Operation Plushie Armada
Chapter 1: The Plan
The morning started like any other: I was quietly enjoying a coconut on the beach, far from the chaos that was now my life. That peace was shattered when Sandy and Juan burst onto the scene, both wearing matching nautical uniforms that looked like they had been purchased at a party store.
“Pack your bags,” Sandy declared, striking a dramatic pose. “We’re going to North Korea!”
I blinked at her. “Excuse me?”
Juan, holding a plushie of a sailor otter under one arm, stepped forward. “We’ve got a frigate,” he said proudly.
I nearly choked on my coconut. “You... what?”
Sandy grinned. “We’ve borrowed—”
“
Stolen,” I interrupted.
“—a Brazilian Navy frigate,” she continued, ignoring me. “And we’re going to sail it to North Korea to fulfill Juan’s dream of opening
Plushie Paradise: Pyongyang Edition.”
Chapter 2: The Heist
The story of how they stole the frigate was as absurd as it was alarming. Sandy, who had spent weeks flirting with a Brazilian Navy officer at a local bar, convinced him to give her a “private tour” of the docked ship.
Meanwhile, Juan—dressed in his ill-fitting sailor uniform—snuck aboard with a backpack full of snacks and plushies. As Sandy distracted the officer with tales of her “extensive naval experience,” Juan somehow managed to start the frigate.
By the time the Navy realized what was happening, the ship was already out to sea, Juan at the helm and Sandy waving dramatically from the deck.
Chapter 3: Life at Sea
Being at sea with Juan and Sandy was a special kind of torture. Juan, who insisted on being called “Captain Plushie,” spent most of his time decorating the frigate with plushies. Every available surface was covered—plushie anchors, plushie compasses, even plushie cannons.
Sandy, meanwhile, spent her days plotting the grand opening of their resort. “Picture it,” she said, spreading out a crudely drawn map of Pyongyang. “A plushie spa, a plushie casino, and of course, the pièce de résistance—a plushie karaoke bar!”
I was too seasick to argue.
Chapter 4: Arrival in North Korea
After weeks at sea—and narrowly avoiding being sunk by the Brazilian Navy—we arrived at North Korea’s eastern coast. Against all odds, Juan managed to navigate the frigate into port without crashing.
The North Korean officials who greeted us were understandably confused. Sandy, ever the diplomat, stepped forward with her best smile. “We’re here to bring joy and economic growth to your great nation. May we present... Plushie Paradise!”
Juan held up his sailor otter plushie as if it were a sacred artifact. “The plushies must be avenged!”
The officials exchanged bewildered glances before ushering us into a meeting with the country’s tourism board.
Chapter 5: The Pitch
In a dark, wood-paneled conference room, Sandy unveiled her plans for the resort. She spoke with such enthusiasm that even the stony-faced officials seemed intrigued.
“Our resort will attract international attention,” she declared. “It will put Pyongyang on the map as a destination for luxury and whimsy!”
One official raised an eyebrow. “And what is... whimsy?”
Sandy leaned in, her voice low and conspiratorial. “It’s the secret to happiness.”
Juan, not understanding the concept of subtlety, added, “And karaoke!”
Chapter 6: To Be Continued...
As the meeting wrapped up, I couldn’t help but marvel at how far Sandy and Juan were willing to go for their absurd dreams. They had stolen a Navy frigate, sailed halfway around the world, and were now somehow convincing North Korea to open a plushie-themed resort.
And yet, a sinking feeling told me this was only the beginning.
To be continued...
