Grate n Colorful Oz
The Hutson Hawk
Abandon all hope ye who enters!
These kids, right? It sure isn't the start of the season our in-the-mix leaning management had hoped for. The vets, the pups, the coaches, and plenty of blame to share among them. So many culprits to chose from. Is it Peewee Marty being too chummy with the gang? Inexperienced youth? Paltry level of overall talent? Over-the-hill underperforming vets?
Well, ladies and gents, I have my own pet theory on the matter. My own blame to point and stiffly shake a big disapproving finger at. J'accuse the Prime Habs Rebuild documentary series! Oh yeah, you heard me right, but allow me to elaborate before you scoff. You see, this' a young team here. Youth gets distracted much more easily. Most of them haven't tasted fame or monetary success yet, so a documentary like this is bound to change their fortunes, outlook and motivations.
Want proof of this? Tangible, undeniable proof? To see how they all banked on their names since the documentary came out? Getting their names hitched to brands, all in the name of fame, money and sweet sweet glory? I'm telling you, Ed Bernays would be proud, starting with Nick, Lane, Cayden & Jayden all getting important sponsorships. Hutson & Struble were even given their own product lines. See how busy they've been:
Then you have some of the kids naturally seeking opportunities towards proclivities proper to their age, in video games and comics, with Cole getting a superhero made out of him, while Kirby and Kaiden joined their likeness to classic games:
Barron also chose to go the same route, but nothing ever seems to turn out right for Justin. You can see he didn't like the experience one bit:
There was so much fame to go around with that damn documentary, both Newhook and Evans got main roles in friggin theater adaptations of classic and popular movies and books:
At least some of the guys went a step further and banked on their names by becoming entrepreneurs and opening venues, which is a tad more noble. Newcomer Emil Heineman teamed up with Heineken to start a new brewery, while Arber, enlisting his bro Florian, chose to offer around the clock network protection with the added bonus of the brothers personally hunting down flagged hackers by going to their houses to knock their teeth off, Jay and Silent Bob-style.
Inspired by the constant analogies to diamond, gem and jewel cutting in relation to his development, Slaf decided to open his own jewelry franchise, where he also offers a wide variety of snazzy and chic sunglasses. Pezz on the other hand landed in the cut-throat world of Montreal pizzerias. We know Mike's tough, but still a bold move:
Have you noticed a theme here? It's all the young guys. The vets seemed to have been a lot more mature and circumspect in their choices. For starters, Christian simply accomplished his long-time dream of reuniting with his old band. He's never been this happy:
Concerning the vets, even with many of them not fitting the old adage of aging like fine wine, you'd have to expect a bunch of thirty-something with piles of cash at their disposal, to do exactly what you'd expect them to do, which is, to buy a friggin vineyard. So original. Let's hope for them that their creations age better than some of them did on the ice:
On the other hand, there are a minority of our players who did some good with their names. Take Sam, for example. As part of his bid to be Canada's goaltender, he bolstered his résumé by doing important work for the community:
Some players already had something going for them. Alex's path as a journeyman in the NHL thought him early to diversify his meager earnings, while Yoel, the eternal teddybear, has been putting his good name & heart to use, for years now:
And then there are the guys you can't fault at all. We all know about young Mailloux's past misdeed, but what is lesser known is that it inspired him to seek an education in the behavioral sciences, and has become passionate about helping others heal and find themselves. So motivated he was, he burned through his studies and training and got his license really fast. He sort of hit a snag though because no one wants to be psycho-analyzed by a kid. So he had the brilliant idea to go Old Man Logan and bought a grey wig and a fake grey beard, along with a pair of smart looking glasses that make you think "this guy must know what he's talking about". It worked, to some degree. He's getting patients, not many of them and oddly enough, they always seem taken aback when they first meet him as he introduces himself. "Quebecers are weird", Logan often ponders:
Another kid who can't really be blamed is Oliver Kapanen, who's simply still trying to figure out which Kapanen he is. In the meantime, he got a sweet deal for the NHL's next line of Nesting Dolls (yeah, we can't name them Russian Dolls anymore, for some reason):
Lastly, one guy who can't really be blamed and who also happens to already have the fame and fortune is Patrik Laine. He doesn't even need to try to get sponsorships and deals, they just sorta automatically gravitate towards him. Case in point is a Quebec weed growing company who wanted to expand their operations into fashion hemp wool clothing and Laine, with his penchant for unorthodox clothing styles, was the perfect candidate. Naturally, they offered him his own line based on his style. You can see him as a model in this outake of their upcoming 2025 catalogue:
Oh, I almost forgot management. They haven't been shy of the limelight either. Not a good example to give to the kids:
So I rest my case! No wonder it's pandemonium in Habsland.
Okay, admittedly, I wrote all of this way before last night and wanted to put my name up for Saturday's game, but did so too late, so joke's on me, but you never know, these are growing pains. One day they're good, one day they're bad. It's only one win and things could crash down again, but for the meantime, we have to go up against Philly and that Russian kid, whose non-selection by the Habs is bemoaned daily, strike that.. every passing minute, in these very pages. All cylinders are firing for young Matvei, but despite the early success, it's hard to imagine a Michorella relationship that won't produce any juicy drama. We all know it's just a matter of time and Danny's gonna have to keep those 'Cuties' at close hand for his coach as he'll deal with their own growing pains and the inevitable temper tantrums of the Russian phenom:
Reading the main boards, Michkov is now so much more talented than Demidov. Some even pretend the latter's puck carrying skills are not gonna translate in the NHL. Good ol main board with its typical nine parts -**********s-, one part good posters.
Can we finally get rid of the back-to-back jinx? Here's hoping Hutson shuts down Michkov... and the main board.
Game on!
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WOW
