Le Barron de HF
Justin make me proud
HandsomeHollywood's card
ECW March Into Hell
Location: Madison Square Garden
Attendance: 20,000
Play by Play: Joey Styles
***DISCLAIMER: ECW Champion Daniel Bryan does not endorse ECW and owner Paul Heyman’s decision to go ahead with MARCH INTO HELL, despite the champion’s petition to cancel the event.
Tag Team Match
The Pitbulls vs Jamie Noble & Kid Kash
For weeks on ECW TV Noble and Kash have been tasked with forced “reparations” to atone for their liberal use of The Pitbulls name and gimmick while in WWE. Noble and Kash had been forced to clean up The Pitbulls’ hotel rooms, be The Pitbulls’ gym spotters, fetch the Pitbulls water and even prepare meals for The Pitbulls. Finally, Noble and Kash had had enough from the veterans and challenged them to this match. If Noble and Kash win, the matter is settled and they’re free from their servitude. If the Pitbulls win, Noble and Kash will be forced to sign new contracts, putting them at the service of the Pitbulls for the duration of their time in ECW.
The match begins furiously. Both teams are trying to end the match quick, electing to do incredibly brutal moves to each other. Eventually, The original Pitbulls resort to the use of steel chairs and weapons to punish Noble and Kash, rendering the match a no contest. All 4 men brawl, with both Noble and Kash, as well as Pitbull #2 become bloody messes. All the while the ECW fans chant “bull****”.
Winner: No contest
During the post-decision brawl between the two teams, Daniel Bryan’s music hits (the original Cry of the Valkyrie). From behind the curtain comes ECW Champion Daniel Bryan, with his doctors in tow, Dr. Kevin Nash and Dr. Stevie, as well as Nurse Tammy Sytch and his student Eugene Bischoff enter the ring. Dr. Nash and Dr. Stevie make short work of all four men, who have been beaten badly. Nash and Stevie hold each of the four competitors in place for Bryan to deliver flying knees left and right. Crowd begins to boo.
Daniel Bryan: “This is what needs to end! Hardcore wrestling needs to die. The mentality of ECW and you people need to change! Here you have four men killing each other for your amusement! And do you appreciate any of it? No! All you can do is boo and chant bull**** at people trying to do their jobs. Tonight, you will be in for a treat though. Tonight I defend my ECW Championship against Mr. Complacent himself, Rob Van Dam. Tell them Dr. Nash.”
Kevin Nash: “ECW nobodies! Listen up! Tonight, we got Tommy, Tahiti and who is it? Tatanka? Whatever your names are. If you really want to face me, Dr. Stevie and Eugene tonight, you’re going to have to sweeten the pot. We here at Health & Wellness, fully endorse Daniel Bryan’s stipulation idea. If you guys manage to beat us, then we will allow the ban on Rob Van Dam’s Van Daminator to be lifted. As well as the Van Terminator. Mr. Bryan is so confident in us that he’ll even agree to make the match a Hardcore match.
Dr. Stevie: “HOWEVER, if we win, then Mr. Bryan CORDIALLY INVITES Mr. Van Dam tonight to challenge him for his ECW Championship…in a theological debate on the merits of extreme violence in professional wrestling! And if Bryan’s going to play by your rules later, then you’ll have to play by OURS. This is a straight tag match, with DQs. A WRESTLING match!”
Nurse Tammy: “And Blue Meanie. I love you so much honey. I got your letter and I love you too. I can’t wait to see you and your beautiful body tonight, baby.”
Crowd: “**** YOU, BRYAN!” clap clap clapclapclap
The match begins furiously. Both teams are trying to end the match quick, electing to do incredibly brutal moves to each other. Eventually, The original Pitbulls resort to the use of steel chairs and weapons to punish Noble and Kash, rendering the match a no contest. All 4 men brawl, with both Noble and Kash, as well as Pitbull #2 become bloody messes. All the while the ECW fans chant “bull****”.
