Health Issues

[Jiminy Cricket]

Here is a list of Health issue`s i am experiencing:

• Stage 1 Diabetes
• Bunyon`s
• Crow`s Feet
• Restless Leg`s Syndrome
• Shingle`s
• High Sodium

It is no fun getting old. I am Sundowning as well. Enjoy life while your young !!

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[John Price]

get well

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

My Doctor told me to Rest and drink plenty of fluid`s. 10 year`s of school and that is the best they can come up with. Thank`s for that one, Doc. I am 99 year`s young now, I could die at any moment. But at least I will be hydrated when i finally go. $289 bill for that by the way. God Bless America!

 

[Bumpus]

Sounds like a bargain.

 

[BB79]

I can't get this enema out it's stuck

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

OP also has Ch’ronic con’Stipation

Because they are so full of shit

#Crickstipated
#Bac’kedUpB’utterCup
#HaveSomeP’runeJuiceGram’Pa
#TeamNoShit

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

99 Year`s on this Earth. That is 99 year`s to many. I am suffering from a number of health issue`s. On top of that i have bad Feet from working on my feet all day for 70 year`s. No human should have to endure this. I pray everyday for the Lord to take me away to his Kingdom.

 

[HuGort]

Here is a list of Health issue`s i am experiencing:

• Stage 1 Diabetes
• Bunyon`s
• Crow`s Feet
• Restless Leg`s Syndrome
• Shingle`s
• High Sodium

It is no fun getting old. I am Sundowning as well. Enjoy life while your young !!

My most serious health issue is farting in bed. Wife suggesting separate bedrooms

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I am coughing up blood. My buddy Zebra Jackson want`s me to go to the hospital. I said what the hell are they gonna do. I am 99 year`s old. It is the end of the line for me. Every single one of my ancestor`s died at the age of 99. I will take my final breath in 2024.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

I am coughing up blood. My buddy Zebra Jackson want`s me to go to the hospital. I said what the hell are they gonna do. I am 99 year`s old. It is the end of the line for me. Every single one of my ancestor`s died at the age of 99. I will take my final breath in 2024.

Can you take it now, plz???

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I am suffering from Dry, Cracked feet. On top of everything else. My buddy Dan Denali told me to start shopping around the Perimeter of the grocery store. I am going to give that a shot. There is so much cr*p in our fewd these day`s, i believe Shopping around the perimeter of the grocery store is one of the best thing`s we can do for our health.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

Shut the f*** up

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I am sipping on an glass of Ginger Ale. There is no better home remedy. Liquid Gold! I am considering getting the Gastric sleeve as well. They say u can`t drink any soda or your stomach will explode. To hell with that! If i want to enjoy a pop i will. They say that shit just to scare u.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

A lot of people complain about Medical insurance in this country. I have around $150,000 saved up, I pay Cash for all of my medicine. I can get the Gastric sleeve for around $18,000 US Dollar`s. That would leave me with about $132,000 leftover for blood pressure, Pepto Bismol, u name it. Put that in a saving`s account & Collect 5% every year. So tell me more about how medical insurance cost`s`s to much in this country. Your just not saving enough money.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

My sugar is Low. My sodium is High. And i blew out my asshole. The worst hemorrhoid`s u have ever scene. It is like a nucular bomb went off in there. I may need reconstructive surgery. There is no amount of fibre that can save me. I believe this is Karma for all those dump`s i took in the middle of Walmart.

 

[Dr Pepper]

My sugar is Low. My sodium is High. And i blew out my asshole. The worst hemorrhoid`s u have ever scene. It is like a nucular bomb went off in there. I may need reconstructive surgery. There is no amount of fibre that can save me. I believe this is Karma for all those dump`s i took in the middle of Walmart.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

I will pass away within the next 6 month`s. U will never see me again. For some of u that may be a blessing. For the vast majority of u, last time i checked i am polling over a 75% approval rating. It will be the tragedy of a lifetime. We Cricket`s have an lifespan of exactly 99 year`s. I would like to go over some highlight`s of my Life:

• Launching a serie`s of Frivolous lawsuit`s against Boscov`s® in the 1970`s. I had no case, I just did it for sport. They settled out of court to avoid legal fee`s, Jackpot for Jame`s. I Spent the next 6 year`s at a Sandal`s Resort in Washington with my Winning`s.
• Getting the Gastric Sleeve in 1999. I was "Patient Zero" as noone had ever Received this surgery before. It was as simple as Eat the fewd, Lose the weight. It Changed my Life Forever.

So there u have it Folk`s, it has been a beautiful ride. Feel free to comment some of ur favourite Cricket membory`s down Below.

 

[John Price]

jiminy is one of the few reasons to keep coming to the lounge

 

[Son Goku]

Dear lord baby jeebus pls help us giv dis man da stinky ball

 

[Jacob]

Sickness is a mindset. No sympathy from me!

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

The Best part about passing away soon. Is that i will Never have to speak to u Corn ball`s again. The clock is ticking. I am checking into the hospital now with a case of Foot Spasm`s. I pray to God it will be lethal. My time is up.

 

[Jacob]

They’re curing lots of people every day.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

U know it`s funny, I never had any health issue`s before the 2023 Fume`s that they blamed on Canadian wild fire`s. I was a healthy 99 Year old man. But after they started pumping Fume`s into the air i started developing all these Issue`s. And now my 23 year old girlfriend Candy Jackson has to take care of me. Can u imagine taking a beleaguered 99 year old Crick home 2 mom and dad. #GreatGrandaddyIssues

But i Digrest. I believe all these issue`s can be traced back to the 2023 Fume`s.

 

[Jiminy Cricket]

Shut the f*** up

U must feel real proud of yourselve. Bullying a 99 year old man. And i believe it is because of the colour of my skin. This is not my first rodeo. Everyone on the board`s can see what is going on, and we are not surprised. I may be 99 but i would still knock you the f*** out with Ease.

 

[MetalheadPenguinsFan]

U must feel real proud of yourselve. Bullying a 99 year old man. And i believe it is because of the colour of my skin. This is not my first rodeo. Everyone on the board`s can see what is going on, and we are not surprised. I may be 99 but i would still knock you the f*** out with Ease.

Go eat a prune cookie and STFU.