuff on Tuesday and the crash yesterday.

That's such good ****

Perhaps, but I know if we all try really hard, we can reach another low by the weekend.

 

[M.C.G. 31]

Y’all just wait and see what’s coming next.

 

[KIRK]

Coast Guard @CoastGuardOfTheWorld
It has been 8 hours. It is chaos here. There’s no sign of @Disclose and @KIRK and GUADALUPE seems to have gained at least 500 pounds. She’s looking like a puffer fish.

Coast Guard @CoastGuardOfTheWorld
@Falco Lombardi competed in a 3-on-1 handicap match against a few North Sentinelese people. It was looking bleak for him, but @SeidoN saved Falco with the leg of Herman SheamusFan. So... yeah. Herman’s dead.

Coast Guard @CoastGuardOfTheWorld
The HFWF talent that have survived so far have gathered on a secluded, small island. Confirmed deaths are @Cor, @Brudda, Herman SheamusFan and @Fro. I honestly have no idea how GUADALUPE is still alive.

Coast Guard @CoastGuardOfTheWorld
Oh yeah, @jbell886 is dead too. I saw @Mitchy and @SeidoN playing volleyball with his head. Also, @Serac is still arguing with the mermaid, and the mermaid actually whacked Serac upside the head with her... err, fin? Tail?

Vince Russo (@THEVinceRusso)
What the **** are you talking about, @M.C.G. 31? GUADALUPE looked like a puffer fish before the plane crash. Now, she looks like ******* Shamu.

Vince Russo (@THEVinceRusso)
Actually, strike that. GUADALUPE is bigger than Shamu.

 

[M.C.G. 31]

HFWF @HFWF
EXCLUSIVE DRONE FOOTAGE:

After everyone is still in shock and it looks like there’s going to be a riot on the island, a drone flies over with a championship belt.

THE DRONE DROPS THE 24/7 INTERNET LIGHTWEIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE ISLAND! Everyone pauses... AND THEY JUMP FOR IT! ITS A WAR!

To be continued...

 

[KIRK]

Oh great, I'm jungle boy now

Oh quit your ******* crying. At least you haven't been absorbed by ******* GUADALUPE.

 

[KIRK]

Lets get @ColePens thoughts on @KIRK being trapped on a deserted island

- holds microphone to @UnrealMachine ’s stomach -

No response. Guess he never loved KIRK after all.

 

[KIRK]

HFWF @HFWF
Exclusive drone footage is showing all the stranded HFWF talent gather around the body of GUADALUPE. @Disclose and @KIRK have begun their emergence. @Serac has been brought to land on the back of the mermaid, with Herman’s nose in his mouth. It’s being said the pilot of the flight is ALIVE and will reveal himself. The talent have no idea who it is, but will soon find out. We’ll have more as it becomes available.

HFWF Drone (@WhatTheHellIsThat)
Here's new footage of @Disclose emerging from GUADALUPE . . . #Wow #UglyGreaseBall

 

[M.C.G. 31]

HFWF @HFWF
EXCLUSIVE DRONE FOOTAGE:

After everyone is still in shock and it looks like there’s going to be a riot on the island, a drone flies over with a championship belt.

THE DRONE DROPS THE 24/7 INTERNET LIGHTWEIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE ISLAND! Everyone pauses... AND THEY JUMP FOR IT! ITS A WAR!

To be continued...

Didn’t realize it was going to a new page...

 

[KIRK]

SENTINEL ISLAND
STILL INSIDE GUADALUPE's ASS

we need to get out of here or they'll never find us @KIRK.
KIRK: they asked for a Flare signal! Theyre coming!
good. lets go...
*KIRK pulls out Flare Gun*
wait what are you doing?? dont do it inside Guadalu--!!!

(the more ****** up this thread becomes, the more entertaining @Disclose is . . . coincidence?)

 

[Falco Lombardi]

LLRR NHL tournament still gonna happen but I put it off a bit just because we’ve got plenty going on as it is

 

[M.C.G. 31]

LLRR NHL tournament still gonna happen but I put it off a bit just because we’ve got plenty going on as it is

GRAB THE BRASS RING KID! GRAB THAT 24/7 INTERNET LIGHTWEIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT BELT

 

[M.C.G. 31]

UPDATE: The Sentinels have spotted a shiny gold thing drop from the sky! They are leaving their island for the first time ever with spears!

 

[KIRK]

YOUTUBE EXCLUSIVE

Everyone gathers around the body of GUADALUPE patiently waiting for the reveal of the pilot that caused this.