Winner: No contest
During the post-decision brawl between the two teams, Daniel Bryan’s music hits (the original Cry of the Valkyrie). From behind the curtain comes ECW Champion Daniel Bryan, with his doctors in tow, Dr. Kevin Nash and Dr. Stevie, as well as Nurse Tammy Sytch and his student Eugene Bischoff enter the ring. Dr. Nash and Dr. Stevie make short work of all four men, who have been beaten badly. Nash and Stevie hold each of the four competitors in place for Bryan to deliver flying knees left and right. Crowd begins to boo.
Daniel Bryan: “This is what needs to end! Hardcore wrestling needs to die. The mentality of ECW and you people need to change! Here you have four men killing each other for your amusement! And do you appreciate any of it? No! All you can do is boo and chant bull**** at people trying to do their jobs. Tonight, you will be in for a treat though. Tonight I defend my ECW Championship against Mr. Complacent himself, Rob Van Dam. Tell them Dr. Nash.”
Kevin Nash: “ECW nobodies! Listen up! Tonight, we got Tommy, Tahiti and who is it? Tatanka? Whatever your names are. If you really want to face me, Dr. Stevie and Eugene tonight, you’re going to have to sweeten the pot. We here at Health & Wellness, fully endorse Daniel Bryan’s stipulation idea. If you guys manage to beat us, then we will allow the ban on Rob Van Dam’s Van Daminator to be lifted. As well as the Van Terminator. Mr. Bryan is so confident in us that he’ll even agree to make the match a Hardcore match.
Dr. Stevie: “HOWEVER, if we win, then Mr. Bryan CORDIALLY INVITES Mr. Van Dam tonight to challenge him for his ECW Championship…in a theological debate on the merits of extreme violence in professional wrestling! And if Bryan’s going to play by your rules later, then you’ll have to play by OURS. This is a straight tag match, with DQs. A WRESTLING match!”
Nurse Tammy: “And Blue Meanie. I love you so much honey. I got your letter and I love you too. I can’t wait to see you and your beautiful body tonight, baby.”
Crowd: “**** YOU, BRYAN!” clap clap clapclapclap
Singles Match
PAC vs Dean Malenko
The Iceman Dean Malenko had previously bested PAC in nearly short order twice on ECW TV. PAC has become obsessed with wanting to defeat Malenko, and to instill some respect in him for his high-flying style. Malenko has been accepting every challenge from PAC with confidence. Insisting that he has no problem with giving additional classes while taking PAC to school. Malenko believes he has the upper-hand in skill and possesses the psychological edge. The Iceman says PAC needs him more than he needs PAC, and with serious potential for Television Championship aspirations on the line, PAC is determined to prove that he doesn’t need anyone.
Winner: PAC finally slays his dragon in Dean Malenko.
Winner: PAC finally slays his dragon in Dean Malenko.
ECW Television Championship
Singles Match
Dynamite Kid (c) vs Minoru Suzuki
Dynamite Kid has been lighting the wrestling world on fire with repeated excellent performances defending the ECW Television Championship against all-comers for the past 360 days. Putting on classics with the likes of Rob Van Dam, Chris Benoit, and Tajiri during this time.
Minoru Suzuki has come to ECW to challenge Dynamite Kid for his championship. Suzuki wants to crush the legend of the great Dynamite Kid. He has been playing games with Dynamite, calling him “Daisy” and sneak attacking him. On ECW Dynamite Kid told Suzuki to “come take your best shot, ya ****e. At March Into Hell, put up, or fook off.”
Winner: Dynamite Kid retains.
Minoru Suzuki has come to ECW to challenge Dynamite Kid for his championship. Suzuki wants to crush the legend of the great Dynamite Kid. He has been playing games with Dynamite, calling him “Daisy” and sneak attacking him. On ECW Dynamite Kid told Suzuki to “come take your best shot, ya ****e. At March Into Hell, put up, or fook off.”
