An Irishman walks into a Canadian pub....
- Thread starter Dr Pepper
- Start date
Mantis
I am a doctah
HisIceness
This is Hurricanes Hockey
So Thats who he used to be. Not sure why it took me this long to figure it out
Should never have gotten rid of his Jasper from the Simpsons avatar either, smh
Mantis
I am a doctah
After he was stripped of his Mod powers he was to ashamed to carry on as ModoSo Thats who he used to be. Not sure why it took me this long to figure it out
Should never have gotten rid of his Jasper from the Simpsons avatar either, smh
Carolinas Identity*
I'm a bad troll...
darko
Registered User
- Feb 16, 2009
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Jumptheshark
Rebooting myself
Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming,
"Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded,
"Who the hell ARE you?".
Too that the Missus replied,
"I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."
.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
Paddy and Murphy are knocking back a few pints of Guinness at the local and in walks O'Rourk. He says,
"did ye hear about O'Hara dyin last night?" Paddy and Murphy, in shock exclaim,
"No! Poor O'Hara. Has anyone told his wife?"
O'Rourk says "No she hasn't been told yet, but i'll get sweet talking Patrick to tell her. He is such a sweet talker and so good with words that he can talk the fish out of the brook and the birds out of the trees."
They leave to find Patrick and as they are leaving in he walks and says
"Good Mornin to ye all lads, a pint on me for everyone."
O'Rourk tells Patrick the sad news about O'Hara dyin and asks him to break the news very gently to his wife, as she doesn't yet know. Patrick, the sweet talker says, "I will be glad to have a chat with O'Hara's wife and I'll break it so gently to her that a whimper is all she'll utter. Im a man of words and I can charm the fish from the brook and the birds from the trees. Don't worry lads, I'll take care of this. They don't call me sweet talker for nuttin.
Well, off they all go to O'Hara's house. Patrick knocks on the door and O'Hara's wife answers and says,
"Yes may I help you?"
Sweet talking Patrick steps forward and at attention says,
"Are you the widow O'Hara?"
To which the woman responds, "My name is O'Hara but I'm not a widow."
Sweet talking Patrick braces himself and exclaims, "***** you aint."
An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says,
"Oy vey! What a wreck!"
The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."
The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says,
"Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."
The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"
"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'
Mick staggered home in the wee small hours after a heavy night out with his mates. When he woke up the next morning, he found he was in bed with the dog beside him in his wife's place.
"Glory be!" said Mick. " I must have been really drunk when I got home. I thought there was a lot of noise when I threw the dog out!"
Old Paddy Murphy took his wife to the hospital to have a baby. After waiting for a while in the waiting area, Paddy picked up the hospital house phone, called the doctor and said,
"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"
The doctor answered,
"You are the father of a fine baby boy, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After about a half hour, Paddy called the doctor back and asked, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"
The doctor answered,
"You're the father of twins, a boy and a girl, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After another half hour, Paddy called back and asked,
"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?" The doctor answered, "You're the father of triplets -- two boys and a girl. It's not all over yet, but it's slowing down, so why don't you go get something to eat; I'll be here all night."
So Paddy went to a pub and got himself six shots of good Irish whiskey which he washed down with six pints of Guinness. He then went over to the phone, somewhat unsteadily, and called the doctor at the hospital -- or thought he did. Actually, he misdialled, and dialed the local cricket club. When the person answered, Paddy asked,
"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?"
The person replied,
"All out for a hundred and one, and the last one out was a duck."
Q. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A. One less Drunk
"Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded,
"Who the hell ARE you?".
Too that the Missus replied,
"I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."
.
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man. Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man. Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."
Paddy and Murphy are knocking back a few pints of Guinness at the local and in walks O'Rourk. He says,
"did ye hear about O'Hara dyin last night?" Paddy and Murphy, in shock exclaim,
"No! Poor O'Hara. Has anyone told his wife?"
O'Rourk says "No she hasn't been told yet, but i'll get sweet talking Patrick to tell her. He is such a sweet talker and so good with words that he can talk the fish out of the brook and the birds out of the trees."
They leave to find Patrick and as they are leaving in he walks and says
"Good Mornin to ye all lads, a pint on me for everyone."
O'Rourk tells Patrick the sad news about O'Hara dyin and asks him to break the news very gently to his wife, as she doesn't yet know. Patrick, the sweet talker says, "I will be glad to have a chat with O'Hara's wife and I'll break it so gently to her that a whimper is all she'll utter. Im a man of words and I can charm the fish from the brook and the birds from the trees. Don't worry lads, I'll take care of this. They don't call me sweet talker for nuttin.
Well, off they all go to O'Hara's house. Patrick knocks on the door and O'Hara's wife answers and says,
"Yes may I help you?"
Sweet talking Patrick steps forward and at attention says,
"Are you the widow O'Hara?"
To which the woman responds, "My name is O'Hara but I'm not a widow."
Sweet talking Patrick braces himself and exclaims, "***** you aint."
An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says,
"Oy vey! What a wreck!"
The priest asks him, "Are you all right, Rabbi?"
The Rabbi responds, "Just a little shaken."
The priest pulls a flask of whiskey from his coat and says,
"Here, drink some of this it will calm your nerves."
The Rabbi takes the flask and drinks it down and says, "Well, what are we going to tell the police?"
"Well," the priest says, "I don't know what your aft' to be tellin' them. But I'll be tellin' them I wasn't the one drinkin'
Mick staggered home in the wee small hours after a heavy night out with his mates. When he woke up the next morning, he found he was in bed with the dog beside him in his wife's place.
"Glory be!" said Mick. " I must have been really drunk when I got home. I thought there was a lot of noise when I threw the dog out!"
Old Paddy Murphy took his wife to the hospital to have a baby. After waiting for a while in the waiting area, Paddy picked up the hospital house phone, called the doctor and said,
"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"
The doctor answered,
"You are the father of a fine baby boy, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After about a half hour, Paddy called the doctor back and asked, "Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What's the news on Mrs. Murphy?"
The doctor answered,
"You're the father of twins, a boy and a girl, but hold on because it's not all over yet."
After another half hour, Paddy called back and asked,
"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?" The doctor answered, "You're the father of triplets -- two boys and a girl. It's not all over yet, but it's slowing down, so why don't you go get something to eat; I'll be here all night."
So Paddy went to a pub and got himself six shots of good Irish whiskey which he washed down with six pints of Guinness. He then went over to the phone, somewhat unsteadily, and called the doctor at the hospital -- or thought he did. Actually, he misdialled, and dialed the local cricket club. When the person answered, Paddy asked,
"Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what's the news?"
The person replied,
"All out for a hundred and one, and the last one out was a duck."
Q. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A. One less Drunk
izzy
go
HisIceness
This is Hurricanes Hockey
Dr Pepper
Registered User
Sweet jokes, jumptheshark. 
I was at an Irish pub last night prior to New Years (was actually there for the Irish new year, which was fun), and I heard one or two solid Irish jokes. Decided to share the PG one.
Aww, muffin....what's wrong, you didn't get the punchline?
I was at an Irish pub last night prior to New Years (was actually there for the Irish new year, which was fun), and I heard one or two solid Irish jokes. Decided to share the PG one.
Aww, muffin....what's wrong, you didn't get the punchline?
Finnish your Czech
J'aime Les offres hostiles
Mantis
I am a doctah
RayP
Tf
- Jan 12, 2011
- 94,103
- 17,878
Dr Pepper
Registered User
Mantis
I am a doctah
I don't get this jokeLet him think what he wants....wrong on all counts, anyways.
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