The Plushie Exiles: Taxation Without Representation
Chapter 1: The IRS Joins the Game
Agent Vivian Hargrave sat in her makeshift command center—a small, cluttered office in D.C., where the walls were now adorned with diagrams and photos of plushies, tax forms, and the grinning faces of Juan and Sandy.
“Agent Hargrave,” her boss said over the phone, “we’re bringing in reinforcements. The IRS has been notified. Turns out neither Juan nor Sandy has paid taxes in years. We’re going to hit them where it hurts: their wallets.”
Hargrave raised an eyebrow. “Juan doesn’t have a job. How is he not paying taxes on zero income?”
“That’s just it. He’s been mooching off Sandy, who, by the way, has been running an under-the-table lasagna empire. Cash only. No records. We’ve got a team looking into her lasagna stand.”
Hargrave smirked. “Lasagna laundering. This just keeps getting better.”
Chapter 2: Sandy’s Lasagna Empire
At a bustling park in the shadow of the Washington Monument, Sandy had set up a small lasagna stand, complete with a colorful banner that read
“Sandy’s Sensational Slices: A Real Banger!”
Lines of hungry tourists stretched down the sidewalk as Sandy handed out steaming plates of her famous lasagna. “Remember, folks,” she called out, “life is like a box of chocolates, but lasagna is better!”
Juan, meanwhile, stood nearby holding a plushie with a chef’s hat, announcing, “Lasagna for the revolution! Proceeds support the Plushie Party!”
Unbeknownst to them, a pair of IRS agents disguised as tourists were in line, snapping photos and taking notes.
“Cash only, huh?” one agent muttered to the other. “Classic.”
“Looks like they’re grossly underreporting income,” the second agent replied. “We’ll have enough to audit her back to the Stone Age.”
Chapter 3: Hargrave Closes In
Later that evening, Hargrave met with the IRS team to review their findings. A large screen displayed a pie chart showing Sandy’s lasagna income, which had somehow surpassed six figures in just a few years.
“She’s been selling lasagna at every major tourist hotspot on the East Coast,” one of the agents explained. “No receipts, no paper trail, no taxes paid.”
“And Juan?” Hargrave asked.
“Zero income, as expected. But he’s a co-signer on several plushie loans. His credit is so bad it’s practically fictional.”
Hargrave pinched the bridge of her nose. “Plushie loans? Is that a real thing?”
“Apparently, yes. He’s been taking out personal loans to fund his collection, claiming they’re ‘investment plushies.’”
“This just keeps getting better,” Hargrave muttered.
Chapter 4: The Confrontation
The next morning, as Juan and Sandy prepared for another day of lasagna sales and plushie advocacy, they were met by Hargrave and a team of IRS agents at their rented townhouse.
“Juan and Sandy Price,” Hargrave announced, flashing her badge, “you’re under investigation for tax evasion and failure to report income.”
Sandy’s jaw dropped. “This is outrageous! My lasagna is art, not business!”
Juan clutched his plushie nervously. “You can’t tax the revolution!”
“Oh, we can,” Hargrave replied dryly. “And we will. Juan, your plushie loans have put you in debt so deep you’ll be swimming in it for years. Sandy, your lasagna empire is a cash-only operation with zero documentation. You owe back taxes, penalties, and interest.”
Sandy crossed her arms defiantly. “You can’t take my lasagna!”
“I don’t want your lasagna,” Hargrave said, holding up a thick stack of documents. “But Uncle Sam does.”
Chapter 5: Juan and Sandy’s Scheme
That evening, as they sat in their now-empty townhouse (their plushies and lasagna supplies having been confiscated), Sandy turned to Juan with a determined look.
“We can’t let them win,” she said.
Juan nodded solemnly. “The plushies must be avenged.”
Sandy’s eyes lit up. “What if we run a fundraiser? A plushie auction! We’ll call it
‘Save the Revolution: One Plushie at a Time.’”
Juan grinned. “And we’ll sell lasagna on the side!”
From the corner of the room, I groaned. “You two are going to end up in prison.”
Sandy shrugged. “Maybe. But at least we’ll be well-fed.”
Hargrave, watching from across the street through binoculars, sighed. “This isn’t over,” she muttered to herself.
To be continued…