SoupNazi
Global Moderator
- Feb 6, 2010
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GDT: John Price Goes to Hollywood
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John Price
pro gambler/drinker
- Sep 19, 2008
- 388,936
- 32,123
End of Line
Sic Semper Tyrannis
- Mar 20, 2009
- 29,341
- 6,981
He’s going to make it big I tell ya!
SoupNazi
Global Moderator
- Feb 6, 2010
- 27,688
- 18,669
I like this one better.
John Price’s Hollywood Adventure: Elton, Arrests, and Dodger Drama
@John Price, the undisputed champion of HFBoards’ Useless Thread and proud collector of over 250 plushies, had decided it was time for a vacation. His destination? Hollywood—a place where his quirky charm and vast collection of stuffed animals were sure to make him a star. He stuffed his suitcase with his favorite plush companions, including Snuggles the dog, packed a selfie stick, and set out to conquer Tinseltown.
As fate would have it, John spotted none other than Elton John himself stepping out of a nearby café. Clad in a glittery jacket and his signature oversized sunglasses, Elton was surrounded by bodyguards. John froze, then gasped.
“This is my moment,” he whispered to Snuggles.
With the confidence of a man who had posted 386,000 times on a hockey forum, John approached. “Sir Elton,” he said, holding Snuggles aloft, “would you be willing to lend your iconic glasses? Snuggles here is a huge fan.”
Elton gave him a polite smile, the kind that says, Please go away. “I’m afraid that’s not possible, mate.”
But John was undeterred. As Elton turned to leave, John’s instincts kicked in, and he lunged for the glasses. “Snuggles NEEDS them!” he cried.
Within seconds, Elton’s bodyguards tackled John to the ground. “It’s for art!” John yelled as he was handcuffed by LAPD. Snuggles stared blankly from the sidewalk, unimpressed.
Hours later, John was released with a warning. The sunglasses, sadly, remained Elton’s property.
“Here we go, Snuggles,” he whispered, propping the stuffed dog up on the bar next to him. “Time to show her what we’re made of.”
He slid over casually. “Hey there,” he began, flashing what he believed to be a winning smile. “Did you know I’m kind of a big deal online? 386,000 posts on HFBoards. That’s, like, more than most people will write in their entire lives.”
The woman blinked. “What’s HFBoards? Is that… a dating app?”
“No, it’s the premier hockey discussion forum on the internet. I practically run the Useless Thread. You’d love it.”
She squinted at Snuggles. “Why… do you have a stuffed dog at a bar?”
John chuckled, leaning in. “This isn’t just any stuffed dog. This is Snuggles. He’s been to more hockey games than most people. Actually, I’m getting Shohei Ohtani to sign him tomorrow at Dodger Stadium.”
The woman nodded slowly, finished her drink, and muttered, “Well, good luck with that.” She then turned to the bartender. “Can I close my tab?”
Defeated, John looked down at Snuggles. “You’re right, buddy. She wasn’t ready for our vibe.”
As Ohtani took the field, John stood up and shouted, “SHOHEI! BIG FAN! SIGN SNUGGLES!”
Unsurprisingly, Shohei did not respond.
John realized drastic action was needed. Clutching Snuggles, he leapt over the railing and sprinted onto the field, dodging security like a man possessed. “IT’S FOR SNUGGLES!” he cried as he weaved past second base.
The crowd roared—though not in support—while Shohei stood frozen, unsure whether to laugh or run. John reached the pitcher’s mound, Sharpie in one hand and Snuggles in the other, before being tackled by three security guards.
As he was dragged off the field, John yelled, “IT’S FOR THE ULTIMATE COLLECTIBLE! HFBOARDS WILL LOVE THIS!”
He logged onto HFBoards and typed a new post in the Useless Thread:
“Hollywood is a scam. Elton John’s security team is aggressive, women at bars don’t appreciate hockey forums, and Dodger Stadium has no chill. But Snuggles and I regret nothing.”
Within minutes, replies poured in:
The End.
John Price’s Hollywood Adventure: Elton, Arrests, and Dodger Drama
@John Price, the undisputed champion of HFBoards’ Useless Thread and proud collector of over 250 plushies, had decided it was time for a vacation. His destination? Hollywood—a place where his quirky charm and vast collection of stuffed animals were sure to make him a star. He stuffed his suitcase with his favorite plush companions, including Snuggles the dog, packed a selfie stick, and set out to conquer Tinseltown.
