This was a fun wasted of time on this, a good excuse not to be doing the things I'm meant to be doing. As there are hundreds of wrestlers I’d want on my show, and tens of thousands of matches, I’ve gone for a bit of a themed show to make it a more reasonable task
Wrestlemania: England
We’re gonna have a British focused show, with a lot of home talent being showcased. It’ll mostly be more recent guys with a few older ones. There are loads of old World of Sport era guys that I’d love to have on the show, but it’s really a case of not having enough matches as there are a number of matches I want to do where they wouldn’t fit in.
Venue: St. James’ Park, Newcastle
It’s going to be at the local football stadium; for a small mining town we’ve got quite a nice one. Capacity will be about 65-70k I’d guess, depending how the stage is set up. Also means I just have to take the metro to get there, no long train rides to endure.
Commentary:
Play-by-play: Kent Walton
Colour: William Regal.
Kent Walton was the commentator for World of Sport. He was the voice of British wrestling for over 30 years, right up until the end*. If you’ve ever looked up any World of Sport matches on YouTube, it’ll be his voice you’ll hear. He’s nothing like american commentary, but he’s the perfect guy for the show he did. William Regal is someone everyone knows, best commentator who’s not currently commentating. There won’t be a heel commentator, both are neutral.
*Which was when Hulkamania came and ran wild over everyone in the late 80s, and the WWF basically bulldozed everything else away. British wrestling has only really just started to recover with the recent indy boom; but it’s nowhere close to it’s hight, which was when about 20-25% of the entire county would be watching in the 70s and you’d have shows in every town every night.
The Card:
0a - Will Ospreay defeats Dynamite Kid
0b - ARMBaR - Giant Haystacks defeats 19 smaller, lesser men
01 - Money in the Bank Ladder Match - Wade Barrett defeats Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Marty Scurll, Daniel Bryan, & AJ Styles
02 - D’Lo Brown’s “European Title Open Challenge” - William Regal defeats D’Lo Brown (c)
03 - Johnny Saint over Bret Hart
04 - Tag Title - New Day (c) defeats Too Cool
05 - Five-Man Elimination match - Neville defeats Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Finn Bálor, & Hideo Itami
06 - IC Title Submission match- Zack Sabre Jr. (c) defeats Kurt Angle
07 - Women’s Title - Becky Lynch defeats Sasha Banks (c)
08 - Bray Wyatt defeats The Undertaker (streak match)
09 - World Title - The British Bulldog defeats Hulk Hogan (c)
0a - Will Ospreay defeats Dynamite Kid
We’ll open our pre-show with a fast paced match between the original British flyer, with the future one. Kid was really ahead of his time; he’d have been perfect for today, but his size limited him greatly back then. Ospreay is my boy. He’s going to be one of the best in the world very soon, so young and already so good. It’s kinda passing of the torch, if the torch had been left in storage for a couple of decades and skipped a generation or two.
0b - ARMBaR - Giant Haystacks defeats 19 smaller, lesser men.
Next we’ve got a bonus pre-show match. I’m adding an ARMBaR ‘cos they’re cool. It also gives me a place to have Giant Haystacks on the card. He was a household name over here, a massive man of 211cm and 311kg (6’11”, 685lbs). I’m not a fan of big guys, but for a UK show I need have him on the card and this is the best way to do it.
01 - Money in the Bank Ladder Match - Wade Barrett defeats Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Marty Scurll, Daniel Bryan, & AJ Styles
First match on the main card we’ve got a seven-man Money in the Bank Ladder Match, which will be won by Wade Barrett. Barrett should have been the first British champion (after Bulldog was passed over), but it didn’t happen for reasons. Giving him the win here basically ensure that he will be down the line, and I also needed a big multi-man match to get a bunch of guys onto the show (the title matches I already had ideas for).
Marty Scrull is a great talent, and he’s part of the current wave of great indy talent form the UK. This is basically the only place I could get him on the card so he’s here., umbrella and all. The other five need no explanation, they’re all are great.
02 - D’Lo Brown’s “European Title Open Challenge” - William Regal defeats D’Lo Brown (c)
Next we’ve got D’Lo Brown’s Open Challenge. D’Lo is a boy of mine, and was the best non-European European Title holder back in the day. Hailing from a different city each week, he’s going to have a Cena-style Open Challenge. Unfortunately for him, Regal is going to take a break from his commentary duties and beat some sense into him and reclaim the belt for a true European. (This is instead of the US belt, I think it’s a fair substitution to make.)
03 - Johnny Saint defeats Bret Hart
Here we’ve got a dream match. Johnny Saint is a legendary British wrestler, a pure technical master; and he’s still wrestling in his 70s! He’s the perfect example of British wrestling, and easily one of the best of all time. Bret Hart is Bret Hart. Would kill for them to have a match where both are in their prime.
04 - Tag Title - New Day (c) defeats Too Cool
Our tag team match is going to be New Day vs Too Cool. New Day are New Day, and are white hot. Too Cool are Too Cool, and they were white hot. This would have been an insane match up if they were both active at the same time. No British talent, but it’s still gong to be an awesome match. (Basically both Bulldogs are in other matches, so I needed someone else to face New Day.)
05 - Five-Man Elimination match - Neville defeats Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, Finn Bálor, & Hideo Itami
This is a match for the local boy. Neville has to win, and I needed these other guys on the card. Itami wasn’t there to begin with, but an NXT-Five match seems a good idea so he was added. It’s a bit of a waste for all of them to be ‘hidden’ in a multi-man match, but only so much space.
(Note this isn’t an Elimination Chamber match, just a standard multi-man match with the elimination rule instead of the usual fatal rule. I don’t like having pins constantly being broken up and people sleeping.)
06 - Intercontinental Title Submission match- Zack Sabre Jr. defeats Kurt Angle (c)
Here’ve got a dream match, one that’s actually going to take place in the summer (and I’ve got tickets to it \o/). A technically master and leader of the current wave of British indy talent vs an Olympic hero. Two styles of technical wrestling, it’ll be amazing if we have a prime Angle. Submission match to give it a more of a story. Sabre winning the title as his current gimmick is winning stuff. (Many title changes on the card, but they tell good stories so it has to be this way).
07 - Women’s Title - Becky Lynch defeat Sasha Banks (c)
Our women’s match shouldn’t need any explanation. My two favourite female wrestlers, with Becky getting the big win for her first championship reign.
08 - Bray Wyatt defeats The Undertaker
I don’t actually want an Undertaker match on my card, he doesn’t really fit here (which is why I was fine with adding the ARMBaR). But as he’s a listed match I’m having Bray beat him in what would have been the streak ending match.
09 - World Title - The British Bulldog defeats Hulk Hogan (c)
And this is the big one. We’re correcting the biggest mistake in the entirety of WWE history. We’re going to have a British World Champion. Bulldog is going to go over Hulk Hogan cleanly. And with no 3.1 second kick out or post match BS, this is a clean win.
This might sounds like a bad match on paper, but Bulldog could work a very technical match (as can almost all British wrestlers, it’s our national gimmick), and Hogan was decent enough when he tried (like in Japan). If we deflate a bit from the steroids I think it’ll be good. But it doesn’t have to be, Bulldog is going over.
Bulldog was promised a title run when he signed a contract with the WWF in the mid 90s, but things happened and better options came around. It wasn’t a mistake to not give him one, but the European Title was created for him instead, so there’s that. Shame he went out the way he did, left with Bert then crippled by WCW’s lack of health and safety, but we’re correcting this now.