OT: 119th Obsequious Banter Thread: April Foods Day

[Beef Invictus]

I will kill you, and your corpse will not be identifiable.

 

[Surrounded By Ahos]

Speaking of which, I got some make up picks. You wanna make them for the big club?

I'm game, just point me in the right direction.

 

[Jack Straw]

Foreign spies who have used drones have tended towards smaller drones. The goal is to try and not be noticed, after all.

Let me get this straight, you're saying that flying drones the size of VW Beetles a few hundred feet over New Jersey is not good spycraft?

Well knock me over with a feather.

 

[Lord Defect]

They have my DNA and it was well worth it to be told that I have predisposition for misophonia.

This allows me to explain why I get white hot rage when I hear someone eating or chewing near me.

You had to pay to know that you should be thoroughly annoyed by someone eating loudly?

 

[Hollywood Cannon]

You had to pay to know that you should be thoroughly annoyed by someone eating loudly?

It’s not a matter of being loud. It’s at all.

And I didn’t pay to know that, I just now have science that says it’s my genes. I don’t control it.

 

[Lord Defect]

The gubment has had my DNA probably since before they knew they could do weird stuff with it. At least I know that my remains will always be identifiable.

That’s if THEY actually WANT your remains found. Guinea pig.

 

[Beef Invictus]

Let me get this straight, you're saying that flying drones the size of VW Beetles a few hundred feet over New Jersey is not good spycraft?

Well knock me over with a feather.

I see now that Van Drew is claiming Iran parked one of their new drone carriers off the coast and they're responsible, but the chief problem I can find with that is that as of a few days ago, their drone carriers have been in port the entire time.

 

[LegionOfDoom91]

That’s if THEY actually WANT your remains found. Guinea pig.

 

[ajgoal]

Let me get this straight, you're saying that flying drones the size of VW Beetles a few hundred feet over New Jersey is not good spycraft?

Well knock me over with a feather.

With navigation lights

 

[ajgoal]

It's not as fun as it sounds.

 

[Striiker]

It's not as fun as it sounds.

Yeah, both removing someone’s and having yours removed sucks.

 

[ajgoal]

Yeah, both removing someone’s and having yours removed sucks.

They give you a hernia just to fix it again. And the gas pain in the shoulders is terrible.

 

[Young Sandwich]

With navigation lights

Whatever they are, they aren't trying to conceal themselves. At least until they get followed by law enforcement and then "go dark" according to Gov Murphy.

Maybe it's a viral marketing stunt for a defense contractor. If so, they're doing a great job.

 

[Beef Invictus]

With navigation lights

Ok now I badly want this to be Iran. That would be hilariously orderly

 

[Superman33]

I see now that Van Drew is claiming Iran parked one of their new drone carriers off the coast and they're responsible, but the chief problem I can find with that is that as of a few days ago, their drone carriers have been in port the entire time.

Van Drew is a crazy person, you can't trust anything he says. I mean, he dresses like this all the time. Something ain't right there.

 

[Beef Invictus]

Van Drew is a crazy person, you can't trust anything he says. I mean, he dresses like this all the time. Something ain't right there.

Hockey fashion

 

[Jack Straw]

Van Drew is a crazy person, you can't trust anything he says. I mean, he dresses like this all the time. Something ain't right there.

Don Cherry approves.

 

[Striiker]

They give you a hernia just to fix it again. And the gas pain in the shoulders is terrible.

Gas pain in the shoulder?

What











What

 

[ajgoal]

Gas pain in the shoulder?

What











What

Yeah. Sounds weird cause it is.

When they work in your abdomen, they inflate it like a balloon, so there's more room. When they close you up, they can't get all the extra air out, so some is left behind. Until it works its way into the blood and then out of the body, it puts pressure on your phrenic nerve, which is located on your diaphragm but extends to the shoulders. So they hurt a lot until you manage to get the gas out.

Also, don't laugh, cough, bend, or have a 20-pound cat jump on your stomach.

 

[Striiker]

Yeah. Sounds weird cause it is.

When they work in your abdomen, they inflate it like a balloon, so there's more room. When they close you up, they can't get all the extra air out, so some is left behind. Until it works its way into the blood and then out of the body, it puts pressure on your phrenic nerve, which is located on your diaphragm but extends to the shoulders. So they hurt a lot until you manage to get the gas out.

Also, don't laugh, cough, bend, or have a 20-pound cat jump on your stomach.

Sneezing is the absolute worst.

 

[Captain Dave Poulin]

They have my DNA and it was well worth it to be told that I have predisposition for misophonia.

This allows me to explain why I get white hot rage when I hear someone eating or chewing near me.

I have that too, but mine is when someone on TV pours liquid from one thing into another thing and it makes the "glug" sound. Or when someone drinks and makes that sound. Or when someone is mic'ed up for reality TV and eats.

 

[Lord Defect]

I have that too, but mine is when someone on TV pours liquid from one thing into another thing and it makes the "glug" sound. Or when someone drinks and makes that sound. Or when someone is mic'ed up for reality TV and eats.

Aaaaahhhh

 

[ajgoal]

Sneezing is the absolute worst.

Such pain.

 

[Striiker]

Such pain.

“If you’re going to sneeze then tightly hold a pillow to your mid-section”

BUT THATS EXACTLY WHERE IT HURTS

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

 

[ajgoal]

“If you’re going to sneeze then tightly hold a pillow to your mid-section”

BUT THATS EXACTLY WHERE IT HURTS

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

Pillow helps prevent the rapid expansion of the injured area, I think.. absolutely works.

My pillow was a rotund dinosaur.