Act I: Elton, Sunglasses, and Security
John’s first stop was the Hollywood Walk of Fame, where he proudly posed with Snuggles in front of Elton John’s star. “Look, Snuggles,” he said, “Sir Elton is a man of class. Those glasses of his would look AMAZING on you.”As fate would have it, John spotted none other than Elton John himself stepping out of a nearby café. Clad in a glittery jacket and his signature oversized sunglasses, Elton was surrounded by bodyguards. John froze, then gasped.
“This is my moment,” he whispered to Snuggles.
With the confidence of a man who had posted 386,000 times on a hockey forum, John approached. “Sir Elton,” he said, holding Snuggles aloft, “would you be willing to lend your iconic glasses? Snuggles here is a huge fan.”
Elton gave him a polite smile, the kind that says, Please go away. “I’m afraid that’s not possible, mate.”
But John was undeterred. As Elton turned to leave, John’s instincts kicked in, and he lunged for the glasses. “Snuggles NEEDS them!” he cried.
Within seconds, Elton’s bodyguards tackled John to the ground. “It’s for art!” John yelled as he was handcuffed by LAPD. Snuggles stared blankly from the sidewalk, unimpressed.
Hours later, John was released with a warning. The sunglasses, sadly, remained Elton’s property.
Act II: Striking Out at the Bar
Still nursing his pride (and some bruises from Elton’s security team), John decided he needed a drink. He wandered into a trendy Hollywood bar, where he spotted an elegant woman sipping a cosmopolitan.“Here we go, Snuggles,” he whispered, propping the stuffed dog up on the bar next to him. “Time to show her what we’re made of.”
He slid over casually. “Hey there,” he began, flashing what he believed to be a winning smile. “Did you know I’m kind of a big deal online? 386,000 posts on HFBoards. That’s, like, more than most people will write in their entire lives.”
The woman blinked. “What’s HFBoards? Is that… a dating app?”
“No, it’s the premier hockey discussion forum on the internet. I practically run the Useless Thread. You’d love it.”
She squinted at Snuggles. “Why… do you have a stuffed dog at a bar?”
John chuckled, leaning in. “This isn’t just any stuffed dog. This is Snuggles. He’s been to more hockey games than most people. Actually, I’m getting Shohei Ohtani to sign him tomorrow at Dodger Stadium.”
The woman nodded slowly, finished her drink, and muttered, “Well, good luck with that.” She then turned to the bartender. “Can I close my tab?”
Defeated, John looked down at Snuggles. “You’re right, buddy. She wasn’t ready for our vibe.”
Act III: The Dodger Stadium Incident
Determined to redeem himself, John headed to Dodger Stadium the next day with one mission: get Shohei Ohtani to sign Snuggles. Armed with a Sharpie and fueled by the belief that no one could resist a grown man and his plush dog, John took his seat near the third baseline.As Ohtani took the field, John stood up and shouted, “SHOHEI! BIG FAN! SIGN SNUGGLES!”
Unsurprisingly, Shohei did not respond.
John realized drastic action was needed. Clutching Snuggles, he leapt over the railing and sprinted onto the field, dodging security like a man possessed. “IT’S FOR SNUGGLES!” he cried as he weaved past second base.
The crowd roared—though not in support—while Shohei stood frozen, unsure whether to laugh or run. John reached the pitcher’s mound, Sharpie in one hand and Snuggles in the other, before being tackled by three security guards.
As he was dragged off the field, John yelled, “IT’S FOR THE ULTIMATE COLLECTIBLE! HFBOARDS WILL LOVE THIS!”
Epilogue: Back to the Useless Thread
After spending the night in a holding cell and earning a lifetime ban from Dodger Stadium, John returned home with Snuggles, his Hollywood dreams in tatters.He logged onto HFBoards and typed a new post in the Useless Thread:
“Hollywood is a scam. Elton John’s security team is aggressive, women at bars don’t appreciate hockey forums, and Dodger Stadium has no chill. But Snuggles and I regret nothing.”
Within minutes, replies poured in:
- “Pics or it didn’t happen.”
- “Classic John L.”
- “You rushed the field for a plushie? LEGEND.”
The End.
Jumptheshark
Rebooting myself
izzy
go
Jumptheshark
Rebooting myself
John Price
pro gambler/drinker
- Sep 19, 2008
- 388,936
- 32,123
