tarheelhockey
Offside Review Specialist
This (other than the refs that obviously do a poor job) is the biggest complaint I get from players in Rec league is a guy that won't take the time to explain a call. Last night I did a men's league game that a player got called for a trip in the first for sticking his foot out. In the 2nd one of the players on his team lost an edge when an opposing players stick was right beside him and he thought it was a trip and said right behind me "that was way worse than what I did. f***ing unbelievable."
I had to explain that although the players stick was beside him, he just lost an edge. Sometimes players want to know why a call was made or not made.
The challenge is presentation. I try to educate players that coming to a ref to tell them they screwed up/missed a call/etc doesn't promote communication. Communication isn't going to the ref and complaining.
Best advice: "Stripes, no call there?" or "Our 22 went down there, what did you see?"
If game is not going well from your standpoint/too rough/etc: "Stripes, our bench feels like too much is going on out there? Do you see it the same way?"
Remember what your goal is. Getting the frustration off your chest and expecting the referee to accept it, is not within a ref's job description. (Although there is the odd occasion where I will let a player blow off a bit of steam IF I believe there is a good chance I missed a call.)
Every situation is unique in its own way, but I lot of the time I think it helps if the ref simply indicates that he saw the incident and made a judgment that it wasn't a penalty. Something as simple as a quick "no way" and keep moving, or "find me later and we'll talk about it" if it's a bad time for a conversation. Then you catch a guy at a faceoff to quietly say "I know he fell down, I'm watching out for it, but that one wasn't a penalty" and give the guy like 2 seconds to speak his mind before you drop the puck. Unless he's being completely over the top about it, that defuses the situation. Just giving the impression that you're actively watching, willing to communicate, understand the frustration, but also not interested in holding up the game for a rules debate.
Growing up, it was common for refs to make the wash-out signal when they knew something looked like it could have been a penalty. I get the impression that they were trained out of this, but I do think it make things worse when they appear to be oblivious to what just happened right in front of them.