Winner: Dynamite Kid retains.
ECW Tag Team Championship
Hardcore Match
“The Gangstas” New Jack & Mustafa Saed (c) (with Theodore Long) vs
“LAX” Homicide & Hernandez (with Konan)
The Gangstas have reigned supreme over ECW tag team wrestling for quite some time now. Ever since they hired Theodore Long to refocus their priorities, and have them training to wrestle as well as to brawl in order to adapt to any opponent has served them well. Long has taught them to fight the White power with their biggest fears; be educated. Be smart. Opening a whole new path of racially charged controversy like never before.
The debuting LAX have been hot on the heels of The Gangstas, stating they will bring The Gangstas back to their roots to whip them. Homicide has been calling New Jack “soft”, which has proven to be an effective way to get under New Jack’s skin and derail the new, more serious Gangstas. This is a straight turf war between two gangs that is going to be anything but pretty. Konan and Long are sure to get involved as well, no doubt.
Winners: LAX win the ECW Tag Team Championship in a violent, bloody war.
The debuting LAX have been hot on the heels of The Gangstas, stating they will bring The Gangstas back to their roots to whip them. Homicide has been calling New Jack “soft”, which has proven to be an effective way to get under New Jack’s skin and derail the new, more serious Gangstas. This is a straight turf war between two gangs that is going to be anything but pretty. Konan and Long are sure to get involved as well, no doubt.
Winners: LAX win the ECW Tag Team Championship in a violent, bloody war.
If Sandman wins, he gets to cane Lawler
Singles Match
The Sandman vs “Too Sexy” Brian Christopher (with Jerry Lawler)
Jerry Lawler is disgusted that ECW has managed to stain the hallowed ground of Madison Square Garden, and is not going to take it lying down. The Sandman was beaten bloody and left laying in the parking lot during a taping of ECW TV. Sandman was taken to the hospital. Lawler has since been helping his son climb the ranks and hopefully out of the undercard, to destroy ECW from the inside.
Sandman has returned, caning Too Sexy throughout an entire arena for one episode of ECW TV, when Lawler ran away and left his son to take the caning. The match was set by Paul Heyman. If Lawler wants it so bad, if he wins Brian Christopher will receive a full-time, big money contract to ECW. If Sandman wins, Lawler will be caned in the ring for 5 minutes.
Winner: The Sandman
After the match, when Sandman is ready to take his revenge by whipping Lawler’s ass into the canvas, The FBI storm the ring. It turns out that Lawler paid Little Guido, Tony Mamaluke and Sal E Graziano to protect him from the caning if things go wrong. Lawler is able to escape by the skin of his teeth, but all 3 members of the FBI are treated to Sandman’s fury with his cane.
Sandman leaves for the back, through the crowd to his entrance music, with a lot of beer.
Sandman has returned, caning Too Sexy throughout an entire arena for one episode of ECW TV, when Lawler ran away and left his son to take the caning. The match was set by Paul Heyman. If Lawler wants it so bad, if he wins Brian Christopher will receive a full-time, big money contract to ECW. If Sandman wins, Lawler will be caned in the ring for 5 minutes.
Winner: The Sandman
After the match, when Sandman is ready to take his revenge by whipping Lawler’s ass into the canvas, The FBI storm the ring. It turns out that Lawler paid Little Guido, Tony Mamaluke and Sal E Graziano to protect him from the caning if things go wrong. Lawler is able to escape by the skin of his teeth, but all 3 members of the FBI are treated to Sandman’s fury with his cane.
Sandman leaves for the back, through the crowd to his entrance music, with a lot of beer.
Health & Wellness vs ECW
6-Man Tag Team Match
Kevin Nash, Stevie Richards & Eugene Bischoff (with Nurse Tammy Sytch) vs
Tommy Dreamer, Yoshihiro Tajiri, & Masato Tanaka (with The Blue Meanie)
If Health & Wellness wins, Daniel Bryan’s match with Rob Van Dam is changed to a theological debate. If ECW wins, their match becomes a hardcore match, and the doctor’s notes from Dr. Nash and Dr. Stevie banning the use of the Van Daminator will be null and void.