@Falco Lombardi takes charge for a roll call to make sure everyone is present. @Disclose looks disgusting as he’s trying to pull @KIRK out. KIRK gets out, but throws a fit because GUADALUPE’S intestine ate his shoe. He kicks GUADALUPE, calling her a fat pig and starts beating her with his other shoe as Disclose calms him down.

@SeidoN, @Serac & his mermaid friend, @Mitchy, @KIRK, @Disclose, GUADALUPE are present. Falco salutes the dead body of his friend, @Cor and then looks to the sea as the waves start spelling out “**** EM” surely a message from @Emperoreddy in hell. The clouds take shape of all the titles in HFWF, a reminder from @Fro that he’s still the best - even in death. Falco asks if this confirms that @jbell886 is dead, but his monstrous head rolls into the gathering, and he’s somehow still alive. Jbell suggests putting his head on the torso of Herman that Falco used to float over to the island on, but it’s revealed that GUADALUPE is eating the body.

Falco yells out for the pilot to show himself. No response. Disclose says the pilot is dead and soon they’ll all be dead too, but KIRK tells them to look at GUADALUPE and realize that they can feast on her and survive for at least a year. Disclose almost punches KIRK, but suddenly realizes someone off in the distance using a piece of the plane debris to float over to land, using another, small piece to paddle towards the island.

The figure gets closer...

And closer...

And closer...

The figure reveals himself.

























IT’S STASH THE MONKEY!!!!!

The crowd of talent are shocked as he reveals himself. He stays far away from land, but enough to communicate. Disclose starts talking in a weird language, unknown to anyone else, and Stash starts responding. They communicate with each other as everyone is confused.

KIRK jumps into the water and says he’s going to kill Stash, but KIRK can’t swim and starts to drown, but Serac’s mermaid friend saves KIRK but puts him back on the island.

WHY?

Stash rants in monkey language, and then starts shooting flares at the people on the island, missing everyone, but burning GUADALUPE’S FOOT OFF! Stash throws coconuts on the island instead and hits Serac in the head. The mermaid checks on him, and in his delirious stage, calls her Cathy, causing the mermaid to slap Serac and embrace Mitchy!

Stash flips off everyone on the island.

Suddenly, a HELICOPTER descends down and throws a ladder down for Stash to climb up on. Everyone wants the helicopter to save them, but the camera shows that it’s a RUSSIAN MILITARY HELICOPTER! Stash enters the helicopter, and footage from inside shows him communicating with the Russians in Russian. They put a hat on Stash that says “Russian spy” and fly away, leaving the HFWF talent still stranded.

Non-kayfabe, I literally laughed so hard reading this that I couldn't catch my breath for about 10 seconds (true) and that my dog thought I was on drugs (no comment).

No ****, I think to the things you've written, the Tenants/PWC craziness, and truth be told, this YOUTUBE EXCLUSIVE tops all of it combined.

 

[KIRK]

*everyone stares at Disclose as Stash leaves the island with the Russians*
Falco: WHAT... THE ****... WAS THAT?!?!
Disclose: я не знаю

Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump)
This so-called YOUTUBE exclusive allegedly showing STASH colluding with Russians is FAKE NEWS! No collusion! No obstruction! #OrangeManAndSTASHGood #BuildTheWall #DeportDisclose

 

[SeidoN]

there is no drug strong enough to explain this thread

 

[M.C.G. 31]

UPDATE: @KIRK HAS RETRIEVED THE 24/7 INTERNET LIGHTWEIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! HE IS THE FIRST CHAMPION!

He is currently using GUADALUPE’S charred foot to protect himself from the other talents!

 

[M.C.G. 31]

UPDATE: @SeidoN ROLLS UP @KIRK BUT @jbell886 ’s DETACHED HEAD LAUNCHES HIMSELF AT SEIDON TO BREAK IT UP! Everyone is fighting and throwing coconuts at each other, allowing KIRK TO USE GUADALUPE’S ASS AS A TRAMPOLINE TO HIDE OUT ON TOP OF A TREE! KIRK cuts promos on everyone down below as he clutches the 24/7 Internet Lightweight Heavyweight Championship to his chest.

 

[KIRK]

UPDATE: @KIRK HAS RETRIEVED THE 24/7 INTERNET LIGHTWEIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! HE IS THE FIRST CHAMPION!

He is currently using GUADALUPE’S charred foot to protect himself from the other talents!

