Ho Le Chit ... this is the funniest dead pan comedy Ive read in a while. The equivalent of the "do you even lift".
I played organized ice hockey, played college lacrosse, was an NCLL All Star, scored 4 goals against Duquense University AND ... I dont spend my adult life playing some war game pretend marine guy.
(I play RDR2 as a cowboy ... peum! puem! bang! bang!)
edit - pretty sure hes talking floor hockey. lol .. sprinting? starter? I also played in an adult floor/rollerbalde league when I was like 13, they had to make a special exemption for me .. because I am also bad ass .... and I could pay the registration money