Lots of shenanigans and gaga in this match. Bryan hired Tammy Sytch to be his nurse upon his arrival in ECW, where he’s also saved Eugene Bischoff by giving him proper therapy and treatment for his illnesses and injuries. Health & Wellness has been on a mission to change ECW into a more sportsman like competition, with full gear and a rounds system in order to preserve the health of Daniel Brya- I mean, the other wrestlers.
Nurse Tammy has been exploiting Blue Meanie’s obvious attraction to her. She believes this will give Health & Wellness the advantage they need. It backfires however, and she finds herself on the receiving end of a disgusting Blue Meanie kiss.
Winners: Team ECW defeat Health & Wellness following a distraction on the outside caused by Nurse Tammy and Blue Meanie. Tommy Dreamer pins Nash.
Lots of shenanigans and gaga in this match. Bryan hired Tammy Sytch to be his nurse upon his arrival in ECW, where he’s also saved Eugene Bischoff by giving him proper therapy and treatment for his illnesses and injuries. Health & Wellness has been on a mission to change ECW into a more sportsman like competition, with full gear and a rounds system in order to preserve the health of Daniel Brya- I mean, the other wrestlers.
Nurse Tammy has been exploiting Blue Meanie’s obvious attraction to her. She believes this will give Health & Wellness the advantage they need. It backfires however, and she finds herself on the receiving end of a disgusting Blue Meanie kiss.
Winners: Team ECW defeat Health & Wellness following a distraction on the outside caused by Nurse Tammy and Blue Meanie. Tommy Dreamer pins Nash.
Number One Contendership
Singles Match
Chris Benoit vs WALTER
Chris Benoit has been on a collision course with Daniel Bryan for the better part of the year. Wrestling insiders refer to the match up as “inevitable”. This could explain why Health & Wellness attacked Benoit during his match with Dynamite Kid to cost him the Television Championship. Now there’s another obstacle in Benoit’s way. The red hot Walter looking to make a statement in his bid for the ECW Championship. Will Benoit be able to focus on the task at hand? Or will he still have Health & Wellness’ seemingly random attack on his mind?
Can you say, chopfest? A smash mouth fight full of stiff wrestling. This match would have potential to be the longest of the show, as Benoit fights desperately to defeat the larger and stronger Walter.
Winner: Chris Benoit wins in an upset over the younger Walter.
Can you say, chopfest? A smash mouth fight full of stiff wrestling. This match would have potential to be the longest of the show, as Benoit fights desperately to defeat the larger and stronger Walter.
Winner: Chris Benoit wins in an upset over the younger Walter.
ECW World Championship
Hardcore Match
Daniel Bryan (c) vs Rob Van Dam (with Bill Alfonso)
Daniel Bryan has come to ECW to save wrestling. Bryan has been giving sanctimonious and hypocritical promos on the virtues of true competition and the dangers of extreme violence. Extreme violence that once forced him into retirement. Bryan has formed Health & Wellness, a stable consisting of himself and his medical staff, Dr. Kevin Nash, Dr. Stevie and Nurse Tammy, as well as his protégé Eugene Bischoff. Bryan’s doctors have been frequently writing notes excusing Bryan from having to defend the championship or excusing him from certain matches with those Bryan deem to be dangerous or intellectually bankrupt. Most recently Bryan’s staff had threatened legal action against ECW, owner Paul Heyman and Rob Van Dam over the threatened use of both the Van Daminator and Van Terminator.