Delete . . . I liked your version of events better.

 

[M.C.G. 31]

Full disclosure: I am on no drugs.

 

[KIRK]

Full disclosure: I am on no drugs.

 

[KIRK]

UPDATE: @SeidoN ROLLS UP @KIRK BUT @jbell886 ’s DETACHED HEAD LAUNCHES HIMSELF AT SEIDON TO BREAK IT UP! Everyone is fighting and throwing coconuts at each other, allowing KIRK TO USE GUADALUPE’S ASS AS A TRAMPOLINE TO HIDE OUT ON TOP OF A TREE! KIRK cuts promos on everyone down below as he clutches the 24/7 Internet Lightweight Heavyweight Championship to his chest.

Vince Russo (@THEVinceRusso)
KIRK = Champ. @ColePens = Not Champ. How funny is this ****.

 

[M.C.G. 31]

UPDATE: it is now nighttime. The Senintels have not made arrival to land yet as the HFWF talent are still unsuspecting. People are gathering around the tree and eating coconuts, rubbing it in @KIRK ’s face that he can’t eat up there. KIRK rubs it in @Mitchy ’s face that he won a championship before Mitchy did.

A helicopter suddenly is heard and is shining a light on the island. It’s revealed to be a @ColePens Enterprise helicopter! KIRK is elated, and the other HFWF talent are ready to be saved.

But WAIT! The helicopter is over the tree... AND A LADDER IS THROWN DOWN FOR KIRK ONLY! KIRK is so happy as the other talent below are pissed and throwing coconuts at the helicopter.

KIRK shouts at everyone down below, insulting everyone: @Disclose, Mitchy, @Serac, @SeidoN, the mermaid, GUADALUPE, @Falco Lombardi, @Cor ’s dead body, and @jbell886 ’s head! KIRK grabs onto the ladder with one hand, using the other hand to hold the championship belt, when suddenly, @Scandale du Jour POKES HIS HEAD OUT FROM THE OPENING!

“HELLO, KIRK” shouts Scandale, as @Clare2904 is revealed to be the helicopter pilot! SCANDALE PUSHES KIRK OFF THE LADDER AND DOWN TO THE SAND BELOW! THE HELICOPTER FLIES AWAY, and KIRK stares at everyone else on the island realizing the grave mistake he’s made...

To be continued...

 

[Disclose]

STENTINEL ISLAND

everyones is surrounding KIRK's tree and the 24/7ILWHW belt as spears are flying.
Disclose: dammit you idiot. we were supposed to be discrete here and wait for help. first you blow up Guadalupe and now you pick up gold as our life in danger....

*disclose looks at his KOW briefcase*
no. not worth it. we'll get out of here dude. no more distractions!

*Snap the turtle appears and starts chewing down the tree*
Disclose: we're going down KIRK. how fast can you run????

 

[M.C.G. 31]

@BonMorrison ’s dream state:

After a long, emotional session in rehab today, Bon finally gets some rest and relaxation. He slumps on the bed and ponders how he could have been on the plane if he weren’t in rehab, and how he could have died. He corrects himself, saying he wouldn’t have told the maintenance guys to do the thing he said to do if he were though... Bon snaps out of it, saying to himself that he’s a kind, generous, innocent soul and his soft drug use is not the cause for the deaths of all those people. He’s not a psycho killer.

Bon lays back to go to sleep, but sees the shadow of a person in the moonlight by the window. He thinks to himself, “did I forget to deflate the doll?”

He gets up and turns on the lights, and @Paris in Flames GHOST IS THERE!

“Hello, Bon!” Paris belts out as Bon screams! Paris charges and starts hitting Bon with an airplane engine propellor. Bon is cowering in the corner, yelling “I DON’T WANT IT!” repeatedly.

Suddenly, Bon is awaken from a deep sleep by rehab counsellors. Bon sits up, breathing heavily, crying, sweating after the night terror. The counsellors tell Bon he was screaming in his sleep and was talking about a doll that he called “#TheGirl”. They tell him he was also hitting himself, and that he needs to be moved over so he’s under their watchful eye at all times.

Someone walks in with a straight jacket for Bon. Bon stares at the jacket and is refusing. He looks up to see PARIS IN FLAMES is the one holding it. Bon screams again and starts crying, as the counsellors look at the man holding the straight jacket, who’s really an older lady. Bon hides under his blankets as the counsellors call for security to get the straight jacket on him.

One of the counsellors mutters, “soft drugs my ass” to close the scene.