- Sep 19, 2008
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Coco talking about the escape room 
Useless thread MMXII: Pride Month Appreciation Thread
- Thread starter John Price
- Start date
PanthersPens62
Paul & Stanley
Corrected.Coco and Sloane Stephens
Been a bandwagon Coco fan lately because she's winning again !
- Sep 19, 2008
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he uses it infrequently, taking a "small amount once every other week" to help him get out of a "depressive mindstate."
- Sep 19, 2008
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Are you gonna let that guy shit talk Columbus like that come on
- Sep 19, 2008
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Start the final already some of us have to work in like 30 minutes. f***
End of Line
John Price hater
- Mar 20, 2009
- 26,083
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Why should I give a f***
Deputy McRizzy
Registered User
- Mar 21, 2025
- 975
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My mom loves it, she grew up in Calumet City. Hell, I even like it and we always get one while I’m in town basically every visit and I visit a few times a year. It’s always nice to go for a long pizza dinner and beers.
Tavern is still better.
- Sep 19, 2008
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defend your city son
- Sep 19, 2008
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Very busy, working hard
End of Line
John Price hater
- Mar 20, 2009
- 26,083
- 10,221
Why would I give a f***
Last edited:
PanthersPens62
Paul & Stanley
Nole advances to the Sweet 16 !
- Sep 19, 2008
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- Sep 19, 2008
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California rest in peace
SoupNazi
hangman’s Only Fan
- Feb 6, 2010
- 26,333
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"The Plushie Aisle Incident"
John Price was a man of singular focus and unique proportions. At 5’2” and 400 pounds, he towered more in presence than in height. Known online as “K-PuckFan88” on HFBoards, he was infamous in hockey circles for longwinded trade proposals involving 3rd-line wingers and elaborate conspiracy theories about Korean prospects being snubbed by the NHL. But offline, John had another passion: plushies. His apartment—two bedrooms, one sacrificed entirely—was a pastel kingdom of soft-eyed critters and limited-edition cuddlebeasts imported from Japan, Korea, and the occasional sketchy eBay seller in Ohio.
The problem, of course, was money. Limited disability checks and dwindling eBay side-hustle profits meant sacrifices had to be made. So one morning, after using the last of his emergency anime fund to purchase a 4-foot tall San-X Chairoikoguma Bear, John made a decision: he would get a job.
Enter Walmart.
His interview was short. The hiring manager, a woman with dead eyes and a managerial smile named Cheryl, glanced once at his resume ("Worked: 2013 - briefly. Skills: Thread moderation, hockey cap math, forklift theory") and nodded. They needed stockers. Night shift.
John nodded solemnly. “I can handle the plushie aisle.”
Day One
It started off innocently enough. John squeezed into a blue vest that fit like a water balloon around a bowling ball and waddled into the backroom. He was handed a scanner, a pallet jack, and a box cutter.
“Start with Toys, Aisle 17,” barked the shift lead, a 21-year-old named Tyler who had already mentally checked out.
John’s eyes lit up. Aisle 17. The Promised Land. Plushies. Pokémon. Squishmallows. His people.
The first hour was magical. He opened a box of Disney plushies and gently cradled each one, brushing imaginary dust from their eyes. He whispered Korean names to them. He arranged them not by SKU but by “vibe.” The scanner beeped in protest, confused by John’s disregard for planogram compliance. John ignored it.
Then he opened a box of rare Squishmallows—Harrison the Hippo, Delilah the Dragonfruit, Cam the Cat. His knees buckled.
“I’ve never seen these in the wild,” he whispered.
Then, in a move of passion and poor decision-making, John slipped one Delilah the Dragonfruit into his vest.
The Incident
The motion triggered a beep. His scanner lit up red. Then, from above, a small camera in the ceiling (which he somehow hadn’t noticed in his obsessive aisle visits as a customer) caught the bulge in his vest. Five minutes later, Cheryl appeared, flanked by two Walmart security guards with the bored look of men who usually spend their nights chasing off teenagers.
“John,” she said flatly. “Hand over the dragonfruit.”
“It's not theft if your soul needs it,” he replied, which did not help.
Aftermath
John was escorted from the building. Not arrested, but firmly and forever banned. He waddled out into the night, crushed, cradling a clearance-bin My Melody he’d legally bought on his lunch break.