Rob Van Dam has been drawing the ire of Daniel Bryan by remaining cool and collected under pressure and under scrutiny by Health & Wellnesss. Being dubbed “Mr. Complacent” by Daniel Bryan, Van Dam has no time for Health & Wellness’ mind games, instead opting to constantly offer Bryan to come fight him. Van Dam has been receiving back up from ECW originals such as Tommy Dreamer, Tajiri, Masato Tanaka, Blue Meanie and Chris Benoit. Rob Van Dam wants Bryan to go home and to stop meddling in things he has nothing to do with, namely ECW.
Now with the stage set, and the added stipulation of the match being under classic ECW extreme rules, who will walk out as the ECW World Champion from ECW MARCH INTO HELL.
Winner: In a twist ending, ECW owner Paul Heyman would come out to even the odds for Rob Van Dam, only to turn on RVD and Fonsie to give the victory to Bryan, counting the 3 count himself. Heyman is not scared of Daniel Bryan and Health & Wellness’ legal threats, but he is scared of the Daniel Bryan gravy train stopping. So much so that Heyman has sold out his own title and company at their biggest show, with the hopes of further big shows with Daniel Bryan lighting up the marquee.
Following the match, an irate Chris Benoit marches to the ring to confront Daniel Bryan. Benoit single handedly takes out the rest of Health & Wellness plus Heyman, and the show ends with Benoit and Bryan having a stare down.
Rob Van Dam has been drawing the ire of Daniel Bryan by remaining cool and collected under pressure and under scrutiny by Health & Wellnesss. Being dubbed “Mr. Complacent” by Daniel Bryan, Van Dam has no time for Health & Wellness’ mind games, instead opting to constantly offer Bryan to come fight him. Van Dam has been receiving back up from ECW originals such as Tommy Dreamer, Tajiri, Masato Tanaka, Blue Meanie and Chris Benoit. Rob Van Dam wants Bryan to go home and to stop meddling in things he has nothing to do with, namely ECW.
Now with the stage set, and the added stipulation of the match being under classic ECW extreme rules, who will walk out as the ECW World Champion from ECW MARCH INTO HELL.
Winner: In a twist ending, ECW owner Paul Heyman would come out to even the odds for Rob Van Dam, only to turn on RVD and Fonsie to give the victory to Bryan, counting the 3 count himself. Heyman is not scared of Daniel Bryan and Health & Wellness’ legal threats, but he is scared of the Daniel Bryan gravy train stopping. So much so that Heyman has sold out his own title and company at their biggest show, with the hopes of further big shows with Daniel Bryan lighting up the marquee.
Following the match, an irate Chris Benoit marches to the ring to confront Daniel Bryan. Benoit single handedly takes out the rest of Health & Wellness plus Heyman, and the show ends with Benoit and Bryan having a stare down.
GKJ's card
Pennsylvania Championship Wrestling presents:
Wrestlevania 3
from Philadelphia, PA
Commentators: Mauro Ranallo and Corey Graves
Ring Announcer: Greg Hamilton
1. Los Ingobernables de Japón (EVIL & SANADA) (c) vs. Authors of Pain (Akam & Rezar) w/ Paul Ellering (c) vs.
PCW Tag Team Championship
Since he is not needed elsewhere, Paul Ellering has come to PCW to bring back the Authors of Pain, in all of their glorious power - that we all do actually remember. In their way stand former IWGP Tag Team champions who are far established as both singles and a tag team in their own right, as they meet in the place they can.
2. Stan Hansen (c) vs. Keith Lee
PCW Commonwealth Championship
Perhaps Philadelphia isn't the place to have two massive hosses from Texas have a throw down, but the allure of the rugged, old school brawler Stan Hansen mixing it up with an absurdly athletic powerhouse like Keith Lee. Will Hansen be forced to bask in the glory of Keith Lee with the prestigious Commonwealth Championship up for grabs
3. Drew Gulak (c) vs. Hirooki Goto vs. Jungle Boy vs. Cedric Alexander vs. Johnny Saint vs. Caristico vs. El Phantasmo
Elimination Chamber
PCW Cruiserweight Championship
Drew Gulak has reigned as the re-named and more sensibly so as the PCW Cruiserweight champion for a fair bit of time now and has returned to his home town of Philadelphia to defend the title in a setting never been done before - the Elimination Chamber. The challenge has been laid down for all comers (or qualifiers) to come down to his city from all around the world to contest for the title and attempt to do so with a ground-based offense (or not). With 7 people in the match, it will start with three people with each pod opening at a predetermined and not at all when it is perfectly convenient.
