@BagHead
Well according to my head cannon this was your adventure on how you got kicked out of school. I moved the reply to hear to not take that topic off the rails even further.
-College age you was sad and depressed after spending months in the bleak, desolate landscape that is UM. You and your buddies decide to escape to Vegas for some fun and bright lights.
-Plane ride out there has an Adam Sandler movie for the in flight movie. So things are looking up already.
-Get to the Vegas airport and play the first slot you see and hit a nice $4k payout.
-Get to Fremont St. and check into the 4 Queens. You're college kids so cheap hotel is good, and really anything is better than MN.
-Walk around the Freemont Street casinos loading up on free booze until you're good and toasted. - -Drunken wandering around Freemont taking in the weirdness that comes out after dark, your group somehow ends up with a tagalong woman dressed in full leather (catwoman wannabe).
-That's when you see it. "Get Married by Elvis" poster and in your drunken state that sounds like the best idea ever. Catwoman says she knows the place and leads you there.
-Get to the chapel. It's decorated in the Vegas Elvis motif. The clerk there asks is you want to go to the courthouse first to make it a legal wedding. You remembered that you had recently been to court for a speeding ticket and it didn't get reduced so you paid the full ticket price plus the court fees. So screw going back to one of those places. Then she asks who is the lucky couple?
-You're in a group with a bunch of guys and Catwoman. So because you're rolling in the dough from your airport win. You said that is was you and right before you say Catwoman, in a moment of drunken clarity you think to yourself "I can't marry a cat." Then you remembered the Adam Sandler movie on the flight out and thought "well if it was okay for Chuck and Larry then that is good enough for me." So you panic say you and your "hold my beer" buddy. He looks at you weird so you say "Chuck and Larry". He goes "Oh right, it's like it was a sign" and agrees.
-Fat Vegas Elvis dressing in the white jumpsuit iis standing at the alter waiting. So two you walk up and do the introductions and how the ceremony goes. Your buddy is all in at this point, and decides he wants to do the whole bride thing: "here comes the bride" walk down the isle, carrying flowers, and wearing a tiara (Catwoman lets his use her ears for that). "Suspicious Minds" is what you pick as you wedding song that Elvis sings to you after the "I do's"
-You go though the ceremony (by all accounts it was lovely) and when it comes to the you can kiss the bride it get awkward. Your buddy leans in for a smooch and you stick out your hand for a handshake. Everyone laughs, you turn red, and then laugh. Off to celebrate with more drinks after the wedding.
-While celebrating your introverted buddy says he would rather have young Elvis over Vegas Elvis do the ceremony if it was him. Challenge accepted because he's the guy who never says much of anything. Off to find a Young Elvis wedding chapel. -On the way you're going going though the steps of the wedding with your buddy so he's not caught flat footed by questions.
-Get to the chapel and your buddy and Catwoman go and talks to the clerk. You're standing and joking with the rest of the group excited to watch this happen not paying attention to anything else. Your buddy finishes up the paperwork and grabs you and says okay lets go to the alter. Deer in headlights looks from you and you say "What?!?" Your buddy says it's time and looks at you anxiously. Then you think hard though your booze addled mind and remember when talking about it on the way over everything you said about the ceremony was "we". Your "first hubby" almost falls over laughing and pushes you towards the chapel door.
-On the way to the alter your shy buddy reminds he wants no isle walk, a handshake (no kiss), and "Love Me Tender" for the wedding song. The ceremony went off without a hitch, but it was an industrial feeling to it according to the onlookers. Your second hubby is happy as can be though so off to celebrate again.
-While celebrating your buddies start calling you boss. Catwoman, who is just along for the show and free drinks at this point, mentions there is a midget Elvis that does weddings. A third buddy pipes up and says this is something I have to see. You're weddinged out at this point, and try to change the subject. But your buddies start egging you on: "Come on boss." "You need the trifecta, boss." "Do it, boss." etc. After a few more shots you are felling really good and like being called boss. so you give in.
-On the way to the chapel you pull a mini bridezilla and decide you won't go though with it unless you get a proper tiara and sashes you see some other bride to be wearing around town. You sit down on the ground and throw a "it's my wedding and I want it my way" fit.
-So your buddies somehow talk one of the "bride to be parties" into going to the chapel with you so you can barrow her stuff for the ceremony. Money may or may not have exchanged hands, you weren't paying much attention during your fit. But it was better than them just mugging the poor girl; which you did hear mentioned. Off to the chapel your buddies, Catwoman, and the hen party all go.
-Your soon to be third hubby takes care of all the clerk details. When it's your turn the clerk gives you a confused look when the bride to be gives you her stuff and looks at the paperwork again. You get to midget Elvis, who looks like a mini fat Elvis, and tell him your walking down the isle and damnit you're getting kissed this time.
-"Here Comes the Bride" plays and you walk mostly straight down the isle and only stumble once. As the midget Elvis is going though the vows you're a little bored after hearing them 2 other times already and look around at your buddies, Catwoman, and the hen party. Your buddies are all smiling. Hubby 1 is standing next to the bride to be and she has tear in her eyes.
-When midget Elvis gets to the "I do's" he looks at you and says "Do you Ross take..." and you didn't hear the rest because it clicked. They weren't calling you "boss" they were calling you "Ross" from "Friends". You're on auto pilot as your comprehending this and just say "I do" when midget Elvis stops talking. You get snapped back into the present when hubby 3 plants a big kiss on your lips and midget Elvis start singing "My Way" as your wedding song.
-You leave the chapel, and start talking to your buddies; well I guess they are mostly all your hubbies now. And find out they were calling you Ross and not boss. Also when giving back the bride to be stuff the tears were from laughter because she was a huge "Friends" fan. The wedding song was in response to the fit you threw before this last wedding. You're offended for a second but then just start laughing at the silliness of it all. Off to celebrate one more time.
-Now for the reason you got kicked out of school. When you got back to UM you went to the legal department to see about a name change. It was just a simple question of what order a hyphenated last name goes. They tell you the maiden name is first traditionally, but it doesn't really matter. When you asked where the 2nd and 3rd marriage last name go in the order. They looked at you weird and said they get dropped/replaced when the previous marriage ends. When you said that you got married 3 times and didn't end any of them they sent you up to the department head because they wanted no part of that trainwreck.
-The department head hears part of your story. Tells you to stop and calls the dean to hear this. The department head and dean hear the whole story, get it sorted out that the marriages weren't "official" by law and tell you there isn't any legal obligations for you. Then proceeds to kick you out of school for getting married 3 times to 3 different guys in the span of a few drunken hours. He called it the dumbass bylaw (not the official name) of the student code of conduct.
ps. Yes, I know I'm weird.