That night, he posted to HFBoards:
The plushies welcomed him home in silence. And though his Walmart career ended in disgrace, his heart remained full—of polyester stuffing, poorly-thought-out trade proposals, and love.
And in his closet, hidden behind a stack of obscure Korean league DVDs, sat Delilah the Dragonfruit.
She was worth it.
John Price was a man of singular focus and unique proportions. At 5’2” and 400 pounds, he towered more in presence than in height. Known online as “K-PuckFan88” on HFBoards, he was infamous in hockey circles for longwinded trade proposals involving 3rd-line wingers and elaborate conspiracy theories about Korean prospects being snubbed by the NHL. But offline, John had another passion: plushies. His apartment—two bedrooms, one sacrificed entirely—was a pastel kingdom of soft-eyed critters and limited-edition cuddlebeasts imported from Japan, Korea, and the occasional sketchy eBay seller in Ohio.
The problem, of course, was money. Limited disability checks and dwindling eBay side-hustle profits meant sacrifices had to be made. So one morning, after using the last of his emergency anime fund to purchase a 4-foot tall San-X Chairoikoguma Bear, John made a decision: he would get a job.
Enter Walmart.
His interview was short. The hiring manager, a woman with dead eyes and a managerial smile named Cheryl, glanced once at his resume ("Worked: 2013 - briefly. Skills: Thread moderation, hockey cap math, forklift theory") and nodded. They needed stockers. Night shift.
John nodded solemnly. “I can handle the plushie aisle.”
Day One
It started off innocently enough. John squeezed into a blue vest that fit like a water balloon around a bowling ball and waddled into the backroom. He was handed a scanner, a pallet jack, and a box cutter.
“Start with Toys, Aisle 17,” barked the shift lead, a 21-year-old named Tyler who had already mentally checked out.
John’s eyes lit up. Aisle 17. The Promised Land. Plushies. Pokémon. Squishmallows. His people.
The first hour was magical. He opened a box of Disney plushies and gently cradled each one, brushing imaginary dust from their eyes. He whispered Korean names to them. He arranged them not by SKU but by “vibe.” The scanner beeped in protest, confused by John’s disregard for planogram compliance. John ignored it.
Then he opened a box of rare Squishmallows—Harrison the Hippo, Delilah the Dragonfruit, Cam the Cat. His knees buckled.
“I’ve never seen these in the wild,” he whispered.
Then, in a move of passion and poor decision-making, John slipped one Delilah the Dragonfruit into his vest.
The Incident
The motion triggered a beep. His scanner lit up red. Then, from above, a small camera in the ceiling (which he somehow hadn’t noticed in his obsessive aisle visits as a customer) caught the bulge in his vest. Five minutes later, Cheryl appeared, flanked by two Walmart security guards with the bored look of men who usually spend their nights chasing off teenagers.
“John,” she said flatly. “Hand over the dragonfruit.”
“It's not theft if your soul needs it,” he replied, which did not help.
Aftermath
John was escorted from the building. Not arrested, but firmly and forever banned. He waddled out into the night, crushed, cradling a clearance-bin My Melody he’d legally bought on his lunch break.
That night, he posted to HFBoards:
The plushies welcomed him home in silence. And though his Walmart career ended in disgrace, his heart remained full—of polyester stuffing, poorly-thought-out trade proposals, and love.
And in his closet, hidden behind a stack of obscure Korean league DVDs, sat Delilah the Dragonfruit.
She was worth it.
PanthersPens62
Paul & Stanley
PanthersPens62
Paul & Stanley
- Sep 19, 2008
- 376,502
- 30,378
PanthersPens62
Paul & Stanley
- Sep 19, 2008
- 376,502
- 30,378
Arya is still in the mixPaolini is done & Iga is on the ropes !
#ItsCoco'sTime
Paolini is done & Iga is on the ropes !
#ItsCoco'sTime
Unrelated, but I love how you had said in a post about devouring a “meek little lamb chop” last week.
Made me lirl. I forgot to tell ya.
- Sep 19, 2008
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- Sep 19, 2008
- 376,502
- 30,378
- Sep 19, 2008
- 376,502
- 30,378
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