4. Rick Martel vs. Tyler Breeze
Singles Match
The ultimate matchup in vanity and narcissism - Arrogance vs. Beauty. "Prince Pretty" Tyler Breeze is trying to continue to get his career back on track, and his next course of action is to challenge a former version of himself - at the other end of the selfie stick is none other than “the Model” Rick Martel. Egocentric self-love will be at an all-time high.
5. Boss 'n Hug Connection (Sasha Banks & Bayley) vs. The Jumping Bomb Angels (Noriyo Tateno & Itsuki Yamazaki)
Inaugural Championship Match
PCW Women's Tag Team Championship
Inspired by other promotions introducing women's tag team championships, PCW has introduced the titles for this show, and in an attempt to actually try and make them important and historically accurate, two teams have been brought in to allow one to take their rightful place as first ever champions. From Japan, the Jumping Bomb Angels have reunited after some time away under these auspices, while Sasha Banks and Bayley went out of their way by laying in front of and blocking the entrance to Chairman G. Kim Johnsson's office to demand this opportunity in a dream match scenario, seizing an opportunity for women's tag teams to follow - even though the match was simply going to be announced as such. The victors will get a second chance to make a good first impression as champions.
6. Owen Hart vs. Roman Reigns
#1 Contender Match
Singles Match
Owen Hart, as well noted, despite being one of the best in-ring and overall performers in the history of the business, has never been at the top of the mountain. Standing in front of him is the guy who has previously been in the spot as the top guy, uh, in some places - the spot Owen has never been able to see. Roman Reigns has a well-documented of his own of highs and lows, and is now preparing for an opponent whose best is considered by some to be the best there's ever been. Both men are one step away from being one step away from finishing their story.
7. Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Shayna Baszler
2 out of 3 Falls - 3rd fall Submission
PCW Women's Championship
Charlotte has exhaustingly been PCW Women’s champion for quite sometime, dating back to a rematch of another match that had taken place elsewhere but never booked again. Chairman G. Kim Johnsson is ready to present Charlotte with a new challenger. Expecting an opportunity to be given to Sasha Banks, the chairman is quick to correct her - we’re not ready to see that match again yet. While these projects can be meant for people to look into the past, but here we look to the future, and it is in Pennsylvania Championship Wrestling where two such tremendous female talents will do battle for the very first time. The new challenger is revealed to be none other than Shayna Baszler! And she brings a style and intensity that Charlotte may not be prepared for. The chairman also decrees that there must be a definitive winner, so not only will the match be 2 out of 3 falls, the third fall must be won by submission - setting the stage for the the vigorous rivalry to come in the future.
8. Seth Rollins (c) vs. Edge
Extreme Rules
PCW World Championship
Since PCW does not have a Money in the Bank gimmick, Seth Rollins remains PCW World Champion even after a seemingly innocuous social media spat between the significant others somehow ended up involving both of them (with the real fuse being lit about 9 months ago when Edge insinuated that Rollins’ girlfriend should think less of herself than she did and proved him wrong). Culminating in a challenge from Edge, who only wishes to engage with others if they’re willing to pay it off in a match. The demand from the fans of PCW calls for the two to settle all of their accusations, war of words, and overall speculations and comparisons in this year’s main event. Rollins, of course familiar with this city (including the Armory up in Northeast Philly) has made it known he wants nothing to be off limits, and chairman G. Kim Johnsson believes this may be the only time the two ever meet in the ring - anywhere. So it has been made known that this will be an Extreme Rules match!
