SoupNazi
Keeps paying for Hangman’s OF to get promoted
- Feb 6, 2010
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The Plushie Exiles: Freaks, Celebrities, and the Road to Revolution
“Our journey will be legendary!” Juan declared, adjusting his custom “Plushies Must Be Avenged” trucker hat.
“We’re like the pioneers,” Sandy added dreamily, munching on a box of chocolate truffles. “Except with purpose—and snacks!”
The “freak show” turned out to be a rundown trailer park, with self-proclaimed acts like “The Bearded Baby” (a guy wearing a bib with a fake beard) and “World’s Tiniest Cow” (which was just a normal cow viewed through binoculars).
Juan climbed onto a picnic table and began his pitch. “Ladies and gentlemen! Plushies are the future! Join the Revolution!”
The audience of five—one of whom was asleep—stared blankly.
“Free plushies for anyone who joins!” Sandy added.
Suddenly, a man juggling chainsaws appeared, wearing a sequined vest. “You’re giving away plushies?”
“Yes,” Juan said eagerly.
The juggler grabbed a stuffed panda from Juan’s bag and tossed it into his act, much to Juan’s horror.
“You’re desecrating the Revolution!” Juan screamed.
We left quickly after that, with Juan muttering darkly about the “plushie blasphemy.”
“All right, all right, all right,” he said as we walked in. “What brings y’all here today?”
“Plushies!” Sandy said, thrusting a stuffed dolphin into his face.
McConaughey blinked. “Cool, cool. You folks seem like you’ve got… a vibe.”
“It’s more than a vibe,” Juan said solemnly. “It’s a movement.”
McConaughey nodded thoughtfully. “Well, I respect that. Life’s about finding your lane and staying in it, y’know?”
Sandy, starstruck, handed him her chocolate-wrapper cape. “For you. To remember us by.”
He took it politely, then turned back to restocking potato chips.
As we left, Sandy whispered, “He’s definitely going to call us later.”
Juan, ever the opportunist, declared that we would host a séance with plushies as the “spiritual conduits.”
In a dusty old inn, Juan placed his plushies in a circle, lit some candles, and started chanting.
“Spirits of the beyond, we summon you through the power of fluff!”
The lights flickered ominously. Sandy gasped, clutching my arm. “It’s working!”
The innkeeper poked his head in. “Y’all blew a fuse. Stop plugging in all those plushie heaters.”
“We’ll remind the capital that plushies are more than toys—they’re a way of life!” he said dramatically.
“Life is like a box of chocolates,” Sandy added. “Sometimes, the caramel is in Congress.”
I stared out the window, resigned to whatever chaos awaited us in Washington.
To be continued...
Chapter 1: The Caravan Heads North
The next morning, we loaded up the van and hit the highway, heading north. The van was stuffed with Juan’s plushies, Sandy’s chocolate wrappers (for "good luck"), and my patience—rapidly wearing thin.“Our journey will be legendary!” Juan declared, adjusting his custom “Plushies Must Be Avenged” trucker hat.
“We’re like the pioneers,” Sandy added dreamily, munching on a box of chocolate truffles. “Except with purpose—and snacks!”
Chapter 2: The Circus Encounter
Somewhere in South Carolina, we stopped at a roadside diner that advertised “The Greatest Freak Show on Earth” in neon lights. Juan’s eyes lit up. “We must spread the Plushie Revolution here!”The “freak show” turned out to be a rundown trailer park, with self-proclaimed acts like “The Bearded Baby” (a guy wearing a bib with a fake beard) and “World’s Tiniest Cow” (which was just a normal cow viewed through binoculars).
Juan climbed onto a picnic table and began his pitch. “Ladies and gentlemen! Plushies are the future! Join the Revolution!”
The audience of five—one of whom was asleep—stared blankly.
“Free plushies for anyone who joins!” Sandy added.
Suddenly, a man juggling chainsaws appeared, wearing a sequined vest. “You’re giving away plushies?”
“Yes,” Juan said eagerly.
The juggler grabbed a stuffed panda from Juan’s bag and tossed it into his act, much to Juan’s horror.
“You’re desecrating the Revolution!” Juan screamed.
We left quickly after that, with Juan muttering darkly about the “plushie blasphemy.”
Chapter 3: The Celebrity Rest Stop
In North Carolina, we stopped at a gas station where the unmistakable voice of Matthew McConaughey greeted us from behind the counter.“All right, all right, all right,” he said as we walked in. “What brings y’all here today?”
“Plushies!” Sandy said, thrusting a stuffed dolphin into his face.
McConaughey blinked. “Cool, cool. You folks seem like you’ve got… a vibe.”
“It’s more than a vibe,” Juan said solemnly. “It’s a movement.”
McConaughey nodded thoughtfully. “Well, I respect that. Life’s about finding your lane and staying in it, y’know?”
Sandy, starstruck, handed him her chocolate-wrapper cape. “For you. To remember us by.”
He took it politely, then turned back to restocking potato chips.
As we left, Sandy whispered, “He’s definitely going to call us later.”
Chapter 4: A Brush with the Paranormal
By the time we reached Virginia, the van’s radiator was steaming, and we pulled into a small town that claimed to be the “Most Haunted Place in America.”Juan, ever the opportunist, declared that we would host a séance with plushies as the “spiritual conduits.”
In a dusty old inn, Juan placed his plushies in a circle, lit some candles, and started chanting.
“Spirits of the beyond, we summon you through the power of fluff!”
The lights flickered ominously. Sandy gasped, clutching my arm. “It’s working!”
The innkeeper poked his head in. “Y’all blew a fuse. Stop plugging in all those plushie heaters.”
Chapter 5: The Road to DC
By the time we crossed into Maryland, the van was held together with duct tape and sheer willpower. Juan was practicing his speech for Washington.“We’ll remind the capital that plushies are more than toys—they’re a way of life!” he said dramatically.
“Life is like a box of chocolates,” Sandy added. “Sometimes, the caramel is in Congress.”
I stared out the window, resigned to whatever chaos awaited us in Washington.
To be continued...
