No. But, I don't think there is anyway you can talk yourself into Malkin having a better career than Kuch.
For the hell of it and since you don't like doing math...
Using Hockey Reference's point shares but calculating at a "per game" basis:
Entire career:
there was a broken table here
[Crosby is better over the course of their entire NHL careers by a little bit]
Ages 20 to 31 (Kuch's entire career):
there was a broken table here
[Crosby is 10% better]
Entire career:
there was a broken table here
[Malkin is 12% worse]
Ages 20 to 31 (Kuch's entire career):
there was a broken table here
[Malkin is slightly better overall, better offensively, but worse defensively]
There's some slight errors in the digits I punched in but I don't think they'd make significant changes. And the "##-age season" from Hockey Reference seems a bit off to me.
Anyway, let's see how Kucherov ages.
edit: oh damnit the table formatting got all messed up... gonna remove
TLDR: Crosby is slightly better overall than Kucherov considering all their NHL seasons (including these twilight years). But comparing the same aged seasons of the two Crosby is 10% better overall. Then for Malkin he is about 12% worse with these twilight years. But for the same ages he is slightly better (better offensively but worse defensively).