Roboturner913
Registered User
- Jul 3, 2012
- 25,853
- 55,526
Tonight, your Carolina Hurricanes will face a team from Detroit that will remain nameless, because they stole our Cup once, and **** Igor Larionov for scoring that goal, and **** Brett Hull for just being a tool.
Anyway, in an attempt to prove to cynical know-it-alls that Our Prince Derek Ryan is not some AHL slug who just got lucky enough to play with the latter-day Gretzky, AKA Little Jeffrey Skinner, AKA The Jeff Skinner Drinking Game Thread, who basically accounts for all scoring plays the Hurricanes, well, score.
What was I saying? Oh yeah, anyway, the current Canes coach and former Sportscenter anchor Bill Pieto has decided to play only Derek Ryan at forward. Yes, that's correct. Derek Ryan is twelveth-shifting this game. It's kinda like double-shifting, except six times as much.
Ryan has assured coach Bill Peito that this is possible. Derek Ryan can actually occupy all points in space-time at once, since he learned how to astral project himself while playing in some weird gypsy hockey league in the late 1960s. (It has been widely speculated although never proven that Ryan scored 4 goals against the Baltimore Clippers in 1969 while simulataneously playing bongos in Santana's legendary performance of "Soul Sacrifice" at Woodstock.)
This ability also means that every time Derek Ryan scores the "unsustainable" crowd will get 24 middle fingers from Derek Ryan. That's two middle fingers each from 12 Derek Ryans. Deal with it haterz
Here are the lines
Carolina:
Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan
Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan
Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan
Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan
Our Lord and Savior Jaccob Slavin-Brett Pesce
Ronald C. Hainsey (the "C" stands for crappy)-JFaulko
Noah Hanifin-Matt Tennyson
Cam Ward? who cares
Detroit:
Larionov-Yzerman-McCarty
Federov-Justin Abdelkadackalackadelker-Brett Hull
Maltby-Draper-Pat Dwyer, yeah, that Pat Dwyer
and some fourth line tools who are barely better than Derek Ryan
Gritty Vet AWardo-Mike Commodore
Lidstrom-Kronwall
Konstantinov-Fetisov
Osgood?
the end
Anyway, in an attempt to prove to cynical know-it-alls that Our Prince Derek Ryan is not some AHL slug who just got lucky enough to play with the latter-day Gretzky, AKA Little Jeffrey Skinner, AKA The Jeff Skinner Drinking Game Thread, who basically accounts for all scoring plays the Hurricanes, well, score.
What was I saying? Oh yeah, anyway, the current Canes coach and former Sportscenter anchor Bill Pieto has decided to play only Derek Ryan at forward. Yes, that's correct. Derek Ryan is twelveth-shifting this game. It's kinda like double-shifting, except six times as much.
Ryan has assured coach Bill Peito that this is possible. Derek Ryan can actually occupy all points in space-time at once, since he learned how to astral project himself while playing in some weird gypsy hockey league in the late 1960s. (It has been widely speculated although never proven that Ryan scored 4 goals against the Baltimore Clippers in 1969 while simulataneously playing bongos in Santana's legendary performance of "Soul Sacrifice" at Woodstock.)
This ability also means that every time Derek Ryan scores the "unsustainable" crowd will get 24 middle fingers from Derek Ryan. That's two middle fingers each from 12 Derek Ryans. Deal with it haterz
Here are the lines
Carolina:
Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan
Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan
Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan
Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan-Derek Ryan
Our Lord and Savior Jaccob Slavin-Brett Pesce
Ronald C. Hainsey (the "C" stands for crappy)-JFaulko
Noah Hanifin-Matt Tennyson
Cam Ward? who cares
Detroit:
Larionov-Yzerman-McCarty
Federov-Justin Abdelkadackalackadelker-Brett Hull
Maltby-Draper-Pat Dwyer, yeah, that Pat Dwyer
and some fourth line tools who are barely better than Derek Ryan
Gritty Vet AWardo-Mike Commodore
Lidstrom-Kronwall
Konstantinov-Fetisov
Osgood?
the end
Last edited:
